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  1. #1
    kzuu Guest

    Question What if you're the one being neg'd?

    I'm not necessarily asking for a how-to respond, but rather a how-do-you respond...just for curiosity's sake. It'd be a different response than one you'd give for a sh1t test, yes? I guess an example we could use is "Your hair looks shiny, is it a wig? Oh well it looks nice anyway"

    Do you guys just normally roll with it (ie: "Yup. It was even on sale") or do have other methods you might use? Rolling with it might not work every time, right? I mean even if you take the neg as an ioi, your response to them matters.

    So yeah, it was on my mind

  2. #2
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    Probably depends on what they're saying. If you think they're teasing, then agree with them 150%. Make what they are saying sound ridiculous. HB: "Your kind of short." YOU: "I'm a fuÁking midget dwarf mini-me. I'm so low to the ground Mexican's keep trying to steal me."

    Try changing the subject. Try saying "thank you," and keep on talking about what you were talking about as if nothing happened.

    If you're dealing with hostility, you need damage control. Then the last thing you want to do is make fun of it, be reactive, or get defensive.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 03-11-2011 at 12:26 AM. Reason: i hate farking. only like fuÁking

  3. #3
    ToughCookieGirl Guest

    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    I am a girl and I use sarcasm to flirt. But it's always something fitting to the situation (not just pointing out something negative for the sake of being negative or flirting). For example, if a guy I am into says something about being overworked, I may flirt back with "Aww you poor thing - was the unemployment line especially long today?" I LOVE doing this and LOVE having a guy that can banter back. I find that some guys really dislike it and don't have good comebacks or get overly aggressive and crass. ICK.

    I've seen some guys use these "negs" on me. You really have to do this with some finnese and style - build it into the context - use some intelligence and wit. An out of context neg or an over the top neg, IMHO, just makes a guy look both stupid and like he's trying too hard.

    Caution: It is so in my personality to banter like this that I do it subconsciously with almost everyone that I am friendly with - it's more fun to do with guys - but it does not necessarily indicate interest.

  4. #4
    nik's Avatar
    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    Quote Originally Posted by kzuu View Post
    "Your hair looks shiny, is it a wig? Oh well it looks nice anyway"
    "Just keep that in mind later when you're pulling my hair, yelling for more."
    "It's called conditioner. I was going to get you some for your Birthday, but the secret's out, now."
    "Yes, in two months Donald Trump will have one just like it."
    "Thank you."
    "No, and his name is Frank. Shhh...he's sleeping and doens't like mean girls."
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  5. #5
    prettyboy6 Guest

    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    Quote Originally Posted by nik View Post
    "Just keep that in mind later when you're pulling my hair, yelling for more."
    "It's called conditioner. I was going to get you some for your Birthday, but the secret's out, now."
    "Yes, in two months Donald Trump will have one just like it."
    "Thank you."
    "No, and his name is Frank. Shhh...he's sleeping and doens't like mean girls."
    haha nice

  6. #6
    SummaFelix Guest

    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    I think you should walk into a law school closest to where you live, and:

    1. pretend you're a student;
    2. ask about taking part in a mock trial competition;
    3. ask about a trial skills training program;
    4. or just find out when and where "Witness Examination" is being taught, and go sit inside the class.

    Guys would greatly benefit from learning how to "handle a hostile witness."

    Some mock trial competitions let you supply your own witnesses, but I remember the mock trial competition at my school supplied us with their witnesses. You had no idea who you were going to get, and more importantly, what they were going to say.

    What distinguishes a seasoned trial veteran from a rank amateur, is "witness control."

    I'll let you see what I'm talking about, and I'll let you FEEL the impression you have about both advocates.

    JIM as Counsel

    Counsel: it was a romantic place
    Witness: yes
    C: so, there was a romantic ambiance
    W: yes
    C: the lights were dim
    W: I don't remember
    C: were you able to see his face clearly?
    W: perfectly clear, there's no question in my mind it was him
    C: when you came home, did you check her for signs of life?
    W: I did, but I didn't find any
    C: Nothing further at this time

