So, I broke up with a gf... devastating to say the least... more so because of how it happened, but I'll spare you the long explanation. Basically, I got cheated on, and when I found out, I was the one to be told the relationship was over and was put down even more by my ex saying 'she didn't care'. I felt so low, to the point where I was contemplating suicide (not just because of the break-up, but for a number of other reasons such as things not going right and generally feeling lost). Although, I have come through it a bigger, better man with the help of some good friends and family members. It made me realise quite a few things. One of which was how beta I was being to let a woman become my life. My reason for writing this is in a hope that maybe I can inspire other men who feel low, depressed, and/or down trodden by women, to get their sense of worth and belief back in themselves.
I realised that there is so much more to life than women, even though they can be a seriously big deal to many of us in life. The starting point?... to work on YOURSELF and be more ALPHA!! I never really understood what being alpha meant before, I only thought I did. It means you have to put yourself first in life and be the man (not what other people expect you [the man] to be, but what you expect of yourself). Don't take any sh*t, stand up for yourself, lead, and be in control. By all means be caring, kind and compassionate to those you hold closest to your heart... but when it comes to women, NEVER give them the opportunity to put you down and hold you down. Have realistic standards and m0rals that you stick by, no matter what! Always remain cool too. If you can control your emotions and not have any outburst of rage or verbal garbage, you will always be the bigger man (if that means saying you need time to think then do it, as sometimes staying in a situation you aren't comfortable in, or understand fully, can be more damaging than taking a step back). I became more placid with my ex, more accepting of her silly ways, more of a p*ssy. You have to realise that YOU need to do things for YOU! Despite me having quite a good attitude and game before I met my ex, it just goes to show that things can happen to alter that... IF you let them.
First of all, jealousy and control. This was my main reason for getting so weird, and I believe also the reason she cheated. I had this feeling that I needed to control the women in my life... no... I started to need to have silly amounts control over that aspect of my life, thus my attitude inadvertantly caused me to be over-jealous and over-possessive when it came to a relationship with a woman, causing me to look needy. In fairness, it was my first relationship since my previous one (before I found out about pick-up), so it has been a lesson on relationships which is all part of the learning curve I suppose. Never allow yourself to get jealous, at the end of the day, if you have a gf she is going out with YOU, don't worry, she picked YOU over all the others, so remain confident in yourself and it will show. If it's a girl you're not in a relationship with though, screw it, she can do what she wants, as can you. Thing is, if you think about all the things that can go wrong, they probably will cause they're on your mind so much it will show in you... and that's not alpha! I know that if you meet someone and the two of you click really well, you may not feel as much of a need to see others... and that's ok, but just don't expect the same in return if you're only getting to know someone... be aware that you are actually only in the getting to know each other stage. Another mistake I did, which I have failed to learn from until now, is that you have to take things slow! Some may disagree, some may do things differently, but for me taking it slow is your safest bet (I mean this in regards relationships.. with regards s3x, if she's hot enough and cool enough I'll go right ahead lol). It shows you're not needy, a woman has to work to get you... and it also allows time for you to really get to know someone before getting into a relationship. Bit obvious some might say... but love is blind sometimes lol :P
One big thing I learnt as well is that you can never fully figure a woman out. They are people too, just like us, and people have problems in life, get down, be happy, change, be brilliant, be assh*les... you can't expect a woman to be fully under your thumb, readable, and pinned down (at least not any of the ones worthy of being with you and who have some pride in themselves). Part of being alpha, in my opinion, is the ablility to deal with many different emotions and situations without losing your cool and being understanding. But, if it is rediculous and/or it is something that you cannot help with, you have to able to say it is rediculous/you cannot help and maybe they should talk to someone who is more experienced with what they are having bother with (whether that be a counsellor for more serious things, or a lecturer for exam worries, or to just not worry so much as it isn't that big of a deal if you find it a bit on the rediculous side of things). Plus, it can also mean you are not just a floodgate for women to open up all their problems to. You have your own problems in life, as most do, so why should you have to deal with theirs? A gf, a wife, a sister, all of them you would be more understanding towards and give a few words of comfort and a hug too... but don't let yourself be sucked into the position of the guy who listens to all the problems... not only will you get tired of it (with a gf, you will probably get fed up constantly hearing problems), but you will probably be put in the lets just be friends (LJBF) zone if it is a new woman in your life you're trying to pick-up. This will allow you to be more alpha, in control of the situation, and remain fun if not anything else!
