please guys, I'm in need of advice. help me understand what is going on. and why.. i know the game, but i have a problem.
recently, i have been reading various sex stories online... i love to read, and when i came to find out about sex stories, i found it interesting, and erotic
as of late, i came across cuckold sex stories, having heard this term before in several porno's , i knew what it meant, but still had only limited knowledge on the topic ... i started to read some of cuckold sex stories.
here is the problem.. i find it very erotic.. i actually get hard reading it, and find it sexually erotic... i can Imagine my self in both places, the alpha and the bitch... what scares me is i think i find the "bitch" position more of a turn On.
i know the game, i know what is at stake....
i know that happens when a guy lets a girl take control of the relationship, these cuckold stories just show me that even more.
i know pua, i agree with it, even as a child, i never agreed with my female elders that i should pay for a women, pull out her chair, give her special treatment.
even as a child, being around women so much, i found there feelings of entitlement to be un-American.. and very distasteful
even as a little kid, i never agreed with the "girls can hit boy, but boys cant hit girls" rule........
when i was 11, my teacher was forcing us to pull out chairs for the girls in class, after lunch......i was the only boy to tell teacher that it was sexist to do that,, the other boys agreed, so she made the girls pull out the chairs for us.. (after that day, she never attempted to have any one pull out chairs for any one ever again.)
Why, am so so turned on my these cuckold sex stories??.... when i think about being in the place of the bitch, it turns me on so much, that i could bust very fast..... (i also get turned on, Imagining my self as the alpha in the story, but not nearly as much)
i am fairly good at resisting a women's manipulations, but girls have gotten the better of me before, even since learning pua... (it's almost like a trick,, wow, women really do play mind games, don't they)
i Think i would never allow my self to be a cuckold, i don't think i would...but at the same time, what if i would?.... what if find the sexual, what ever it is I'm feeling, addicting?.
i don't know what to think, i feel confused....
on one hand, i could never seem my self letting that bull-shyt fly.
on the other hand.. i guess i could...
on the other hand i see my self being the "bull".. the alpha, in the fantasy
and yet, i feel i may be more addicted to the bitch side of the fantasy.
on the other hand i see my self walking out, and dumping her and saying "your not good looking enough to put up with that" (no girl is)
i already feel fairly addicted to these cuckold sex stories... i find my self wanting to read them...
Why am i so turned on by this?
what is wrong with me?... i know the rules, i know the game.
WTF is wrong with me?... please help, this is bothering me, allot
why do i feel this way?.. what the hell is wrong with me?... i get so turned on by it, its disturbing.
please help, i need advice, something to help my work this out in my own mind.
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Info about me.
knowledge level of pua - intermediate
number of girls i have had sex with - 4
total times having sex - 4
number of Blow-jobs - 2
hand jobs - 1
top HB i had sex with was a 7.9
current sexual status: none
main issues with not getting laid: logistical, no car, bad house, limited friends group.
- first time i learned about cuckold was in an interracial porn site.... the girls were much hotter then i seen on most sites.....
in these interracial porno's, sometimes there as a white guy there, being cuckolded..... i find it Weird, and a huge turn off.....
seeing these guys being cuckold, made it hard to jerk off to these hot girls... it was a turn off.
i now find those old videos to be slightly more erotic, maby even noticeably more erotic, but i still focus more on the girl and imagining me being the one to fark her... sometimes... hmmmm........
i no longer look at those video's with cuckold in them, as i got bored with the girls on the site, and moved on.
i also read one hot sex story, about a hot girl getting plowed in front of her father, because she had dirt on him , and would tell the mom... the dad got cuckolded, but at time, i did not focus on the fathers pain,, i focused on how hot it must of been to be the lucky guy , banging the girl....... now i focus on both.. disturbing.
Please help me.. i know the rules of pua, i have agreed with them since child-hood, even though before i found pua, i was forced to supress those idea's (my aunt hit me with an ad-hominum attack, when i said i didnt want to pull out chairs and pay, and stuff)
what the hell is wrong with me?