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Thread: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

  1. #1
    Zappos94 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    Okay so lets just shortly describe myself. I'm considered really attractive and because of that i get the occasional he must be gay rumor about me all the time when people find out i've always been single. I recently lost weight a few years ago and i'm still horribly shy around women i'm attracted to . I can talk normally to girls i don't find that cute or anything but even then i get frozen when talking to new people. There has been NUMEROUS girls that are very good looking who i've been told are intersted in me or wonder why i don't approach them but in all honestly it's like i have a fear. I fear talking to people like the cashier at a restaurant and so on. I've never had many friends and up until college now it' a complete flip and i've fixed that part of my life but i still get anxiety with women. I honestly get mush mouthed and get quiet and act like i don't see them when around them.I've gone a whole year ignoring a gorgeous girl who everyone knew was attracted to me. How do i fix this i realize it's stupid and i could have been with numerous different girls in my past and i'm finally ready for a change. I never really thought of it till now but I want to feel some sort of connection with a girl or girls and begin the dating scene.I don't know if it's intitmidation or what but i've even heard girls whisper i don't know what i'd say to him he's so cute but he's quiet or weird ( different variations of this).The thing is once people get to know me and as i've opened up in college i'm a fun lovable guy but how do project this on my advancement to women.

  2. #2
    dave_xxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    When you are afraid of doing something the psychiatrists and psychologists will try exposure therapy. If you do what you are afraid to do you will conquer you fear. Here is my story and i have posted this before:


    EVERY chance you get with a female you should be practicing on holding a conversation.

    This girl could be your neighbor, buddy's sister, your grandma, your cousin, store clerk, librarian, the girl at the fast food place or just about anyone. Try to prolong each conversation over the one you had previously with the same person. Start at 15 seconds. Then up to 30 seconds and so on. Pretty soon you will be able to hold very, very lengthy conversations.

    I have talked to females that I have only met once , got their number and when I called them I have talked to them for up to 8 hours in 1 night. They had to work in the morning but they didn't want to put the phone down. I offered to end the conversation but they wanted it to continue.

    My point isn't to brag about myself, my point is that I was a very shy kid when I was 15. I refused to stand up in front of the class to present my project. I was willing to lose all marks on the project just so I wouldn't have to stand in front of the class to make the presentation. This was in the middle of the school year.

    I did very well in school but for public speaking I was willing to fail the class. In my mind at the time the pain for failing the class would be less than the pain I would feel by going up and speaking in front of the class.

    My teacher, with 2 weeks left in the school year, told me that I had to speak in front of the class for 5 minutes or that I would fail the class. It was either an A+ or an F.

    To the credit of my teacher, he told me he would make it easy for mye in that for the next 2 weeks the very first question in every class would be mine to answer. He told me to stand up at my desk and give an answer that was 15 seconds or longer. he started to get me out of my comfort zone very slowly.

    Next class it was 30 seconds or longer and so on. The increase in the amount of time required for the answer kept progressing over the next 2 weeks.

    Long story made short, I did my presentation and I stood up there for more than 15 minutes. My teacher had helped me conquer my fear. I went well past the 5 minutes and I was talking confidently without looking at my notes.

    How does this help you?

    You can do the same by taking the very same small steps to build your confidence. Start with opening girls and who cares if you get blown out 2 minutes later. As long as you are learning from those mistakes and prolonging each conversation you too will conquer your fear and get rid of aa.

  3. #3
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    First, I understand where you're coming from. Try opening them, and remember that you are quite a catch by your own descriptions. They are not busy thinking about you, because they are more likely busy thinking about what everyone else is thinking about them. They are attracted to you so the chances are they won't turn you away. I have hardly had that happen.

    Start approaching and opening a few at a time. Set a goal for how many women to approach each week.

  4. #4
    cdharders's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    Two ways to get over anxiety:
    1) Flooding- throwing yourself into situation after situation after situation until you get used to these new activities
    2) Step-by-step approach- doing a little at a time

    I'd recommend flooding if you're up to it. Also, don't think so much on the past. I remember in the past when I was told I was attractive but had a big fat goose egg with my lay count and didn't believe anyone who told me or got frustrated.

    Keep it up!
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  5. #5
    Zappos94 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by cdharders View Post
    Two ways to get over anxiety:
    1) Flooding- throwing yourself into situation after situation after situation until you get used to these new activities
    2) Step-by-step approach- doing a little at a time

    I'd recommend flooding if you're up to it. Also, don't think so much on the past. I remember in the past when I was told I was attractive but had a big fat goose egg with my lay count and didn't believe anyone who told me or got frustrated.

    Keep it up!
    Thanks for the advice. What do you mean big fat goose egg with my lay count.

