Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
Like Tree1Likes

Thread: Big mistake - I think it's too late

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 314, Level: 6
    Level completed: 28%, Points required for next Level: 36
    Overall activity: 35.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    131
    Points
    314
    Level
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    22

    Default Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Yesterday, something incredible happened (like 1 chance in a million for it happening).

    I was at an open air music festival and I suddenly noticed this HB8 next to me. I had a good look at her and I really couldn't believe my eyes. It was one of those chicks that is on the dating website POF (plenty of fish). I specifically remembered her features as I really wanted to send her a message. For some reason, the website kept deleting my accounts, so I eventually gave up.

    Seeing this girl in real life was like a wish coming true. I couldn't resist, so I approached her. I told her that I think I had seen her somewhere before (said her nickname) and then she seemed embarrassed all of a sudden. We chatted a very short bit and I asked if she wanted to meet for drinks. She said she lived in another town and she just came for the festival, but she offered to meet this Sunday instead. I said ok, we exchanged phone numbers, and then went back to my group of friends.

    I sent her a message this morning and she seemed evasive (is going to another open-air concert with her friend). Since the place of the concert was really close to my place, I offered to join them. No response so far.

    Well, I guess I screwed up my approach. I should have talked a bit longer to create comfort, but she was with her female friend and it was kind of weird. Too bad... will do better next time. It's still her loss though, I am a great guy

    The lesson I learned is that you need to establish some sort of connection before getting a phone number or you probably won't see the girl again. cold approach should not be too cold either

  2. #2
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 385, Level: 7
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 15
    Overall activity: 6.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    96
    Points
    385
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    23

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    I approached her. I told her that I think I had seen her somewhere before (said her nickname) and then she seemed embarrassed all of a sudden.
    I think cause you mentioned her nickname that might of creeped her out but as you said shes going to another concert she may be busy getting ready for that.
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 314, Level: 6
    Level completed: 28%, Points required for next Level: 36
    Overall activity: 35.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    131
    Points
    314
    Level
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    22

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Quote Originally Posted by kylemc View Post
    I think cause you mentioned her nickname that might of creeped her out but as you said shes going to another concert she may be busy getting ready for that.
    That's why I should have done some more chit chat, to put her at ease and make her trust me. I would have made myself a bit more mysterious and would have drawn her interest.

    To be honest, it's only the second time I approach a complete stranger like that. My heart was racing and I was quite anxious. That's why I didn't stay too long with her. But you know what? I had something like an adrenaline rush and it felt good afterwards. I really ought to do this more often, just for this sensation

    I don't understand why I was so scared though. She was just a freaking girl with probably many less experiences than me (she said she came from some small town and she could only speak French btw). I should not feel intimidated by people like her.
    The funny thing is that I have no problem approaching people in meetups or parties. However, I still need to practice my daygame.

    With the right Mindset, it should be feasible.

  4. #4
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    You handled its pretty well in my opinion for a guy who was unprepared. You n-closed it seems--i dont know what you texted but it also sounds like you put too much hope into it. The important thing is if the girl is laughing a lot, smiling a lot or touching you a lot that means she likes you for sure--thats the only gurantee you'll have for her to hit you up back from your response. But it seems like you're stuck in the waiting game--give it like 4 or 5 days then hit her back up especially if she blows it off. Dont set thr tone by acknowledging the problems--just be friendly and tease her lightly about things after you built some rappprt.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 314, Level: 6
    Level completed: 28%, Points required for next Level: 36
    Overall activity: 35.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    131
    Points
    314
    Level
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    22

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Well, we didn't have that type of exchange, so she couldn't really see my true personality and form an impression. When I look back at the interaction from her point of view, it's basically some random dude who approached her, claimed he saw her on a dating site and then asked her out. It's a bit creepy when you think about it, lol.

    The festival is over and she never replied. Too bad I am inexperienced, I could have handled this better. It's a shame really as I saw this encounter as a sign of destiny (what were the odds of meeting this specific person?). Moreover, she was 100% my type of girl (in terms of looks), I don't get to meet many of those.

    I doubt I will ever see her again. When I asked if she wanted to meet for drinks one of these days, she told me she lived in another town and that she rarely came to the Capital (even though it's only 40km away).

    Sure, I have got her number, but under those circumstances, I am not sure it's worth writing her again. I should probably forget about her.

  6. #6
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 15,299, Level: 79
    Level completed: 90%, Points required for next Level: 51
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,032
    Points
    15,299
    Level
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    675

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Yeah all good except the dating site comment. If you just introduced yourself, had a laugh, gained rapport with her friend it might have gone a different way. Or if you had been 100% confident and honest it might have gone better. 'OMG no way hahaha I saw you on POF!! Meet any nice guys on there? '. Tease her a bit, then comfort. If she was embarassed you then strike 'Ahh its all good, well here's a better way of meeting someone - Hi Im Pepito, nice to meet you. See... we just bypassed all those stupid introduction emails and we're already on our first date at a concert!'. Be playful, content and confident. Of course being a mysterious man NOT from POF would be better.

    All good experience anyway if you don't approach often. Festivals are like clubs, lots of people, hard to form proper connections with. Next time at a festival try and use time constraints or if you are in a better, bigger or more dominant group take a lead and ask them to join your group. I mean her and her friends. Amazing things happen when you bypass your target individually and lead her entire group into yours. You become a higher level alpha male because of your leadership skills. In approaching groups of girls at something like a festival I always act like Im just out to meet people (kind of like cold approach) and target all of them initially. I make the target have to compete with her girlfriends for my attention, rather than me trying to compete with her girlfriends/friends.

