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  • 3 Post By lifestylebible
  • 2 Post By lenric

Thread: unusual girl

  1. #1
    Silverthunder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default unusual girl

    I met this girl on POF. She hit the meet me button, I messaged her fast, goes back and forth a little. Then it goes something like this:
    -I ask her to meet half way for coffee,
    -she says coffee date shows no effort. "I would never meet someone half way for coffee and you shouldn't either blah blah."
    -I ignore her and she messages me soon after asking something casual.
    -I send apology for asking her for coffee because her profile talks about wanting chivalry.
    -She messages back arguing that she was being bitchy and that she was in a bad mood at the time because a guy sent her a pic of his d*ck. She goes on about chivalry and a man's role in the relationship/ dating.
    -I say things have to be relatively 50/50 but that what she wants can probably fit within this framework.
    -She tells me that I am cute in 2 separate messages (one was the first message of the interaction)
    -Messaging me 2 times to my 1 message, generally
    -End up setting up a meetup as friends for a drink, half way. I don't know why I did the friends thing. Wanted to get in some way without putting in much effort and her having a lot of expectations. She was very accommodating of getting together, was proposing coming to my area. She couldn't do 2 days and then I had dates the next 2 days.

    When we met, she was pretty late with a believable excuse. You could tell she was probably quite hot when she was younger (she's 39, I am 36). She is clearly liking me. I dig her a lot but I only return compliments when she gives them, and not always. She did modeling for beer companies like Coors and some other beer companies when she was younger. She is a physical therapist.

    She told me a story about her ex. He basically had to have brain surgery and was in bad shape, was at risk of not having a recovery and she was going to stay with him anyway. She did stay with him for a while and he ended up having a full recovery, and then was just living off her for a bit, and then cheated on her. Then she left.

    When we are talking, she quickly fills silences by talking. She doesn't ask many questions so I am naturally not talking much. Towards the end, she says I need to ask you questions. Still doesn't really ask me questions. I am commenting just briefly on what she says or saying ok. Very close to the time that the place was closing, she hits me, and I basically laugh because I thought she was just playfully hitting me. But she was really pissed. We go outside and she is basically ready to just storm off but I force a hug. She was mad that I wasn't talking enough.

    I am thinking geez, how did I screw that one up? I mean she has acted clingy throughout a lot of the interaction and the cat seemed like it was in the bag.

    I decide it's best to text her/ kind of apologize as I am driving him. Yes, this could be AFC but apologizing on POF to her worked. Also, when we were at the bar, she talked about some AFC message that guys send on POF. It's basically parts of a paragraph that is just totally AFC, where the guy is qualifying himself. It's copied and pasted from somewhere; I forget where. Plus, I was not able to confront her about the conflict because I just couldn't think of anything in the moment.

    me- "don't be mad." "I wasn't trying to piss you off. I think you are a high quality person. I want to see you again."
    her- I can't carry a whole conversation myself. Everything I said you said "ok." I tried to ask questions about you. I just couldn't win.
    me- I am sorry. Can we talk more about this? Also, can you let me know that you get home safely.
    her- I am in bed already. yes I'm home safe. yes we can talk more about it.
    me- ok, good. I hope you sleep well. Don't worry.
    her- I liked holding your hand. Night *heart*
    her- I was nervous
    me- I liked holding your hand, too. I want to talk about everything that bothered you. There can be misunderstanding sometimes.
    me- I really like honesty, communication, trust, and loyalty.
    her- it's ok. I'm new to dating. Towards the end I didn't have anything left to say anyway. I just wanted to hold your hand. I am affectionate.
    me- that's good. I like that a lot.

    What do you think of this interaction? Not very standard, huh?

    Also, how would you classify this girl. I think she is the Connoisseur (N-D-R). But, I am really struggling to get the hang of pandora's box.
    -The reason that I think she is an investor is mainly because:
    -she showed her mom and her sister my POF profile before we even met. She is living with her parents right now (also has a place of her own in a different city but most of her work is in this area), but still seems like a strong signal of investor.
    -her last long term relationship ended back in August and that was a 5 year relationship. Since then, she has been with guys that lasted at least 2 dates.
    -In her last relationship, it sounded like her and her boyfriend were in separate bedrooms before his condition of needing the surgery even came about. Somehow it turned into a platonic relationship. Also, he had proposed and there was a big audience so she just said yes even though she didn't want to. I am not sure at what point that happened but I assume that was before things got bad.

