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  1. #1
    Pokerbaby is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Coffee Dates - Just can't seem to work

    Ok, so I have been using some online dating techniques and made some coffee dates and I downloaded Carlos Xuma's audio blog bonus from PUMAskills that I bought on the weekend.

    Nothing, Nothing ever seems to happen on these dates.

    2 Unattractive women, both not into me.

    The thing that bothers me is that I read and prepared for the date. I was so non-needy. Maybe I overdid it a little bit.

    On the first date I showed up on time, my date was late so I bought a coffee for myself and started reading the newspaper while waiting. When she arrived, I followed DD's advice to tease her a bit and sit up straight/lean back, I disagreed with her at times and held my stand. I even said the date was lating too long and I needed to go out and I cut the date short. She was laughing, bouncing her leg towards me and giving strong eye contacts, all ioi's.

    Called her back 3 days later (non needy) and she never returned the call.

    How much more non-needy can I be without telling her straight out I didn't like her?


    Second date, I decided to warm up a bit because the first date failed. I bought her a tea. I sat down and leaned in a little closer, laughed a little bit more. The date lasted 3 hours, but she said she needed to go to a farewell party. Her cellphone rang in the middle of our conversation. Obvious escape tactic.

    Can a Coffee date expert please give some advice?

  2. #2
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Coffee Dates - Just can't seem to work

    I don't get coffee dates man, no offense but I think they seem lame. My recent post was kinda from the other end, which is picking up girls in coffee shops.
    It's an unexciting date, cuz, it's like a crossroads between social life and career life. So it doesn't really make sense to me for a date, and I have typically avoided it.
    My roommate goes on a lot of them (mostly cuz he doesn't drink anymore), and I haven't heard of any wild outcomes from those dates of his.
    You gotta spice it up a bit, get some activity going after the coffee shop at least, instead of just sitting there talkin and goofin off or whatever. Add in the bounce factor, and you got some space to work with

  3. #3
    jkwan23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Coffee Dates - Just can't seem to work

    edit: I didn't realize this thread was over a year old. Oh well.

    First of all, don't spend 3 hours on a coffee date--that's way too long. I spent an hour with a girl getting coffee today and I was already starting to run out of material. After 45 minutes (or even less) say "hey, I actually have to be somewhere at 2" (or whatever time) and give her some notice.

    I personally only do coffee for a first date and that's it--usually girls suggest it because they think it is classy to get coffee/lattes and stuff. Yes, they are boring and generic but you can mix in some interesting questions to make it less so. Here are two things I make sure to do if I'm interested in her.

    1. tease her playfully on something. Ask her job or what she studies and say that sounds boring. Ask her favorite kind of music and tease her on it. For example:

    Her: "I listen to a lot of country music"
    You: "are you serious? ok we could never really date then" or pretend to get up and leave and say "country music? ok well it was fun talking to you, i'll cya later."

    This is a lot more playful and fun then just saying "cool me too."

    2. Set up or imply a second date (and NOT coffee again). Start by talking about a fun place you know. It could be a bar, museum, arcade, something outdoors, or some social event you heard about. It depends on what she might be interested in, but the point is to oversell the venue and be like "wait, you've never been there? ok, we're seriously going next week."

    Make it seem like she is missing out and she will be more likely to want to go. Don't say "maybe we could get together again" because that lacks confidence. Say "ok we definitely going to xyz next week, I'll text you." This keeps her from thinking whether or not the coffee date was fun enough for a second date, now she will just look forward to the next one.

    Remember, coffee dates are only like job interviews if you make them that way. If you ask and answer boring questions for 2 hours, then the experience will be boring for both of you. So mix it up and have some fun.

    All best,

    -jkwan
    Last edited by jkwan23; 12-17-2011 at 10:49 PM.

  4. #4
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Coffee Dates - Just can't seem to work

    I still hate coffee dates, but I'm onto you jkwan haha. see ya onto the next thread heh.

  5. #5
    Mex13 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Coffee Dates - Just can't seem to work

    Firstly, I do not claim to be any expert or anything. I have been only doing this for like half a year total.

    WIth that said I can only tell you what my experience has been. I have had the MOST success with coffee dates. You guys are running out of material after only 45 minutes? I can go on for at least 3 hours. You need to spread the material out with Fluff. Here is my routine.

    1. Before I even talk to her, run the 5 questions game
    2. Fluff
    3. Get drinks
    4. Three shape game
    5. fluff
    6. Handwriting Analysis (Takes at least half an hour alone)
    7. fluff
    .... you get the idea. (Cube, palm reading, tarot, rollercoaster game everything and anything! Just put fluff in between)

    I dont tease or try to do the higher value. I learned something from Roosh's "day bang" which I reccommend you read. day game is not the same as night game. You can't be overly offensive or teasing. You just gonna have to be normal and play games to build rapport. I think you guys are going about this the wrong way. You need to establish rapport before doing all that night PUA stuff. Or else you just seem like an ass. Girls are out to be civilized. Not have a party in the coffee shop.

    In my experience I have had 8 coffee dates in the last 2 months, only one didn't get a second date (But she was a cutter, who just got cheated on lol).

  6. #6
    DLM24 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Coffee Dates - Just can't seem to work

    I find 30 minute coffee dates work a treat. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for everyone else. What I do is tell 'the woman' in question that I'm pretty busy 'date day' meeting friends etc but have 30 minutes free between meeting friends so if they want to grab a quick coffee... pretty much most of the women I've offered this to have agreed to meet and pretty much you have 30 minutes to see what they're like, if it's uncomfortable for whatever reason you can always use the get out clause 'oh, it's that time; I got to shoot now'.

    30 minutes isn't a lot of time, I find it's enough time to judge them on what they're like, will I meet them again or not.. as I said what works for me doesn't for everyone. It depends on how comfortable you are in the dating game.


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