  6. #6
    Zappos94 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by dave_xxx View Post
    When you are afraid of doing something the psychiatrists and psychologists will try exposure therapy. If you do what you are afraid to do you will conquer you fear. Here is my story and i have posted this before:


    EVERY chance you get with a female you should be practicing on holding a conversation.

    This girl could be your neighbor, buddy's sister, your grandma, your cousin, store clerk, librarian, the girl at the fast food place or just about anyone. Try to prolong each conversation over the one you had previously with the same person. Start at 15 seconds. Then up to 30 seconds and so on. Pretty soon you will be able to hold very, very lengthy conversations.

    I have talked to females that I have only met once , got their number and when I called them I have talked to them for up to 8 hours in 1 night. They had to work in the morning but they didn't want to put the phone down. I offered to end the conversation but they wanted it to continue.

    My point isn't to brag about myself, my point is that I was a very shy kid when I was 15. I refused to stand up in front of the class to present my project. I was willing to lose all marks on the project just so I wouldn't have to stand in front of the class to make the presentation. This was in the middle of the school year.

    I did very well in school but for public speaking I was willing to fail the class. In my mind at the time the pain for failing the class would be less than the pain I would feel by going up and speaking in front of the class.

    My teacher, with 2 weeks left in the school year, told me that I had to speak in front of the class for 5 minutes or that I would fail the class. It was either an A+ or an F.

    To the credit of my teacher, he told me he would make it easy for mye in that for the next 2 weeks the very first question in every class would be mine to answer. He told me to stand up at my desk and give an answer that was 15 seconds or longer. he started to get me out of my comfort zone very slowly.

    Next class it was 30 seconds or longer and so on. The increase in the amount of time required for the answer kept progressing over the next 2 weeks.

    Long story made short, I did my presentation and I stood up there for more than 15 minutes. My teacher had helped me conquer my fear. I went well past the 5 minutes and I was talking confidently without looking at my notes.

    How does this help you?

    You can do the same by taking the very same small steps to build your confidence. Start with opening girls and who cares if you get blown out 2 minutes later. As long as you are learning from those mistakes and prolonging each conversation you too will conquer your fear and get rid of aa.
    Alright i'll listen to you guys and just try talking to as many as possible

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    I'd suggest a Strip Club. There are plenty of women there who are willin to talk to you--obviously for money. But most know that they have to be bice and converse with you. If you're worried about blowing throw your pay check i'd take 2 $20's. $20 for all of your drinks and $20 for one lap dance. Leave your other forms of cash at home. Women will approach you because thats what they do. They are predators who will act like prey. Use the rules of the game to get their real name and find out interesting things about them. More than half of the strippers will be kind enough to share their real first name. Your goal for the night is to talk to a few strippers and pick one of them to give a lapdance to. Because you're short on dances money you can pick one girl to get a dance with. Not only does it help with the preselection at the club but you're saving yourself from having to allroach women because the conversations are just happening much faster in these clubs. Whatever you dont spend on drinks or the one lapdance you can use singles on the stage and develop small talk to the girls on the pole.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    Naughty Napoleon's Avatar
    Naughty Napoleon is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    I only have two pieces of advice to you:

    Put yourself on the line, let people judge you, compliment you or whatver it is..

    Be responsibility of your life and always remember your life is the effects of you ACTION.



    Another thing is maybe you are just don't know how to do things or scare to do it wrong, then probably you should check my how-to guide.

  9. #9
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    Napoleon link to your guide? Dont know if i read it yet
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #10
    Maverick1027's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do i get past my Anxiety with women!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    I'd suggest a Strip Club. There are plenty of women there who are willin to talk to you--obviously for money. But most know that they have to be bice and converse with you. If you're worried about blowing throw your pay check i'd take 2 $20's. $20 for all of your drinks and $20 for one lap dance. Leave your other forms of cash at home. Women will approach you because thats what they do. They are predators who will act like prey. Use the rules of the game to get their real name and find out interesting things about them. More than half of the strippers will be kind enough to share their real first name. Your goal for the night is to talk to a few strippers and pick one of them to give a lapdance to. Because you're short on dances money you can pick one girl to get a dance with. Not only does it help with the preselection at the club but you're saving yourself from having to allroach women because the conversations are just happening much faster in these clubs. Whatever you dont spend on drinks or the one lapdance you can use singles on the stage and develop small talk to the girls on the pole.
    This is the same advice I'd give. I got over my shyness two ways. Going to strip clubs a lot and my job - I'm a magician. It's my job to entertain people and I had to talk to EVERYONE. Guys, girls, old, young, hot and not. The strip club is a good idea but DONT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY. you don't have to spend any money. But, more girls are likely to approach you if they see you bought that a dance from that girl and if you're buying drinks.


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