It was my birthday & I was really excited because amongst other things, I'd arranged to meet around ten female friends in a fetish club in Brighton. Extreme fun guaranteed! It's a Saturday night & I'm all psyched up as I walk towards the club. A few hundred yards before getting there, I see a Steve, a friend of mine walking towards me. He tells me the club is shut down. I don't believe it! He returns with me to the club for me to do a double check & sure enough, the whole place is locked up. I've got my birthday party head & my dancing feet on & everything has fallen apart before it's started.

Steve tells me that he knows of a house party that's going on. I ask him about the music & he says it's Trance, so we both decide to go there. On the way to the party, he tells me that he needs to pick up Ronnie, a friend of his, so we go to his friends house, then the three of us get a taxi to the party in Hove. When we arrive at the address, Steve tells me that he needs to see someone else before he goes to the party, so he stays in the taxi when it drives off, leaving Ronnie & me to go to the party.

We walk down the street looking for the number, though can't find it! I'm walking the streets with someone I don't know looking for a house that doesn't exist as it starts to rain & thunder. It's not happening, so I flag another taxi down & ask to be taken back to Brighton. I mention the address we had gone to & the driver tells us the address is in Brighton, not Hove, so Ronnine & I decide to go there instead.

When we arrive, we can hear the music from outside the house, so we must have got the right address. We walk in to find ourselves surrounded by lots of drunk people dressed up in cheap & tacky Drs & nurses outfits dancing to funk. Yuk. I notice that the living room floor is really on the slant, which makes the drunks shuffle to one side of the room when they dance! This is not happening either so I say goodbye to Ronnie & leave after one hour.

It's my birthday & I'm determined to have a good time though by now it's nearly 1 p.m. & if I leave it much later there won't be a club for me to go to. It takes me over 25 mins to walk back into town. As I'm walking, I'm considering the club options. I know there are two decent clubs that I like, though they are both going to be closed in one hour, so they're out. Where is going to be open until around 6 a.m. which is not too far away? I remember seeing a flyer for a new club night at a club called Barcelonas which appears to tick all the boxes, so I head there.

I get there fast, discover it's about twice as expensive than the other clubs, though I'm running out of time & I want to PARTY!!! I pay to get in, rush to the cloak room, hand in my jacket & make for the dance floor where I can hear the music thumping. It's been hard work, but at last I've found a decent looking club with decent music. I move through the crowd towards the d.j.s & then begin to look around me.

There's lots of guys with shaven heads with their tops off, dancing in a sweaty mass. I look around a bit more to see where the talent is tonight & then realise there isn't any talent as I've just paid top dollar to walk into a GAY CLUB! Jesus! This is my birthday! I'd been to Barcelonas several times before though this is the first time I've seen it used for a gay night. I can't believe this is happening to me! I'm figuring on leaving when I see a couple of girls I know called Delia & Sarah on the dance floor, so I go over & introduce myself.

They're cool & introduce me to a few guys they've come to the club with. At this time in the morning I don't really have that many options left so I decide to stay & catch up with the girls. After a while we all sit down together. One of the guys in the group is called Scott who is there with his boyfriend. Scott is very camp, grossly overweight & he is wearing a kilt. He leans over to me & says that he recognises me from a party I went to at Delias flat two years ago.

I don't remember him though I say hi anyway. He tells me that since that night he has always wanted to meet me again, because he has a crush on me! What? I'm straight as a die & this is my birthday & I've gone from planning to meet up with ten sexy women in a fetish club to being chatted up by a fat gay in a kilt! You could say tonight was a little bit of a let down!