First of all, if this post is in the wrong area, I apologize to the mods, I’m not necessarily experienced with forums. Hey guys, newbie here, (early twenties, decent shape, relatively intelligent, but as we all know that means very little without application…oh, and terrible self confidence) having a really hard time reading/understanding a girl i met in one of my classes. For the record she’s very intellectual, very attractive (i’d give her a 9-10) and also very…different. she knits, cooks, writes short stories, donates to charities, that sort of thing. Prior I had never really approached a girl in person, let alone in a classroom, although I’ve had a girlfriend before(met through mutual friend, hadn’t had to do any initial in-person heavy-lifting) and all that jazz. But there’s just something about this girl that made me have to try and approach her, and throw any fears/anxieties out the window. I appreciate anyone telling me what’s going on here and if I’ve messed this up beyond repair, what i can do to recover, etc, or just what can help in general, because i really like this girl and don’t want to give up yet. I also apologize in advance for the length of this post, as I’m just trying to convey the details as accurately as I’ve experienced them. she essentially made me come out of my shell in a sense. So without further ado, ill give you the situation thus far up to earlier this morning…
Day 1: she sits somewhere else in the classroom, and we don’t ever really make eye contact.
Day 2: she moves to my table (seating is a first come, first serve basis type of deal) because she “wants to sit up front and hates aisle seats” she sits at the far end of a table of four, where it goes her, my friend, me and then another guy (who’s in a committed relationship and makes it known). She makes generalized comments in class towards the three of us , and all of us kind of respond and make friendly small-talk. (my friend knows I’m really into this girl and serves as my wingman).
Day 3: (friday). the seating changes, whereby the other guy is on the end now and she is in between my friend and myself. I start by properly introducing myself, to which she extends her hand and we shake in greeting. I make a bunch of conversation, (conversational skills aren’t the greatest due to nerves) but i learned a lot about her. in retrospect I didn’t notice any particular ioi’s towards me, besides eye contact when talking, which she did with the other guys as well. She was also on her phone a lot and did a lot of reading with headphones in, and volume turned down very low. Admittedly I had to initiate all the convo topics and there was a lot of dead air between each mini convo. (talked about why she’s going to school, what she’s currently reading, etc) and I’d elaborate on my answers to my own questions as well. Come the end of class, I ask her what she’s up to this weekend. she smiles and says she’s working and really busy. I ask if she’d like to grab coffee then one day next week after class, to which she says “sure, most likely, although i work during the week but I’ll let you know.” I say “great, would I be able to get your phone or email?” (I realized the nervous mistake of giving her the option of email only afterwards). She gives me her email and i tell her I’ll email her on the weekend.
Weekend: I email her Saturday asking how the weekend is going and if Wednesday would work after class as we can unwind after a big test. No response all weekend.
Monday: A degree more natural conversation between us, make her laugh a bit, but I still have to initiate a majority of the conversation, but not nearly 100% of it anymore. still no real IOIs that I can recall in memory. I tell her i emailed her on the weekend and she says she was very busy all weekend and didn’t get a chance to check her email (which i am sceptical of as she had to email other people in class as part of a group assignment, but I say no problem to anyways). She says wednesday would most likely work, and would let me know otherwise. I leave the class with mixed feelings as i have essentially secured a date but don’t feel confident she is affectionate towards me. (i feel as though I’m almost bugging her by beginning a conversation sometimes). That night I discover you fine people on this board out of a sense self defeat and surrender to the idea that I am not in control. I began reading Straus's the game and learn about Kino, flirting tactics, negging, nouning in convo, push/pulling, etc, and walk into class this morning with a new found confidence.
Tuesday (today): Starts out wonderfully, I get there early before anyone else is there, to try to catch her alone in the class room. I start by teasing her, applying incidental class 1 kino ( touching her arm), whispering to her plans for world domination, making her laugh uncontrollably. complimenting her smile (to which she looks down and smiles), and using techniques learned in one night that make me basically her focal point for the beginning half of the class. She is now beginning some of the convos with me, and I’m mock teasing her views and ideas, to which I am having some success with. I start to feel as though perhaps she is showing some affection towards me, but am not 100% certain. IOI’S include facing me more directly, not breaking eye contact, joking, telling me her favourite things in the world, animated talking with her hands. Mind you she is at this point in a very cheery mood and is friendly with the rest of the guys at my table as well. We all make up a group for an upcoming project, whereby she makes me write down my email (yeah…) along with the rest of the guys at the table so she can send us info on the project. The second half of class is very quiet in general, whereby she is doing work with music in and I’m reading a book next to her. I slide her some suggestions for music that I think she’ll enjoy, she folds up the paper and puts it in her binder. The rest of the class is spent in occupied silence…Come the end of the class, I ask if she has a minute to talk about something. She hastily says she has a ride to catch. I tell her it will only take a minute. She sighs in exasperation that completely takes me by surprise and puts me on edge. In the hall, she only somewhat slows down to allow me to catch up with her, and hastily walks through the hall with me at her side. i tell her something to the effect of (with smiling, jest, undertones) how she is just simply terrible with email (she smiles)and I have no choice but to ask her for her number. She mumbles something inaudible in the hall of people, tells me she also won’t be able to get coffee after school tomorrow, because she has to work, but WILL check her email and says she’ll try to get coffee next week someday after class instead. Her friend comes up to us and starts conversing with her, and they’re gone. Im left replying with a timid “ok”…and now I’m posting this to share with you in hopes of understanding what is going on. Did I simply come on too strong and push her away? is she even really into me? Did I blow it? What is going to transpire at the beginning of class tomorrow? (we sit right next to each other.) These are the thoughts I’m left with as I type, and of which I seek clarity. Thank you for spending the time out of your day to read this lengthy post. - A newbie.