    Denier or Justifier
    -she didn't have much of a religious upbringing. Her first time in church was at age 27 & she is not catholic. She doesn't like catholicism saying that it starts with the premise that people are bad.
    -When the guy (other guy on POF that was talking to her at about the same time as me) sent pics of his d*ck, she responded negatively and cut him off.
    -she doesn't seem that concerned about how other people see her
    -seems like she is testing me with throwing random fits (mentioned earlier)

    Realist
    -I think she is a realist because she has a good job. She talked about wives of professional athletes (who have been her customers, at times) & that she can't understand how they have their whole life invested in the relationship.
    -Might have grown up somewhat poor. Seemed to have to pay her way through school.
    -Sounds like her family is intact (no divorce or abandonment).
    -She didn't make any attempt to split the bill (this would lean toward idealist).

    conflicts/ agreements with overall connoisseur profile:
    agreement- She seems to have a very practical approach to dating. Like in her profile saying that she wants chivalry, a male who is a little bit alpha. At one point when we were out she mentioned that having a good sense of humor is on her top 5.
    conflict-
    doesn't seem that cautious. Seems to be getting a little clingy fast.
    realist side understands that getting too clingy will likely push you away.

    Misc notes:
    Very fixated on her man having a job, but said that even if it's just part time. She has come across a lot of unemployed people in dating.
    One thing she likes about me is that I am calm and collected when the conflicts arise.
    I talked to her for 2 hours tonight on the phone and she lays it on some more, saying that I am cute and have a nice jawbone. I am trying to be receptive to what she has to say, and about what she is looking for. One thing she said is that she is a cuddler and that her love language is gifts (and maybe something else, too, I can't remember).

    Do you guys think she could be BSing a little (like modeling for beer companies and the story about her ex that she was with for 5 years)?

  2. #2
    lifestylebible's Avatar
    lifestylebible is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    Here is when the PUA industry has *slightly* done guys wrong. Don't take the pickup literature and think "I have to get this down to a tee before women like me" or "I haven't gotten the pandoras box/mystery method/etc down so that's what's wrong". Not trying to bust your balls here, but you have to take those books and grab pieces of them, adapt them to yourself and personality, and then move forward and practice. I would have to say here, just being friendly and cool (and in most scenarios) is the way to go. She matched you, was obviously attracted to you and interested, but you put too much "gameyness" in the interaction. Again, no offense, but using awkward silences and things of that nature is a bit inauthentic. Not what the "true players" do.

    When you meet up with a girl, just being friendly and cool can go a long way. Combine that with being funny, elements of cockiness, and joking. That my friend will take you much further than the (insert random adjective/person)'s method.

    To go a step deeper, you have to understand that there are so many different types of people. Myers Briggs personality testing (one of the best in the world, maybe THE best) says there are about 18 different personality types, in general. To grab one person's method for their personality and use it to your advantage without taking into account YOU are different, is a very difficult thing to do.. and typically not the right route. Read literature, adapt it to you, and keep practicing my friend.

    Cheers!
    Ron
    Started game in 2012. Professionally coaching for 2+ years. Strong believer in good karma, if you'd like me to give you a call/skype/email for some quick tips please reach out. Happy to help. It's cool if you're weird, I am too. Just don't be super fucking weird alright? learnrealseduction . com

  3. #3
    Silverthunder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    Quote Originally Posted by lifestylebible View Post
    Here is when the PUA industry has *slightly* done guys wrong. Don't take the pickup literature and think "I have to get this down to a tee before women like me" or "I haven't gotten the pandoras box/mystery method/etc down so that's what's wrong". Not trying to bust your balls here, but you have to take those books and grab pieces of them, adapt them to yourself and personality, and then move forward and practice. I would have to say here, just being friendly and cool (and in most scenarios) is the way to go. She matched you, was obviously attracted to you and interested, but you put too much "gameyness" in the interaction. Again, no offense, but using awkward silences and things of that nature is a bit inauthentic. Not what the "true players" do.

    When you meet up with a girl, just being friendly and cool can go a long way. Combine that with being funny, elements of cockiness, and joking. That my friend will take you much further than the (insert random adjective/person)'s method.

    To go a step deeper, you have to understand that there are so many different types of people. Myers Briggs personality testing (one of the best in the world, maybe THE best) says there are about 18 different personality types, in general. To grab one person's method for their personality and use it to your advantage without taking into account YOU are different, is a very difficult thing to do.. and typically not the right route. Read literature, adapt it to you, and keep practicing my friend.

    Cheers!
    Ron
    Thanks for the lengthy reply. I am not being defensive here but I wasn't trying to create awkward silences. There really wasn't much in the way of awkward silences but she was probably highly sensitive to them.

    You make good points, though. There can be just too much information and techniques that are not appropriate (for the aspiring PUA or the situation) or are tough to master. And yes, tried and true "systems" like Myers Briggs, or basic social skills are more proven "methods" than a lot of what the pick up community pushes. Most of the pick up material seems to be focused on girls that are very high on the food chain, anyway. And some newbies may not even be dealing with those girls yet.

    I like opening girls with just "hi, how's your day/night going so far?"

