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Thread: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

  1. #11
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    One thing i can forsee is someone's feelings are going to be hurt between the 3 of you. Its important to note that because you and this other guy are in a race to get her you seriously need to consider your position. Part of why you are so compelled to be with her is because of the past. I bring this up because right now you have no true vulnerability attached to the girl other than your history. Its important because considering the situation if you do win her over you will still have to deal with this guy regardless of the baby because she is now tied to the baby and the father. Im sure you thought of this already but its actually quite difficult to comprehend because chances are you are head over heels for this chick.

    Obviously the choice is yours here. Decide wisely.

    I got to thinking more about her position and im starting to wonder if she's only latching to you for emotional support. Are you ok with being friend zoned? Chances are high if she's going to try to make things work out with this guy if shes having the baby. Even if you havent confronted her yet about what she's looking for with you in terms of frienship or lover / step-father to her child you have to consider your feelings when events reveal themselves because to some degree its really not unexpected that she would still seek to create a beautiful relationship with this guy up to and after the baby is born.

    You said she isnt in love with him. Sure that might be believable but do you know if she hates him? If she broke it off with him? Or vice versa? You might still want her but what if she doesnt want you? Consider than last night her talking to you was not with intentions to hook up and rekindle. Consider the option that she is looking for emotional support because she isnt getting any. There is a possibility that your likely to be friend zoned just because of the variables. In the coming months her emotional radar will flip flop if she decides to keep the baby.

    I'm telling you this as a cautionary tale because its no longer just dating or getting back together. You're considering jumping through life hoops to be with her. Will the reasons why she originally broke up with you even mend? Did she give you a reason? I keep askin these things not because you havent asked them yourself but because sometimes hearing someone else tell you what you might have asked can help you commit more to your decision or walk away. For an excersize even consider her saying this stuff to you. You need to be ready if you're going all in... Good luck
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    Like others already stated you did fine! It's all in your head. All the LOL's are a HUGE ioi. She's into you man. I see she's your ex but she still likes you. Whenever a girl uses haha, lol, or smileys excessively it's a HUGE IOI.

    I didn't read your other post about her but she's ready. If you want to pull the trigger do it now or next her forever.

  3. #13
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    Artandale, you are a very wise man, and I value your advice. I was thinking along the same lines, but it helps coming from you.

    ___________
    Day we broke up:

    The reason she broke up with me is because she found out she was pregnant. I was actually the very first person she told. She said that I deserve better than a girl who got pregnant by a guy she hardly knew.

    She said if he doesn't take care of her that's fine, but he's gonna take care of the child and that's all she cares about.

    I told her I still wanted to be with her and didn't want to leave her to go through this alone. Then she said, "I don't want to put you through that, you deserve much better than me. He's gonna be there for me and the baby. He's gonna be part of my life even if we're not technically together." And that she wants to raise her child in a loving environment, where the parents aren't fighting with each other or battling over custody and child support.
    ____________



    Since then we continued talking, she sent me pictures without asking and we dove into personal topics. She was timid about flirting, until I began to push her away. That's when her energy bounced back and I started getting the playful responses like we used to.

    I also planted some bf destroyers in her mind as well, even though they aren't "technically" together. Ya know, talking him up and defending him. She needs to find a place to stay. He wants to move in with her, but she doesnt know him well enough. And she tells me he is living with his parents to help them out, but wants to get a place together.
    So I said, "Well I get the feeling he's the most caring guy in the world to be helping them and being ready to take on the challenges of raising a baby with you in a loving environment."

    Funny thing, after that and a couple other encouraging comments I made... she proceeded to tell me how horrible her day was and that she was pissed off at her family(and I presume him), because her car ran out of gas and nobody came to help, except a coworker.



    All I can probe out of her about why they stopped "dating"(actuall y they never dated according to her), is that they just stopped talking to each other.

    She is aware my intentions with her are that of a lover, not friends.

    - How can I test her to see what her intentions are for me?

    - I never was the nicest guy in the world, but I do have a conscience and respect her desires for the the best interest of the child. And I fully understand her emotional connection to the biological father, whether a loving relationship looks promising or not for them... she must be hopeful.

    - We were crazy in love and I know what I'm about to say comes with great risks of losing her forever, but I feel its best to leave them be, to let them see where things go. Who knows maybe it will work for them. I'll focus on seeing other girls and keeping myself busy. Taking a passive approach, what do you think the chances are of getting back together down the road?

  4. #14
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    Well it sounds like you want her. You're on the fence emotionally even though you've already commited before this event. It didnt seem like you were upset about the kid splitting your relationship. If you arent sure you want to be with her then spend more time thinkjng about it. Dont decide immediately--but i would say the more the baby is getting ready to pop the harder every decision will be.

