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  1. #1
    Loner Guest

    Unhappy How do I stop stalling, and save this relationship

    I've havent been on here, because I've been working in the field. I have a problem and want to get another way of looking at it.

    I met this girl and started escalating, and stopped after the first kiss. Now, I talked to her and was like I want to take you out on saturday, cause I got all this stuff to do from here. She was like okay, and then I said but before I want to take you out call me so i can tell you why I dont wanna kiss you (she thought that, but i said call me in a cheeky, way so she could call me...) I do all of the escalating and she while she doesnt reject it, she doesnt give passion... i dont get any calls from her now, and shes not answering her call.

    I not sure on where I'm going wrong... but I think im not escalating fast enough since im not getting any response... but at the same time I want a response... any thing else would be nice.

  2. #2
    tre1121 Guest

    Default Re: How do I stop stalling, and save this relationship

    boss her around a little. do small things like tell her to take your car to the car wash or pick up pics from the mall or something so you can get back on her mind and then play her game a little.dont answer the phone right away pay her no attion

  3. #3
    LoveLab Guest

    Default Re: How do I stop stalling, and save this relationship

    Okay, I'm going to give it to you blunt...not to be harsh, but this is my honest observation.

    You asked for "another way of looking at it" and I think that's the issue're not looking at it from the right viewpoint. For example (this is a biggie) what's the title of this thread? You're calling this a "relationship" and you haven't even been out on a date??? That indicates to me that you're putting way too much weight on this. It's just a girl...there's going to be many more chances with many more girls in the future.

    And that brings me to my second point: you probably messed this up already past the point of no return. I don't want to be overly pessimistic, I'm sure you really like this girl and she's really cool and hot and everything...and who knows, maybe there's a chance. But you're treading water at this point, and rather than put all your effort into a losing proposition, why not just learn the lessons and move on. Personally, I don't think you can salvage this.

    The main lessons I see here... Don't tell a girl to call you. You demonstrated to her that you lack leadership and initiative. By doing that, you put the ball in her court, and it's not her move, it's yours. You're saying "take the load of making a move off my shoulders, I don't want that responsibility because I'm too scared/a wussy/beta male/whatever".

    So what's up with stopping after the first kiss and telling her you'll tell her the reason when she calls you?? Look at it from her point of view (which is always a "way of looking at it" that you should try to look at things).....doesn't that sound weird? Why DID you do that, anyway? If there was a good reason (and I can't imagine one) why didn't you just tell her right there?

    If you really like a girl and want to pace the dating process out (instead of just get your nut off right away) then that's quite alright...I'm a big fan of leading things along at a slower pace. But there's a big difference between that and wussing out.

    Maybe you didn't want to tell her your reason because you wanted to have some "mystery" in order to entice her to call you. That's only going to work if you're projecting an image of decisiveness all throughout the interaction. If you're projecting a wussy attitude, it's not going to seem mysterious and enticing, it's going to seem like you're scared of something. Then you cement that feeling in her mind by saying "call me" instead of grabbing the ball and saying "I'm going to call you".

    Good luck, man...hope that helps.

  4. #4
    Blue Guest

    Default Re: How do I stop stalling, and save this relationship

    Hate to break it to you, but if she's not calling you and doesn't answer your calls (girl code for: stop calling me you weirdo) then she just doesn't like you. It's a shame, but we need more information to really be able to tell where you went wrong. I say forget about her, move on, and if you happen to run into her in the future just show her how wrong she was to have let you go (note: DONT be bitter) :P

  5. #5
    culturedpearls Guest

    Default Re: How do I stop stalling, and save this relationship

    You lost me at... you stopped escalating after the first kiss/ call me so i can tell you why I dont wanna kiss you

    LoveLab is right though, you're already calling this a relationship when you haven't even went on a date yet. Yes, you lack leadership and initiative. You also lack focus and intuition. Why would you keep escalating if she's not responding? And how can you escalate with a person not responding to whatever it was you were doing?


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