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Thread: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

  1. #1
    myfault00 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    There is a Co-worker of mine who I am having a hard time asking out. I respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and do not want to be a home wrecker.
    First of all she has a boyfriend but only refers to him as his name. Throughout the last year that I have worked with her. She has always asked questions like and comments:
    "Do you like to date women outside of your race?"
    "Would your parents approve of a girl you brought home that was not the same race as you?"
    "Are you available?"
    "You look really good in your street clothes?"
    Should I ask her out or focus on other things and wait for her to ask me out?
    Thanks,

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    I wouldnt ask her out. You're jumping the gun in my opinion because you dont even know how you feel about it. Your safest bet is to pretend he doesnt exist and flirt... Make it aparent that you are sexual and you like to tease. Keep that up while you continue to maintain your co-working frame. If anything see if she wants to join you in doing something that isnt framed to being a date or seeking a relationship. You'll have more room to puah and pull if there isnt a focus on labels. And then just move in for the kiss when you're hanging out and see what her reaction is.

    Don't make it about labels if you're trying to pursue. Its not your job to manage her personal life. Just be yourself and when you act juat say you couldnt resist. Its easier to forgive than it is to ask permission.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    Is she a different race to you? Is her boyfriend? Well like artandale said just keep your work frame, keep up casual interest/flirtation and if you feel obliged to answer her questions keep them very brief and intelligent. Only you will know exactly where she is leading it all but I am assuming her parents don't approve of her BF because of his race?

    "Do you like to date women outside of your race?"
    Depends on the girl.
    "Would your parents approve of a girl you brought home that was not the same race as you?"
    My parents are awesome, world travelled and fairly open minded. (calibrate obviously if you or the girl have a racial bias/difference).
    "Are you available?"
    Not now sorry, I have a headache
    "You look really good in your street clothes?"
    I do don't I. Haha

    You're not her therapist but you can subtley position yourself as a desirable guy through such playful banter, encouraging her to strongly consider chasing you because you are fun and possibly have less complexities. Let her elaborate, just listen mostly and if she starts crapping on too much or trying to involve you annoyingly then neg her 'What is this, the Oprah Winfrey show??'.

    There are boyfriend buster moves you can do fairly subtley like asking certain questions about him and getting her to reveal her possible concerns for the relationship and then position yourself as the better choice or at least her current boyfriend as the unsuitable choice. But you must make her reveal his weakness naturally rather than you telling her he sucks. 'Do you love him?', 'How long have you been dating?', 'Is he a romantic guy?', 'Does he make you laugh?', 'Where is he from?', 'Does he have a hairy back? (joking)'. Even really simple questions like that can spark her off to reveal her insecurities. If she is truly unhappy with her current relationship it should be dry tinder about to burst into flames and you won't have to do much. She is not married. Life is short.

    Start getting her entwined into YOUR life (which is not neccessarily single either). You: 'I'm going out tonight. I can't concentrate on work, I wanna get out of here already and have some fun!'. Her: 'Oh where are you going?' You: 'Oh it's a secret, can't tell a co-worker like you '. Her: "You look really good in your street clothes". You: 'Thanks! A girl I was with at the bar the other day told me the same thing! This new shirt I got is epic for sure, maybe I should buy another one in a different colour?'. You start forming a connection.

    Eitherway I would try bring a few things to the boil first and see how her interest in you progresses. Observe her body language. If she is slow in doing anything then try go out for casual work drinks, Kino her and judge her responsiveness. Definately try and encourage her to ask you out or take the initiative if you can.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    Understand work culture before you try something like that. A boyfriend and coworker cause multiple problems. I'd flirt until she comes onto you. Understand, that even then you can lose your job or shit backfires.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  5. #5
    Will E. is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    When I started to get good at game, I was excited to game my co-workers but realized that risk/reward was not worth it, coupled with the fact that she has a boyfriend, it just adds to it. You can keep her in your social circle and invite her and other co-workers to happy hour and use that as social proof to pick up other girls.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    Asking her out is easy... Don't "ask her out." Tell her you want to do such and such (something fun and non date like) and that she should come along. Try to make it in the afternoon as that time has less of a date feeling.

    And keep it friendly and flirty. When you guys are alone and the energy is high, try for a kiss. But make sure you have set it up by touching her or holding her hand etc.

    And remember the risks others have mentioned. You not only have boyfriend risks but work risks.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  7. #7
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    Oh and I forgot to mention... Work stuff usually backfiresbecause guys don't eject first. If you see things aren't working out, start the process of letting her down easy. Don't wait until she decides to end it because it will most certainly be for a negative reason and she WILL hold it against you. Don't hold on to her just because youdon't have many prospects. Be a man and let her down easy (there are threads on this).

    Also, you must be super consistent between your work persona and out of work persona. If you're fun and flirty out of work, be fun and flirty in work too (how strongly depends on your jobs atmosphere). In PU, they say that she will equate non consistancy with lying or having a double life. Since she sees you at work and out of work, extra caution is needed to be as consistent as possible. You can show a different side to you out of work but overall you need to be your cool PUA self mainly.

    One thing though is being sexual. You can be super flirty and sexual more so outside of work than in. That part should be in your personality very little at work (and never let her see it!). Flirty with other girls is fine because she may think your just playing. But never let her see you being overally sexual with girls. Many women you work with will not talk openly about being sexually flirting with you for fear of being labeled a slut. So that's not too big of an issue.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  8. #8
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    In a work enviornment its best to not chase... But make them chase you. When you do this the worse that can happen is that they introduce you to their friends. Which is actually pretty good which means you have more room to play your game. I've been using the work enviornment to improve conversational tactics and pick their minds about how they believe the game works. I don't need their advice. I try to make myself seem harmless and friendly but using the game to my advantage to perch and wait for the perfect prey for when i leave the job. I use the work environment as potential cards to play later.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #9
    myfault00 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    We were talking about burger places which I suggested she try one and then I asked if she wanted to go after work. I pretty much got a no (She said she would go to one closer to her house). From there on we started talking about different food places each other should try for a few days. I didn't talk to her for two days, and now we don't really talk that much. Any tips?

  10. #10
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Asking a Coworker out THAT HAS A BOYFRIEND

    Talk... Ask challenging questions... Be different and have fun. Once she starts laughing and smiling you've got ber attention and then ask her to join you outside the job.

    Playful and engaging challenges makes you interesting to people you challenge because they find it to be an excuse to talk and people love talking about themselves. About a month ago i started asking my co-workeds...

    "Out of xxxx, xxxx, and xxxx who all work here who would you fack, marry and kill"?
    "If you could pick one drug to take with you to a stranded island what drug would that be"?
    "Top or bottom"?

    Or you can ask her to join you in playing a game called "Never Have I Ever __________"... If you don't know the game its all about filling in the blank. You can use your fingers to count on a 5 finger game or a 10 finger game as you walk, talk or work. And if you have done ___________ then your finger goes down. This game was taugh to me recently from friends and it's a pretty solid game in escalating quickly to knowing people or just having fun in a safe work area. Most of the time that i played my friends and i would spend 80% of it on sexual topics. But the game could help you build and break rapport quickly. Thus making you stand out compared to everyone else you guys work with. Inside games like this helps you Isolate with comfort especially at the work place.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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