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Thread: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

  1. #21
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    I agree with direct as its just more well rounded in saying what i wanted to say. The only thing i think i stray from is the fact that the guy never made it clear with fair warning with full honesty--even after the fact is important and acceptable.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  2. #22
    rogerpaul1234 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    Man this thread is pretty crazy. Lets look at a few things here because there's a difference between "how it should be" and "How it really is".

    I used to have very similar views to Kyle when I was younger but banging a bunch of women, and getting into situations along the way, things have changed.

    Rule #1. Your ex girlfriend will bang one of your friends after you break up. It happens nearly every single time. Why you ask? Because your girlfriend became friends with all of your friends when you dated and those are the guys she knows. She will be attracted to AT LEAST one of them and try to bang him as soon as you two break up (if not before). The only way it won't happen is if your friend is super close to you and says no. The girl will try to get with one of your friends every time. This is the way the world works. It sounds shitty but it's extremely common and you need to accept it.

    I was dating a girl (She wasn't my girlfriend) years ago and I went out of town one weekend. My buddy Dan was having a party and she went. I got back into town and Dan called me immediately. He told me he banged the girl and she didn't want him to tell me. I was pissed but happy he was honest. I called the girl up and told her off. The stupid girl chased me for two months crying and trying desperately to get me back! I'm still friends with Dan to this day and he's a great f'ing guy! It would have been a sh!tty thing for me to end the friendship because of that.

    Rule #2. If you keep bringing a girl around and you don't close the deal, one of your friends will. I know the op's situation is a little different but this rule is a big one. Don't bring a girl around your friends until you've been banging her on the regular. One of your friends will try to pick her up if she's hot!

    I don't hit on the women my friends are trying to get with at the beginning. I give them time to work their game even if I notice the chick is into me. BUT there's one thing that needs to be stated: If your bringing a chick around and your not closing the deal someone else will. I've had friends who had HUGE crushes on some chick who obviously didn't feel the same way. These guys had no chance and no matter what I told them they wouldn't believe me. There comes a time when enough is enough. If the girl is attractive and I want her I go after it, AFTER he screws his chances up. I even tell them "listen dude, I'm going to bang Beth. I haven't done anything with her yet but it's going to happen. I thought I would tell you first because I know you like her".

    Rule #3. All of your friends will let you down at some point, as you will let all your friends down at some point as well. People make bad decisions. Just because one of your good friends did something you didn't like doesn't mean you should just cut them out of your life. I banged my best friends younger sister multiple times but told him about it right after it happened. He wasn't very happy but he was happy that I was honest about it and he forgave me. My other buddy then banged his sister and was hanging out with her but he was secretive about it and pulled some shady moves. My buddy didn't forgive him because of the way he went about it.

    I banged my other best friends little sister who is seven years younger than me. Before I even made out with her I told my friend that I was going to be seeing her little sister. She was fine with it because I was honest and told her right away. If I would have went and banged her little sister a bunch behind her back it would be different.

    Rule #4. Be upfront and honest with your friends if you did something. All of these stories I've told could easily end a friendship but everyone involved was honest. This saved the friendships regardless of the actions involved. If things were deceptive and "behind peoples backs" the outcomes would have been different. If you find yourself in a situation be honest with your friend right away and they will usually forgive you.

    Remember Dan from the beginning of the post? He's happily married right now to a beautiful woman who makes 6 figures. Well he dated a mutual friend of ours for three years before he met his wife. I've been flirting with this girl recently and she's totally DTF so I told him "Hey Dan you know Beth? I've been flirting with her allot recently and she totally wants my nuts. Next time she's in town I'm banging her". Dan wasn't real happy about that but I said "Hey man, you're married to an amazing woman who's better for you than Beth. You have no right to be upset". To which he agreed. Honesty for the win! :-D

    I think the question here is one of respect and compassion. It is hell to hear the moans of passion from a woman you liked with another man or see her with your friend. You alphas have enough choice, there is no need to impose needless suffering just because you have game and some poor chap does not. If you know that she likes you, and yet she is the girl that I like too, I think it is a mark of respect to lay off, if you are my friend, or if you are my room mate. If you are a stranger that is a different matter.
    As for telling me before, that is like telling me you are going to piss in my mouth, and since you told me first, I should be Ok with it.

  3. #23
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    What you guys are saying is all correct in terms of friendship and so on, but I don't think roger's room mate is his friend at all. I think roger's roommate is not just alpha, he is domineering. The relationship between roger and his roommate is not of equals, but of a very clearly alpha-omega relationship. And worse roger buys into it. Every post I've seen of roger's states at some point that his roommate is better then him. And this attitude is killing his chances of attracting women. In fact I would bet that his roommate is using this as a way to make himself even more attractive. It's not fair, it's not nice, and it's poison.

    Roger you need to extricate yourself from this situation so you can have a chance at winning. He won't let you.