Another big thing is that you have portray yourself as a prize... hell, YOU ARE THE PRIZE!! Make your life busy, find things to do... whether it be voluntary work, a new hobby such as reading books or even skydiving, whatever tickles your fancy. You need to not be available all of the time and do what YOU want to do in life too. If someone doesn't like it, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and go do your thing. I have found that once you are busy, you don't have all that time to think, which can be a big reason for getting too hooked on a girl and pushing her away by being there all the time. ''Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen'' comes to mind... you don't have to treat them bad... just don't be there aaall the time, as they get fed up with it cus they see you as caught so to speak... you are no more a challenge or mystery to them. You've got to keep them on their toes guys
After my break-up (the biggest of a few might I add... should have seen it coming really lol), I felt down and out for about a week, only way I can describe it was like that feeling you have when you're grieving. Though, this was the turning point... I sent an e-mail saying I was deleting all contact for my ex (after one previous I didn't get a reply to for a couple of days), wrote a brief outline of what she did and why she was wrong to do it (not once did I mention how I felt, or how it affected me, I didn't want her to see it as it would let her see she had an affect on me), and said goodbye. Then actually deleted all contact info, which to be honest was difficult. 5 days later, a very apologetic e-mail came back... I was shocked! Now, though, I have managed to work it into friend's with benefits by simply showing her that I DO NOT NEED HER! One thing, if anything, that you should take from this is that you do not NEED a woman in your life to be happy... even though it can make you happier, it's not the be all and end all. You have family/friends/activities... basically you have a LIFE that needs living!
For example, I rang her two evenings ago to see if she wanted to meet up... no answer. I didn't ring again, I just left it at that and went to friends house for beers and good times. She rang me... not once, but three times in twenty minutes as she is so used to me being available for her all the time that I would usually ring back quickly. Then I got a text saying 'can you not ring me?'... I was being alpha... doing what I wanted to do... and was in control of MYSELF, not her... that felt good! I did ring her back after about 45minutes. First thing she asked, 'where are you?'... I smiled (so as to sound happy on the phone, but I was having a good time anyway), said I was at a mates etc. She didn't like that I was having fun without her and eventually got quiet and weird, then hung on me. I didn't ring back, she hung up on me, if she wants to talk she can get in touch! She did get in touch a few hours later, and was saying how she wanted me with her so bad (like, in bed lol) blah blah blah... I played on it, teased her with my wickedly slick teasy talk and next night we had some hot farking going down... she came to my place, and left after a few hours as I wanted to go see my mates who where just home from uni.
What I want you get from that little story, is that being the nice guy, being there for a women, and doing what she wants... is beta. You don't have to be a d*ck about it, you don't have to be rude, you just have to be solid (in mind and on body language too)... thus, you are being alpha. I think it was on here I read this, and if it was I don't mean to steal it and take credit for it lol, but this quote is one that sticks out for me; ''A woman doesn't want to be your life, she wants to be part of it''. It's attractive for a man to have things to do and people to see. So be that man! Love yourself, more than you love anyone else... after all, as cheesy as it may sound, if you can't love yourself, how do you expect to love a woman? If you love yourself, you will understand the reasons behind a woman flaking are not personal towards you, but are more than likely because she herself has a life... I see on here many guys getting too worried about woman flaking. If she eventually portrays that she doesn't have time for you, then don't sweat it, find someone who does. If you love yourself, you will understand why a woman may get pissed off at something you may see as trivial, because you too have standards and m0rals that you uphold, and so can maybe empathize and/or compromise with whatever the problem may be (as long as doesn't affect your own standards and m0rals of course). If you love yourself, you will understand that people, in general, have their own life and little ways of getting on. Sometimes people change, sometimes circumstances change, sometimes things will just not be for you and will not work out... and sometimes, things just click! Trick is, no matter what, to remain alpha, accept what is happening, dealing with it and learning from it.
If you managed to take anything from this then I'm glad. Always remember that you have a life to live, you have achievements to make and goals to reach, and most importantly... YOU ARE THE MAN!! So don't let woman BECOME your life, let them be PART of it.
PS - I know this isn't a very in-depth post (despite it's length lol), it's more just my take on things and what I have come to realise. So, if you have any questions you'd like to ask I'll be more than happy to answer them for you.