Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15
Like Tree16Likes

Thread: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

  1. #1
    emanus is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 76, Level: 1
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 24
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    13
    Points
    76
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    One day I can feel happy and be able to chit chat with strangers in public during the day. Other days I'm totally ignoring that option although I see it dangeling in front of my face like a carrot. A carrot telling me i'm a pussy.

    How do you guys keep your confidence "stable"?

    I have very little experience with girls. Never had a gf, i'm 20+ yo. Ive had sex with two girls, once an all-nighter, other time just a quick ONS. I have approached hundreds of girls (clear majority a bit drunk at clubs and pubs, i'm staying more and more sober nowadays though) And I have to say. It really is taking a toll on my soul, constantly getting nothing for my efforts and troubles. Every once in a while I get depressed, looking at a girl and thinking, yeah. I'll never get someone like that, and now its a more common thought in my head unfortunately.

    Seeing guys with pretty gf's is just like a dagger into my chest. I try to push those thoughts away whenever they come up because I know its negative BS. But lately i'm just feeling like I don't give a fark. Don't give a fark about doing laundry, performing at my job. Seems meaningless. I can have a good weekend out, lots of good talks with girls. Going for a kiss here and there, getting rejected. Still feeling good the next day only a bit mad that I didn't do "this and that" because then maybe.. etc

    I believe I am good looking, I have my faults here and there, but overall good looking. I can be quite funny, has always been "the funny guy" kindof. It's just mind boggling to me when I know other guys, timid as fark, a lot worse looking to me having cute looking gf's. I'm like "how the fark!?" Because I know the effort I have put in and keep putting in and I know this guy for example can't have any game at all and is almost embarrasing being around in public cause he has so bad self esteem.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    You need to work on YOU for a bit & not focus on girls.
    Do things YOU enjoy..... & have fun doing them.
    THAT is what girls naturally start getting attracted to.

    When you do something you enjoy & do it with a passion, everyone notices... AND, the byproduct will be natural inner-confidence.

    I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like to feel that nothing seems to go right (especially with women). But that seemed to always be when I made WOMEN the focus of my life.

    You probably also suffer from a bit of "outcome dependency"... meaning, your goal is to pick up women & you're gauging your success as a person on that one factor.

    Here's the thing... don't be the "funny" guy... be the FUN guy. And you can be that person by enjoying the things you're interested in when it comes to recreational activities.

    Confidence can't be taught... it can only be learned by experience.

    EVERYONE goes through occasional minor bouts of feelings of depression... but if it's something that happens frequently, you may need to see a doctor & get some help.

    That's nothing to be ashamed of either.

    I personally have A.D.D... which has occasional depression associated with it. I've taken meds which helped a LOT... AND, just training myself to deal with the issue has helped tremendously.

    Remind yourself that you're only human and you're not always gonna be on top of your game... (This means ALL aspects of life).

    You'll have good days & bad days, I guarantee it.
    You just need to take everything as a learning experience & not see them as failures or successes.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    emanus is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 76, Level: 1
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 24
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    13
    Points
    76
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Wise words. Thanks.

    I will try to enjoy myself and what i'm doing from here on out. Focus on having fun myself.

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    You're welcome, my friend.

    When YOU have genuine fun, the people around you start having fun too. You can project that fun vibe outward & affect the ones you're with.

    And people are naturally & subconsciously drawn towards fun because it makes them feel good.

    FUN is addictive.

    And when you take the pressure of of yourself, YOU'LL start having more fun too.

    Also- Don't be jealous of what other people seem to have.
    "Looks" are a small percentage of what's really important. Yeah, I would agree that guys don't wanna be stuck with an ugly girl, and I'll admit, I have a bit of shallowness when it comes to that myself.

    But just because a girl is "hot", doesn't mean I personally would be attracted to her.
    I've learned that for ME, the emotional stability of a girl is a MUST.

    But I'm also not the type to just hook up with as many girls as I can. And I have given the "NEXT" to girls who were smokin' hot, because they had issues that I just couldn't deal with.

    So remember, EVERY girl has her "pros & cons"... and the thing to ask yourself is, what are you willing to put up with?



    That said, when you begin to enjoy life more, it will show... and it will be a natural attractant.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,497, Level: 42
    Level completed: 74%, Points required for next Level: 53
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Back for a limited time.
    Posts
    437
    Points
    4,497
    Level
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    207

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Accept your feelings, allow yourself to FEEL them. Once you can accept them then you are on the right direction toward developing an understanding for my you feel that way. My life of depression and lonliness has always been a by-product of my lack of accomplishment. I began to give my life direction, and I rarely get those feelings anymore. You have to do as T-Mal suggested. Don't hit on girls, don't do pickup, work on yourself and learning who you are and girls will follow. It takes a long time man, it could even take years. Just tell yourself every time you are talking to a girl you aren't going to go for her, be friends with her. Some of them may even make a move on you (then go with it of course). I just came off a year hiatus to find myself, and I don't get laid as much as I used to, but the quality of the women is higher, and I'm a happier person in general. I don't need a woman to find my happiness.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  6. #6
    emanus is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 76, Level: 1
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 24
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    13
    Points
    76
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Thanks again guys.

    I'm basically going to take a bit more relaxed perspective on the whole thing as you suggested. However, the only time I'm really meeting girls is when I go out, and I don't ever really want to go out. Every time I go out it's because I'm pushing myself. I know that is what I have to do if I am ever going to meet someone/have sex.