  4. #24
    rogerpaul1234 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    Quote Originally Posted by daffyff View Post
    What you guys are saying is all correct in terms of friendship and so on, but I don't think roger's room mate is his friend at all. I think roger's roommate is not just alpha, he is domineering. The relationship between roger and his roommate is not of equals, but of a very clearly alpha-omega relationship. And worse roger buys into it. Every post I've seen of roger's states at some point that his roommate is better then him. And this attitude is killing his chances of attracting women. In fact I would bet that his roommate is using this as a way to make himself even more attractive. It's not fair, it's not nice, and it's poison.

    Roger you need to extricate yourself from this situation so you can have a chance at winning. He won't let you.
    Any ideas how? I can t leave the place since the rent is cheap, and further, I don t see why I should be the one to run away.

  5. #25
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    i lived in a place that i ultimately couldn't stand the room mates with for about 8 months--they grew worse and worse as room mates--i could never use the kitchen because it was a mess, dog ran rampant and barked at everything and they were pretty awful in general. i moved out after i saved enough--moved in with a friend and started saving up. i think you can do the same.

    i think what you should be asking yourself is--do you want to move out? or do you want to solve the problem? if you want to solve the problem then put your room mate in his place. tell him he owes you one--if he says he doesn't either move out or punch in the face and call it even. why resort to violence? i believe violence is a powerful tool--and shouldn't be used at as often as people throw it out there. i've known many guys who've went head to head in a fight and regardless of who won they both understood each other and never messed with each other again--if anything they became much more friendlier towards each other because they knew that they could easily get back into a fight--but did they want to go for round 2? with this said violence can help calm both sides and bring things back to ground zero--i think the problem in society is that we see violence as someone inflicting wrong upon another person who didn't deserve it. while i think this can be true in some cases--i honestly can't agree with it wholeheartedly because i believe that people often snowball their thoughts and emotions through out a day, week, month, year, decade and most people don't work / sort out their inner game to realize these problems. because of this they don't think twice about certain things OR get stuck in the anxiety of approaching their problems. i believe that in a confrontation violence is the highest form of emotional display of disagreement between two parties. if you look at some of the stories from the PUA community some PUAs have F-Closed with girls who were getting physically violent with another person at say a party--and because they were so emotionally out of control sex was a physical act that could transition out of the adrenalynn and emotional sense.

    but--SHOULD YOU RESORT TO VIOLENCE WITH INTENT? no. should it be a last resort if your room mate is going to continue to neglect your friendship, personal space and life? i say yes if you're not willing to budge anywhere and you're simply looking for an understanding. if you aren't looking to resort to violence i'd highly recommend just moving out of there--he doesn't have your best interest in mind.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #26
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    i've known many guys who've went head to head in a fight and regardless of who won they both understood each other and never messed with each other again--if anything they became much more friendlier towards each other because they knew that they could easily get back into a fight--but did they want to go for round 2? with this said violence can help calm both sides and bring things back to ground zero--i think the problem in society is that we see violence as someone inflicting wrong upon another person who didn't deserve it. while i think this can be true in some cases--i honestly can't agree with it wholeheartedly because i believe that people often snowball their thoughts and emotions through out a day, week, month, year, decade and most people don't work / sort out their inner game to realize these problems. because of this they don't think twice about certain things OR get stuck in the anxiety of approaching their problems. i believe that in a confrontation violence is the highest form of emotional display of disagreement between two parties.
    This is true. I haven't gotten in a physical fight since early high school, but those fights with friends did end up diffusing the situation. I don't think anyone "won." But the result was usually one of mutual respect.

    It makes me think of primate behavior. Usually the act of violence is just posturing...threaten ing violence. But the truth is nobody actually wants to get hurt. Injuries in the wild often means death. And we carry that with us today.

    So in this situation, getting in a fight may be the best solution. It will plant the idea in your roommate's mind that there are consequences to messing with you, possibly dangerous ones. This is the most basic form of respect.

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    but--SHOULD YOU RESORT TO VIOLENCE WITH INTENT? no. should it be a last resort if your room mate is going to continue to neglect your friendship, personal space and life? i say yes if you're not willing to budge anywhere and you're simply looking for an understanding. if you aren't looking to resort to violence i'd highly recommend just moving out of there--he doesn't have your best interest in mind.
    In light of this, I'm changing my advice. I strongly encourage the fight over moving out. I still think your roommate is poison, and domineering, and the relationship you have with him is a key factor to your frustrations with women. But the reason is because of the inequality. You need to get to a point of being at least seen as an equal to this guy....in his eyes, in the world's eyes and in your eyes.

  7. #27
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: room mate steals the girl I was trying to get

    This thread made my day. The opinions are so divided and the Tension can be cut with a blunt sword! Hilarious!


    Back to topic:

    It sounds to me like this whole thing boils down to you two playing a game of Who Wants to Be an Alpha Male! We're pack animals in our raw animalistic nature and within every house, building, company and corporation you will always have someone at the top of the ladder making all the decisions.

    Animals settle the hierarchy by fighting until one relents or dies. We however can think and reason so you either agree to power share and one gets to play alpha and the other takes a more submissive role and switch the roles when necessary. Basically be each other's wing, if he doesn't agree, an eye for an eye. Fark one of the girls he wants. Make sure he hears every moan, every scream and every bang.

    So much for diplomacy.....


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