    I disagree about needing comfort to get a number or connection. Many times in my life I have got a number without hardly speaking a word to the girl. This is usually coupled with a time constraint but I am still 100% confident, smile, look her in the eyes and hope she can see potential or is interested in me at least from my looks and what I'm wearing (what kind of person I might be). The comfort is built later when I contact them full of suprises about my self. Initially I am just the mysterious guy who asked for a number. In asking the number I will get in close and touch her in some way but there have been many times where there was little conversation really. I got the number and said I had to go. I then write a few days later...not super keen but like I was never going to forget her either.

    You should only stop writing to her unless you get a complete negative (zero responses or 'leave me alone' or 'I have a husband'). You could send her photos from the show or another festival. You could ask her what music she is listening to now, can she send some mp3's to you? Tell her about a great band you just found. Tell you bought a guitar. Send her a joke, send her a message of something interesting you're up to. Don't give up entirely because she didn't instantly run to your house naked. Treat her like she is a new friend you met rather than a lover you lost. She will only be creeped out if you are obviously needy or if the initial approach at the festival was truly awkward.

  7. #7
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 314, Level: 6
    Level completed: 28%, Points required for next Level: 36
    Overall activity: 35.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    131
    Points
    314
    Level
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    22

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Thanks for the feedback, there's some really useful info

    I actually think I screwed up on several levels:

    1) I didn't handle well my opening. Mentioning the dating site was indeed weird and I should have talked about that later on. I should have commented something about the band that was playing instead.

    2) I didn't engage in proper conversation. As you said, I didn't do anything to appear interesting and mysterious so that she will want to meet me again. I did not build rapport either. I just mentioned that I was a foreigner (it's not always perceivable as I don't have any accent) and that I was with a group of international friends.
    You gave some pretty good examples. I could have said any of these things, but I was too stressed and my brain froze. This proves I am still inexperienced. I hope one day these things will come naturally to me just as they are coming to you. This is not my standard process of thought, so it does not happen automatically for me.
    There's so many things I could have used to dhv. I was in group of 100% international people (Indians, Germans, French, Singaporian, etc.) and could have introduced them to her.
    Tch, such a missed opportunity...

    3) Finally, I showed the exchange of messages to a female friend and she told me I was simply rude and she was not surprised that I didn't get any reply.

    In a nutshell, here's how it went (loose translation from the original text):

    Me: Hey there, it was quite a surprise seeing you at the concert yesterday, fate is sometimes playing tricks like that I know some pretty good bars where we can chill out and enjoy the sun. How about meeting at x place at x hour?

    Her: Hey there, yeah it was quite surprising indeed About this afternoon, I am afraid I can't make it... I have planned to go with my friend to the concert at the main park... sorry...

    Me: Oh yeah, I forgot you guys specially came for the festival. Listen, I actually live near the park. We could meet in the afternoon. You can also tell your friend to come along, no prob



    Now, my female friend said my last sms was just plain wrong. I shouldn't have written this that her friend is allowed to join us. According to her, it was for me to ask whether I could join the two of them. As I did it the other way around, she thinks that the girl got pissed at me and that's why she didn't reply.

    She could be right. Oh well, it will serve me as a lesson for the future.



    On the follow-up:
    Do you guys really think that I should contact this girl again? I feel like I missed the train and to be honest, I am not sure I want to bother anymore. She lives in another city, so logistics don't play in my favour either. Sure, for the sake of gaming, I could try creating some virtual rapport by chatting through sms and see where this leads me. You gave some inspiration, so I just might try that
    I think a cooling off period is in order. Thursday is a bit too soon, no? How about Friday? I am always doing something, so it's not like I will run out of things to say. And how do you suggest that I break the ice? Sending a sms after this debacle is a bit tricky and I am not sure how to start my text... Shall I pretend like nothing happened and talk about something I am doing? I was thinking of something like:

    "Hey there, how was your week? Went to see this new movie with Kirsten dunst. It was actually pretty good and the setting was in my country, you should go watch it too So, any interesting plans for the w-e? I will probably go to the coast with friends. Now's the time to enjoy the outdoors Have fun!"

  8. #8
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 385, Level: 7
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 15
    Overall activity: 6.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    96
    Points
    385
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    23

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    You lose some you win some can't win them all. I would wait a week then send her a text to see if she has plans for the week then go from there
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  9. #9
    Naughty Napoleon's Avatar
    Naughty Napoleon is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 294, Level: 5
    Level completed: 88%, Points required for next Level: 6
    Overall activity: 88.2%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    85
    Points
    294
    Level
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    That's too much smile face in your texting, bro.

    It's good to be fun during texting yet you don't really need to put smile face so often.

    It's like diffuse the sexual Tension of she had on you. No good.

    Only put smile face when you are telling a joke.

  10. #10
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Big mistake - I think it's too late

    Your friend was right that, that last text was wrong in gaining a response--not wrong for anything else. Dont loose sleep over it.

    As for what to send next--keep it simple. Dont go straight into meeting up. Pretend youre still on the dating sight so you can build some rapport first before getting her to commit with you. Refer back to T-Mal's texting bible do's and don'ts pinned on the home page. Read it all. Keep your text conversations personal, interesting and most importantly fun. If she doesn't see you as fun why would she want to see you?
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Help me fix my mistake of looking desperate!
    By DonJuanabee in forum Field Reports
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 01-04-2013, 02:56 AM
  2. Handle Her Late Mistake?
    By TheWhiteBuffalo in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 16
    Last Thread: 11-18-2012, 10:43 PM
  3. Help getting a D2 after a mistake.
    By darkblue_eyes in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 6
    Last Thread: 11-12-2012, 07:00 PM
  4. Is it to late to get her be with her
    By AnaxGrypos in forum General Questions
    Replies: 6
    Last Thread: 08-09-2012, 06:26 PM
  5. fixing my mistake
    By Chidy in forum General Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 05-02-2011, 02:09 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com