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  1. #1
    darkowl Guest

    Default Need some advice after 1st date

    Hi guys,

    I'm new here, but know a little bit about the community after reading Neil Strauss' The Game.

    I need some advice

    On Saturday, I went out on a date with a girl I met on a dating site. I enjoyed the date a lot, but it's a bit unclear how I should proceed now, as she's giving me quite confusing signals.

    About the date: we met in her city around 3 PM. We had a walk around the city center, then went for a drink, afterwards went to a restaurant she knew about (I've never been in the city before), and had dinner and talked some more. She gave me a time constraint beforehand (as she had to attend a party). She gave me some ioi's, but I didn't feel confident enough to act on them. I also had a fever blister (dammit!), but thought it would be stupid to cancel the date for this, so I knew it was going to be quite platonic. Also bear in mind this was my first date since a long time (just got out of a long-term relationship), so I made a few typical AFC mistakes (mostly being Mr. Nice Guy, she said girls teased her for being ugly in high school, I said 'they should have a look at you know', I told her upfront I liked the date a lot, etc.). Another mistake I made, was paying for all of the the drinks and food (even though she suggested to pay for the food) :s Right, so I opened up doors for her, tried to take initiative, e.g. ask waiters whether there was still a free table, etc. She said she liked the fact that I opened doors for her, guys she knew never did that. Even though she said she had to go at a certain time, she left an hour late (so she wasn't bored?). We had a nice chat, and laughed together, so I actually liked it a lot.

    The end of the date: we walked towards the parking lot where I parked my car, and she was standing there at the door of my car, and I told her, let's not stand on the road. Then she stood there, waiting for me to take action. It seemed like she wanted to embrace (or kiss?) me, dunno, so I quickly said: I would love to kiss you, but I have a blister. After which she said, no worries, then we'll kiss on the cheek. I gave her one kiss, she said: we always do 3 here (IOI?), so I gave her another 2 kisses on the cheek. I said I really liked the date, and we should do it again sometime. She said: sure, you can show me a city nearby your place then (we talked about this city before). Then we said goodbye.

    After the date: I texted her when I got home (took a while, was a long drive). I said I really liked the date, would love to do it again sometime, and thought she was really nice (typical AFC attitude, I know :s). After 3 hours (she was at a party), she replied and said she also liked it (she didn't sound as confident as I did), and said that I should show her that city some time when I felt like it.

    The day after: I sent her a message (dating site) with pictures from the city we wanted to visit, and again telling her I liked her, would love to meet her again (I know, I know, stupid ...). She then replied she also liked the date, thought I was a nice/fun guy (it wasn't in English, but roughly translates to that phrase), and she wanted to see the city. She also warned me though, that she wasn't really into something serious right now, because she was still recovering from a previous relationship. And that she didn't want to give me the wrong expectations. And then she gave me her IM and email address (IOI?). I replied to her that this was no problem for me, that I felt the same way (ahum) ... But that I just liked her a lot and thought she was cute, and I didn't expect the first date to go so well. And I asked her if she liked the party she went to last night. And gave her my contact details.

    The next day (Valentine's day by the way): she replied about the party, said it was great, and then she said she was happy to hear I felt the same way.

    That evening: I replied and asked her what she was going to do on Valentine (that exact day). I told her I was going out with the guys.

    Later that evening: she replied and said she just stayed at home, and didn't really do much. She said she definitely stopped having contact with her ex (maybe a IOI?), and told me have a nice evening, and that she hoped to see me on IM to chat to me (IOI?). And then when I was in the pub, she added me on Facebook (IOI?).

    Even later that evening: I accepted her FB request, replied to her on the dating site in quite a smooth way, just saying I had fun tonight ('best Valentine in years'), laughed about some of the stuff she said (she was grooming her dog), complimented her on nice FB pictures, and finally said I am usually online sometime in the evenings (after a certain time).

    Today: I just had my IM app open, and was online. She came online 30-40 minutes after the time I said I would be online. First, I waited for 15 mins to talk to her. Then I said: hi, how was your day? It took her 3-4 minutes to reply, and in general she replied very slowly. It almost seemed like she was getting a bit bored (the conversation wasn't really getting anywhere). So I started talking about psychological stuff (read in The Game that girls are into that), talked about the fact that we have met every face we see in our dreams at some point in our lifes, the fact that blind people still dream using other senses and lots of other stuff. Then (stupidly), we drifted towards the topic of sex (or at least biology and evolution, and fun facts about other species or primates (I know now I should've stopped there)). I was just trying to keep the conversation a bit interesting. Finally, she said she had to go to bed, as she had a headache, and when I said 'sorry we arrived at these topics', she said: well, they say if you always think about that, then you notice as you will talk about it a lot (bad translation from a proverb in our language, but anyway, you get the point). So that was a bit negative. Also she told me she didn't read my message on the dating site yet (in which I tried to be a bit cocky funny, so that didn't work because she didn't see it yet, or at least that's what she says :s).

    So that's about the full story up to now. I would like to go on another date with this girl, but I think I've given her a bit too much attention. She gave me some IOI's (during the date + adding me on FB + saying she hoped to see me online), but on the other hand it almost seems like she's negging me as well I'm a bit confused Or maybe, she's just not ready for seeing someone (but why is she dating with guys on the dating site then? I'm also her 2nd date on the site!). Maybe it's the first impression that's still lingering in her head, as I wasn't really that confident on our date (but nevertheless, she said she liked it)...

    Should I ignore her online the next days (Push pull)? Not being online on Valentine's day seemed to be quite effective (but maybe I should've waited to contact her until the next day?). The problem is that I think she might lose interest in me altogether if I don't take action anymore. It's also not easy to decide how to contact her, as I have multiple media now (her number, email + IM and dating site). Or should I be really blunt and say "what are you doing on this day? Come to place x in your city at that time."? Or did she actually reject me, but tried to do it in a gentle way??

    Any advice is appreciated! Thanks a million if you persevered until this sentence, since it was quite a long message. But I tried to give you guys as much details as possible.

    Last edited by darkowl; 02-15-2011 at 08:01 PM.

  2. #2
    darkowl Guest

    Default Re: Need some advice after 1st date

    No one?

  3. #3
    Bill Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice after 1st date

    Gonna bring the pain:

    I can't believe you told her you like her 3 times (or more).

    Stop that ASAP.

    Humans only like things that are a challenge. You have taken 100% of the challenge away.

    Hell you don't even know her. How can you like her so much.

    Dinner for a first date?!? NEVER.

    Should just gone for drinks and cut out early (especially after she said she had a time constraint).

    I honestly don't think I've ever taken a girl to dinner here in NY if we are not already intimate and even then it is usually because we are both hungry and I choose to have her tag along when I go eat.

    Don't ignore her or ACT busy. Just be busy.

    Fix that cold sore, meet more women. Date them the RIGHT way... and if you have time, see this girl some more.

    Let me try to dig up a report I have "The fist date blueprint". Or you could just grab The Vibe... it has everything you need to know about meeting women and dating.

    Plus it is mad cheap...

    Here it is:
    The Vibe | Discover The Secrets To Attraction


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