I just finished up some intense training with a client and it got me thinking about the kind of feedback guys need when they're growing in their game. My client went from being completely unable to open anything, with lots of limiting beliefs about his height (he's short) and his race (he's Indian) to regularly making out with hot, taller, caucasian girls in the club. This was totally out of his reality before his first bootcamp, and a triumph of his hard work over his limiting beliefs. It's taken time and effort on his part.
This article grew from (but is not the same as) the feedback email that I sent to him after our session. After every training session I send my client a full breakdown of our time together with action steps for the next month(s) so that he knows exactly what to work on and how. It also saves him from having to take notes in our session - he can just absorb the lessons and refer back to the email if he needs a reminder.
This is for the intermediate guys (you!) who have taken a bootcamp or programme and are in the process of developing your game. These are a collection of extremely common feedback points that I find myself giving to lots of intermediate guys who are a few months out of their bootcamps .
I encourage you to read through these and cherry-pick those that might apply to you.
A Collection of Intermediate Level Feedback Points
1) Do not allow the habit to develop of hesitating before opening . Yes, there are times when a more considered, timely approach is advantageous but this comes a distant second to the ability to open without hesitation. Everyone comes out of a bootcamp with a second-nature ability to open...but without regular upkeep this quickly fades. In it's place creeps the insidious habit of...hesitation! Opening , which after the bootcamp felt like no big deal, becomes tough again - and it's tough to admit it. But admit it you must, and correct it now before it becomes too ingrained.
We can miss countless opportunities due to this, and make approaches so much harder than they needed to be. Open without hesitation, even if you feel confused about what to open with - just open. It's vital that this bad habit is erased before it settles. Opening is the 'lead generation' part of the model - if you can't open easily, it will destroy your results.
2) Pimp your Transitioning. The key skill in opening is...TRANSITIONING . Without the ability to transition, every opener will fail. With a strong ability to transition, almost any opener will succeed to at least the hook point.
I've pulled same-day and same-night lays from the most ridiculous openers including opening with a stuffed rat ('I had to come and talk to you because my rat really likes me, if I don't do what he says then he sh1ts on my food' (credit Sasha) - and opening with 'You have eyes like your mother and I want to sh1t on your chest' (looong story as to why I opened with that. Let's just say you can blame Big Business' comedy sensibilities. In any case, it resulted in a 40 minute pull from the club and a same night lay).
Have imaginary conversations on paper. Write a 'he said, she said' style dialogue to practice your opening 2-5 minutes. This will strengthen your transitioning skills. This is important whether you're opening direct or indirect (is there really much difference anymore?).
3) Tease. This is one of the key skills that we identify to focus on as you graduate your bootcamp . It takes time to develop so it's unlikely that, if you didn't possess a degree of it beforehand, you'll have this down 100% coming out of your programme. There are several great ways to develop the skill:
- Use stock teases to get your brain working on those lines 'so basically you think that you're better than me', 'so basically you're trying to ruin my life', marriage/divorce roleplay etc... Take one of these, say the marriage divorce roleplay, and use it in every single set for the next month. You'll train your brain into the habit and the Mindset of teasing with good humour .
- Practice the trigger word exercise of writing down sentences, circling the trigger words and generating teases from them. You can do this on your blackberry, on a pad of paper etc...I do this regularly. It's hugely beneficial and starts to train your brain to make humorous associations. You'll start to see teases 'pop up' in your head, as you see happening when you're on programme with guys like myself, 5.0 , Braddock , Mr.M etc...who use a lot of teasing .
NB: Of course, all these homework assignments assume and require regular field time to balance them out. These do not replace regular approaching.
4) Stay in set with the hot girls. It's common to exit sets because the girls are really hot. They don't blow you out, you just leave. Sometimes it'll be an external interrupt that didn't warrant you leaving, another time you might just leave because there's a silence, or because you can't think of anything perfect to say etc...I think this has to do with the next point, but regardless, if you're in set with a girl you consider to be particularly hot - stay there until you're definitely blown out.
5) Staying in set with hot girls, hesitation to open attractive girls when they give you eye contact etc...all stem from a limiting belief that they are 'out of your league'. Anyone who gets into game has this - I think maybe every human being has it. There are some type(s) of girl that we just believe are out of our league.
These are the girls we stare at, the girls that give us that adrenaline shot when they walk by, the girls that make us go 'fark yes!'. Most of us disconnect this feeling of 'fark yes!' from the possibility of actually meeting or being with these girls. We've trained ourselves to look but not touch - we're so convinced that they're out of our league that a big part of our psychology doesn't even want us to talk to her! It's like a lottery winner with a poor man's mentality who loses all of the money within a year.
The phrase here is 'self sabotage'. We don't open, we eject too early, we stop talking, we don't qualify , we don't escalate, our circuits fry when they show interest etc...The solution: exposure. Talk to lots of them, stay in set, get accustomed to these girls. The first month will be extremely tough but stick with it and you will break through. Be willing to wage war on your limiting belief - recognise it and face it down like a warrior at every opportunity.
6) Escalate. Be it emotionally (qualify !!!), physically (escalate!!!) or logistically (get the number, initiate the pull, go on the date!!!). So many guys neglect to do this and it kills their results. Are you regularly, consistently escalating along all three legs of the Triad Model ? No? Address this immediately!
There are many, many other feedback points that I could go into. For example: improving fashion; improving storytelling ; sexualising a conversation; follow-up game (phone and text etc...); date construction. Let me know if there is anything you'd like me to get into in more depth and I'll do so.
I hope some of these points resonate with you - let me know in the comments below, I'd love to know!