    Everyone has their ideal way of how this entire time should be carried out with having a baby but its real life--and real life is messy. To me thats part of the beauty even if at the end of all this you parted ways you knew you were honest with yourself. The same thing can be said if you both decide to raise the kid together while still keeping some kind of presence with the father.

    But i'm gettin ahead of myself... I really am. My following advice is for when you are ready to get that answer and commitment from her in this journey forward.

    You've been doing great in my opinion with using boyfriend destroyer. But with that said since your siuation is unique when you have undenying doubts that you want to be with her and that you need a commitment--i would also pair up the boyfriend destroyer with friend zone slayer. I think when you are ready to find out these answers from her you will potentially cause extreme emotional drama because she might not be ready to commit to anything because she's very unsure. When you do seek her answers be firm understanding but honest with no manipulation tactics on the table. She'll need to make up her mind which may cause days, or weeks of no communication.

    You asked for some advice on being able to test her intentions--personally i'm straigth forward. Its apart of my personality. Some things that might help you would be the cube or Strawberry fields. They're both similar in purpose in psychology in how a person sees themselves. PUAs have used in the field but i think it can help you in this case with her painting how she is currently which might reflect how she sees her life, her career, her relationship and her problems. The only thing is that the cube uses the horse as representing a lover / partner in it's psychology. This in itself when you reveal what it means may hurt you more than you expect since you may carry expectations--but since she's somewhay tied to this other guy as the father of her child i think you need to see the horse as just her idea of what sees as a general statement of a partner regardless of it being you or this other guy.

    In the end theres no easy way to find out her intentions other than asking her flat out in person. You might beat around the bush but at one point in time if you do doubt yourself with her you will want to protect yourself and seek an answer before its too late where you will have such heartbreak beyond belief should you really enter a love triangle.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #15
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    I have told her straight up I still wanna be with her. She said she doesn't know what she wants right now and is just trying to deal with the shock of being pregnant.

    Me: I still want to be with you. I don't want to leave you to go through this alone.

    Her: I don't want to put you through that. You deserve much better than me. He's gonna be there for me and the baby. He's gonna be part of my life even if we're not technically together.

    Me: Do you want a relationship with him?

    Her: Honestly, right now I'm just letting everything sink again. Idk what I want.

    Keep in mind this is a very condensed version of everything we discussed.

    I'm just confused what to do after already telling her I want to stay together, and her not being sure what she wants.

    I may have already applied some friend zone slayer without knowing it, by telling her a funny story about a friend I was hanging out with (making sure she knee it was another girl). She got super curious and wanted to know who. I teased saying why you gonna fb stalk her? Thats an inside joke between us btw.

  6. #16
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    But with that said since your siuation is unique when you have undenying doubts that you want to be with her and that you need a commitment--i would also pair up the boyfriend destroyer with friend zone slayer. I think when you are ready to find out these answers from her you will potentially cause extreme emotional drama because she might not be ready to commit to anything because she's very unsure. When you do seek her answers be firm understanding but honest with no manipulation tactics on the table. She'll need to make up her mind which may cause days, or weeks of no communication.
    YES! I'm ready for a commitment. How do I proceed?

  7. #17
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    My suggestion would be to follow through with the friend zone slayer guide. The guide is wolid in everyway. Its up to youto be honest with yourself and to her.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #18
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    Well guess who I see has created a new pof profile. Thats right... she did! I asked, dont ya have more impornat things to be doing? And she said that's how she had to find him, cause she didnt have his number to get in contact and just havent erased it.
    Me: Did you add new pics so he knew who you were?
    Her: Lol yeah. I didnt have pics at first and he wouldnt believe me or even talk to me really
    Me: You viewed my profile, so you must still be looking for the guy. haha.
    Her: Yes I did when you messaged me lol.



    Ok I was told she texted him last week. Why da fawk is she browsing on pof tonight?

    Doesn't it seem like she is lieing? Am I the only one who sees blaring red flags?

  9. #19
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    Do you really need our opinion here?

    I think you know yourself well enough especially when it comes down to this girl and how vulnerable she is but most importantly how vulnerable you are. You should be confident in supporting her to make the right decision but when the principals of why you're sticking your neck out are ripped out you have some pretty good reasons to pull out unlike the baby daddy she has. So ask yourself are your principals for holding out are still being valued and respected? You should somewhat consider the fact that she isnt a mind reader but she should be concerned of your feelings if you've already stated them. But i strongly consider not talking to her for a few days and think about the entire situation thoroughly not only by yourself but also people who know you very very well.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #20
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: whoops! messed up my innuendo.

    Yeah I had stopped talking to her and didnt plan on it again until a couple weeks or more. I was just shocked by seeing her currently online pof when I created a new profile and logged in. Btw - She asked that both us delete our profiles when we started dating.

    I really would value your opinion on whether you think something else is up. The facts dont make sense. She texted the guy last week. So why would she be on there tonight?


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