  4. #4
    lifestylebible's Avatar
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    Exactly man. You can get by with just being friendly and cool, without much effort or "oh god what do I text back?? I can't think of anything to say??" moments, and refining your skills throughout.
    Started game in 2012. Professionally coaching for 2+ years. Strong believer in good karma, if you'd like me to give you a call/skype/email for some quick tips please reach out. Happy to help. It's cool if you're weird, I am too. Just don't be super fucking weird alright? learnrealseduction . com

  5. #5
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    I don't know if I misread something, but if she held your hand, you should have kissed her. Maybe because of that, she got mad, since you didn't act in a way that conveyed sexual interest in her, or at least you weren't being congruent in your actions.

    As lifestyle said (better than I could), being friendly and funny is what you need in every interaction.
    When people start reading PUA material, they get the thought of "oh, that's what I was doing wrong, instead of it I'm gonna start saying this kind of stuff", but they really don't get the gist of it: the PUA that wrote that material did it because the material fit his personality, so he was being congruent.

    Congruency between your actions and your personality is absolutely key in your life. Hence, the most important thing you must master is your inner game. Push/pull, C&F and all the fancy techniques work, but only with personalities that fit that style. You gotta know what your style is.

  6. #6
    Silverthunder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    Lenric,
    You are probably right. She got mad because I didn't convey more interest.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    What lifestylebible said in his first comment is on point.

    Pick up techniques should work with your personality, appearance and just be a cocktail tailored to your perfection. Don't buy into things because there guaranteed to work. Find your strengths, find techniques that support that, find your weaknesses and find techniques that work with your personality, and are suited to you morally (dont feel like your cheating yourself by being fake) and Pick up will become natural too you, it will never feel robotic/artificial and it will become automatic.

    Litrally for me and alot of guys on this site who have done this. 90 percent of the time they dont even conciously think about the techniques there doing because its modelled so much with there personality that naturally when they speak to women or respond to a womens behaviour the technique is just a natural response.

    I go from seeing a chick I want, to N,K,F,R-close and its not until I think about it later or explain it that I break down the process because its just me now.

    So continue with your P-Box if its working, but test all techniques that will help a situation.

    The ones that work you will never forget because why fix something that isn't broken and that will eventually become natural like any habit because of continuous use.

    But a good PUA adapts, Can get through every situation - not becaus he has a gift or a talent.

    But because he tried.... Try(Technique vs Experience) = experience(failure/Success) = lesson(Try something else/Continue) = learning(research new formula/Perfect current) = Success = New Experience/Challenge = Process repeats.

    You are never complete, I'm still learning. I was Indirect and got great at it (then I valued my time and had a moral disposition), Then I focused more Direct, Was naturally great at it. Never had to focus on more then a minute to get N-close and F-close takes about 1/10th of the time. Started to get bored so I focussed my attention on Online fore a few weeks and I hated online because with Direct, its so rapid that the women hasn't got a chance to think, but only to respond and Online they can take there time, analyze everything. But I did it, First i tried T-mals profiles which was great(had women approach me) but wasn't me. So I made my own profile, which suited my personality, Short, intriguing, Alpha, made her Qualify/dhv, bad boy but with no official answers which suits my personality as a (Bad boy/Alpha/Mystery) then carefully selected my photos, Which were smiling and Alpha, made sure there was no counter productive photos like relationship looking ones or that I had kids. Then I got great results, Got bored Now going Back to Direct to focus on being a wing man because Ive been a one man show for so long and I want to get my mates laid now.

    Never be satisfied. Always test/Challenge/ and even evolve techniques. Take one and make it better and then reintroduce it to the community, or keep it to yourself. Either way.

    Pick up should not even be necessary, Our whole existence men have been superior until lately, then we created Pick up. We were the valued ones, we actually DHV women by learning PU because we had to evolve and create PU to get them which is giving them Value. But nothing we can do now. I want this to change and go back, because if we still are expected to provide, we are the Value. THis is why I love Qualifiers because i truely believe the above and so qualifiers come so naturally to me and work so well because im passionate that I hold a value that you should live upto, not vice versa.

    So find What you believe in, What makes you who you are like I did and find the techniques that Work with that and I promise you that you will never call it Pick up again, you will call it "Just being yourself".
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  8. #8
    Silverthunder is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    Thanks, guys. The thing that I like about pandora's box is that you can easily use it when you are thinking about girls later. Girls that you are pretty sure you are going to have a day 2 with.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: unusual girl

    I would also take into consideration that she selected you. Forget all the back and forth that went on during a meet negotiation. In her mind, likely, it was HER self esteem that was on the line on the date. SHE made the first move. I tend to be a bit cooler, internally, when I have to do the approach. But be very nice when a woman approaches me. I very much subscribe to the Pre-Selection principle. That it is very powerful when a woman approaches you. When a woman approaches you, you are in a position of power. But you have to be careful to make their approach of you a success. So you have to be nicer to a woman that approaches you. Make her feel good that her approach was a good idea, and that her approach of you was a success.


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