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  1. #1
    calmclass Guest

    Default [Advice needed] Question of values on virginity and casual sex

    I think the biggest thing preventing me from accepting "game" and having sex is the values I was brought up with. There's a mental barrier whenever I start escalating sexually with a girl that prevents me from going further. I can just push through the mental barrier, but I'd rather resolve it. So I'm here to get your advice.

    I didn't post this in the Newbies forum because I don't want the blind leading the blind lol, even though these might be such "basic" questions for you. I'm new to some things, but am willing to learn. Also, unless you are experienced in relationships/game/sex, or have thought this through these issues a lot, please don't reply to my thread, thanks.

    Here are the issues:
    1. I am a virgin (meaning no penetration lol). Some people say that virginity is sacred, that it should be given only to someone special, in a deeply committed relationship etc. My parents were very conservative and didn't have sex until marriage, but they're okay with me doing it (though not approving lol). They hope it's with someone I know is safe and who I love though. But I don't see a big reason for abstinence, it just seems ideological, if I use protection, which I always will, and choose girls who aren't too trashy I should be fine right? I mean obv I get horny like everyone else lol. What's the scoop on virginity?

    2. Stigma-- I don't want people to be calling me a player, or "that guy who sleeps around". In the community I live in at least, that is a negative reputation. I don't want that reputation in the short term because I think it will make it harder for me to attract the type of girls I like. And also in the long-term when I am looking for someone to marry, I want someone who is very grounded, classy, sensible, smart, etc. I don't know if those types of girls will want to marry a guy who has slept with many women. What's the deal with that? (A side note: Maybe this isn't an issue and many women will think it is okay if I have had sex with only a few different women?)

    3. The problem of casual sex-- I definitely do not want to hurt anyone, and I definitely definitely don't want to hurt the girl I am interested in. So I think it might not be fair if I'm only interested in having sex with her once, a very shallow attraction at the physical level, and she is expecting me to be attracted to her own self or is looking for a relationship, and let down by those expectations. What should I do about this? How can I communicate my expectations and resolve it with hers?

    Thanks everyone, this is what I hope the first step on basics to get me on the road for healthy and fun relationships with women. You are amazing for helping me. Again, thanks!

  2. #2
    nik's Avatar
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: [Advice needed] Question of values on virginity and casual sex

    How old are you and how what types of relationships have you had in the past?

    Lose your virginity to a woman whom you care about and whose feelings reciprocate your own.

    Society will judge you based on your presentation of yourself and the stories they hear about you. You contorl over half of that equation.

    There are almost as many women looking for casual sex as there are men. If you really care about a woman, you will leave her better than you found her. It seems like you are looking for a realtionship, not just casual sex. Typically, you cannot have both. A woman with whom you have had casual sex will not likely be your next serious girlfriend. Conversely, a woman who you wish to have a relationship with is not to be treated the same as one with whom you intend only to have sex with. When a woman associates romantic ideals with a man, there is likely to be a relationship. When a woman associates a man only as a strong, appropriate breeding partner, casual sex can be a reult. It is much more primal, filling a physical need moreso than an emotional one. A woamn seeking a relationship needs a balance of her physical and emotional needs met.

    The path to all of this is the same, initially. Basic defense mechanisms are triggered by various stimuli. There are techniques and methods on this site that can get you past these defense mechanisms. There is a pivotal moment where you must decide if you are going to make the relationship serious or just a sexual one. The pivotal point is when you are finished kissing her.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  3. #3
    Immortal Technique is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: [Advice needed] Question of values on virginity and

    You definitely don't need any expert to give you advice on this one this doesn't seem to me a post about needing help improving your game, because your asking whether you should just try and lose your virginity to someone looking for casual sex. You are not looking for casual sex you're thinking about having sex for your first time. Which definitely is not a casual everyday or weekly thing, It's one time thing you only get to do ONCE in your ENTIRE LIFE! You may not want to hurt anyone which shows you have compassion for other people, but what about hurting yourself? I didn't think this would be a possibility for me cause I'm not a chick. But sadly I was very wrong let me tell you a little story....

    Definitely don't just try and have sex with the first girl who will spread her legs for you. This is the way I lost my virginity, in a One Night Stand. I can tell you it is not pretty afterwards. I don't know you and therefore I don't know what your emotional reaction would be toward the girl you do it with. But speaking from experience I ended up having feelings for a girl that didn't have the same feelings. NO BUENO! Not to mention she had a reputation as a total slut!

    She liked me for a little and we even dated for a few weeks about 3 years after we had sex. We are still friends, but she is never going to have as strong of feelings for me as I have for her. This is one of the reasons people are brought up to not have sex til marriage you will have already committed to the one you are giving it up too so you don't have to worry about unwanted feelings! Perhaps you subconsciously know this and your better judgement is stopping right before it happens for good reason, she may not be the right girl for you to do it with or it's too early! Don't try to fight it you will know when it is the right time because you won't feel as much pressure as you did previously or you will already have strong feeling for a girl who feels the same. But when you do wrap it up! Your not gonna last long no guy does his first time! It would be sh1t to end up getting a girl preggo the first time you have sex.

    Of course I am not you and can't decide for you little bro... But just consider what I said
    Last edited by Immortal Technique; 12-16-2011 at 04:26 PM. Reason: TMI sorry guys
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