    For several years I was just sitting at home on weekends, watching new TV shows, getting a new hobby etc or hanging out with guy friends thinking something was going to come to me. Or that the next week during work I'll definitily approach some girls, and then as usual nothing happened and the weeks turned into months and months into years. That's why I'm now on this 110% forward action push which might make me come of a bit desperate at times I guess too.

    I don't really see it as a really "FUN" thing to do, to go out and approach girls or approaching during daytime. It's something I want to do, and it can be fun though, sure. Things I enjoy doing like cooking in my kitchen and working out won't get me anywhere alone. (noway i'm approaching anyone in the gym, with my success ratio seeing those girls everytime I'm at the gym afterwards..ugh)

    Based on what you're saying I should find reasons to enjoy myself while i'm out and it should'nt be so damn outcome-dependent. I'm not sure what that would be so far though, heh.

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Here's one example of how to get into that state of mind... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0x0WlGXFfA


    --however you need to realize that you need to still work on yourself because if you don't you can never keep up such an emotional state to shine your light and happiness to other people to make them happy to be around you...
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    Ivo's Avatar
    Ivo
    Ivo is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 136, Level: 2
    Level completed: 72%, Points required for next Level: 14
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Sofia, Bulgaria
    Posts
    20
    Points
    136
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    10

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Hi man. There are good advices above let me share mine either.
    First achieving stable confidence needs a lot of stuff around, it is more a lifestyle than a mood. A little example: You will feel more confident wearing tuxedo on a date rather than pijama Stable confidence is basicly your work, hobbies, possessions, social circle, place to live and so on. So being stable confident means having a stable and satisfied life.
    "Seeing guys with pretty gf's is just like a dagger into my chest."
    I remember that. Feeling like others deserve good things for some reason, which is totally unknown for me. I was on that way long time ago. How I made it? When somebody have something that you want, feel happy about it, sympathize the mood that you would feel in his place. You actually share others success making free space for it to visit your life either. When people envy-they stay with empty hands, remember that.
    It is a long theme but I will share you a little from it. Making a smile even fake for a minute or more makes you feel happier. Like it is said fake it till you make it. So when you feel bad but you want to be in a good mood fake smile untill you feel better.

  9. #9
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivo View Post
    "Seeing guys with pretty gf's is just like a dagger into my chest."
    I remember that. Feeling like others deserve good things for some reason, which is totally unknown for me. I was on that way long time ago. How I made it? When somebody have something that you want, feel happy about it, sympathize the mood that you would feel in his place. You actually share others success making free space for it to visit your life either. When people envy-they stay with empty hands, remember that.
    another thing too is that you can actually turn this to your benefit in making newer friends and opening new doors to meet women. usually a HB10 has other HBs around her or knows plenty of them. Befriend the guy--compliment on how good they look together. have a normal conversation about them and just have fun with it. if you can talk to them and get them to talk about how they met because you think they look good together they'll think you're not hitting on them and that you're interesting because these days --no one says that to couples. befriending people can help you boost your confidence and if you're honest in letting them know your single and you don't sound like an idiot or weirdo i'm sure they could probably hook you up with a blind date with a girl who might be in the same situation as you.

    the ultimate goal here is to have social abundance rather than what most people in the PUA world describe or shoot for with the abundance of women mentality. when you have social abundance you don't care if you're hanging out with women or men--you're a socially dominant person who has no ties to anyone who does what ever he wants to make himself feel great and others around him. you can still want a girlfriend, sex or marriage but the more that people see you're having a great time and just making the group feel better about being around you the more people will want you around. because of this you'll have a better chance at people taking care of you socially and if they aren't attracted to you--they'll help you find a girl in how they think you should do it. you don't have to do it, but listen to them. thats when you take the rest of the principles of the PUA world and apply it to talking to women in bars, clubs or out on the street because you're not worried about getting them to go home with you--you have your friends you could still have fun with. she's just someone you thought was interesting enough to have like 5 minutes of conversation with. don't over analyze things--go live your life.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #10
    emanus is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 76, Level: 1
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 24
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    13
    Points
    76
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Today a decent looking girl actually approached me during work in public (and an ugly colleague of mine) She was working really close and was bored. Maybe just bored and no intentions, tried my best, got her to laugh a couple times but the whole time I was thinking "how am I going to close this, what the way to getting number etc" So I wasn't using my focus like I should've. Nothing happened and she went back to work a few minutes later. 30 minutes later I came up with the perfect answers but then of course it was too late..

    Usually missing an opportunity like that makes me feel shit but I didn't this time. Decided that I actually did try my best and it just didn't work out that time and went on with my day.

    Later during the day at the grocery store I saw at least 2 pretty girls I definitely would wanna fark but I didn't dare to approach them (as usually in that sort of setting) This still makes me feel pissed afterwards. Feels pathetic and like everytime I'm not approaching, at least drcopping some sort of hook it's a huge failure to myself as a person, to my character.


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 05-22-2013, 01:11 PM
  2. My Thoughts On Getting Over AA
    By Vicodin24 in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 12-06-2012, 02:00 AM
  3. looking for your thoughts on this one...
    By St.Jonny in forum How To Get Your Ex Back
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 07-26-2012, 03:04 AM
  4. Low Self Esteem
    By BatMan in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 07-12-2012, 12:44 AM
  5. Braces lowering my self-esteem
    By The Chase in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 10
    Last Thread: 01-22-2011, 11:27 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com