    Mark as Counsel

    Counsel: the lights were dim
    W: I can't remember
    C: then, you can't say with reasonable certainty that the lights were bright
    W: I don't know
    C: I'm sorry, is that a yes or a no?
    W: I don't remember
    C: So, that's a yes?
    W: yes
    C: you checked her for signs of life?
    W: I did, but I didn't find any
    C: you didn't find a pulse
    W: no
    C: now, you're a criminal defense attorney
    W: yes
    C: how many courses in law school taught you emergency medical skills?
    W: none, but..
    C: I'm sorry, so just to be clear, that's zero?
    W: yes, but..
    C: how many questions on the bar exam deal with determining whether someone is dead or alive?
    W: none, but..
    C: you're not a doctor
    W: (no answer)
    C: is that a yes?
    W: yes
    C: and you're not a nurse
    W: that's true
    C: but Joye Walford, who was in the other room, is a nurse
    W: yes
    C: and instead of asking Joye to check your girlfriend for signs of life, you told her to stay inside the kitchen
    W: I panicked
    C: so, that's a yes?
    W: yes
    C: you told her not to call the police
    W: yes
    C: you never called the police
    W: yes
    C: you instead called your brother
    W: I did
    C: after you wrapped up your girlfriend's body in a rug, without caring if she was still alive
    W: I thought she was dead
    C: you thought she was dead, or you didn't care if she was dead, because you were going to make sure she was dead afterwards?
    Defense: OBJECTION!
    C: Nothing further at this time

    Who is the stronger advocate? Who is in control of the witness? Who is being pushed around by the witness? Who would you want representing you? Who would you feel safer with? Who would you feel more protected with? You see were I'm getting at?

    When a guy and a girl are interacting, they're trying to establish a dynamic. The girl is trying to see if the guy can be in control. It starts with seeing if the guy is going to approach her, and how he'll react when she kicks him in the balls (at his lowest moment) when he first approaches her. Will he panic? Will she set him off balance? Will he be the witness, or will he be the attorney? Who will be in control? If the girl is in control, it feels nice. It feels nice to be in control of a lawyer's questioning during trial, but would you feel safe being represented by that lawyer? It doesn't feel nice being overpowered and not being in control of a lawyer's questioning during trial, but would you feel safe being represented by that lawyer?

    Well, that's what the girl wants to determine. She doesn't want to see if she's going to feel "nice." She wants to see if she's found someone that creates such an impression on her, that makes her feel "safe" and "protected." Notice how Jim is a shrimp compared to Mark. Mark is a shark. He's a beast. He's powerful, unshaken, and in control.

    Most importantly, without the use of any "neg." He doesn't need to insult or talk down to the witness to be in control. All he needs to do is indirectly let the witness understand; "I'm not buying your sh*t, so quit trying to sell it."

    I'm not a big fan of "negs," unless the girl is hiding behind an "I'm stupid" act. If the girl tries to dodge logic and reason by acting stupid, then I'll play along, and simply call her stupid. The "neg" is a useful tool, to stop the girl from taking the dynamic to "irrational" territory. When I want her to be irrational, I'll allow the dynamic to go there. When I don't want her to be irrational, I will keep her in place with a neg or two. But as far as flirting, or even simply talking and DHVing; I don't think you really need an explicit neg.

    A neg is a cheap-shot, and the only exception is when the other person is asking for it (i.e. being stupid). So, when the guy is using a cheap-shot, IMO, he's actually DLVing.

    But, by the same token, when a girl is neg-ing a guy, she's simply making a proposal to the guy. His reaction to her neg will determine whether she is DHVing or DLVing; and respectively, whether he is DLVing or DHVing.

    If a criminal defense attorney is on the witness stand, because he's charged with murder in the first degree, do you really think I give two flying sh*ts what he's going to say about me? That's how I look at women. They're all on death row. As time is going by, they're just getting older and uglier. Unless a guy shows up in their life, they're going to rot alone in some corner. That's the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that they live their life pretending to be in love with the loser they're married to and have kids with.

    So, if a girl throws a neg your way, you have a choice to make:

    1. Are you a loser? Because if you are, you should take her neg personally, since her approval or disapproval represents a good portion of your self-esteem. That would be a dlv on your part; dhv on her part.

    2. If you're not that guy, is she just practice, or are you genuinely curious about her? If she's just practice, keep the convo going, flirt, tease, give her good feelings, and make her feel great about herself; then just leave w/o asking for her number; or better yet, ask for her friend's number.

    3. If you want to go further with this girl, not just for the f(*&^% of it, but because you want to see what she's about, you have to let that neg go in one ear and out the other. At the end of the day, do you really give a sh*t what she says? Who is controlling the dynamic? You or her? By genuinely being mindful of what she says, but being unaffected by it, you DHV and she DLVs. Think of it as you handing her the shovel so that she can dig her own grave.

  7. #7
    learninglegend is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    Quote Originally Posted by JonTylerDiPrince View Post
    Probably depends on what they're saying. If you think they're teasing, then agree with them 150%. Make what they are saying sound ridiculous. HB: "Your kind of short." YOU: "I'm a fuÁking midget dwarf mini-me. I'm so low to the ground Mexican's keep trying to steal me."

    Try changing the subject. Try saying "thank you," and keep on talking about what you were talking about as if nothing happened.

    If you're dealing with hostility, you need damage control. Then the last thing you want to do is make fun of it, be reactive, or get defensive.
    Matador would be proud.

  8. #8
    Alanswer's Avatar
    Alanswer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What if you're the one being neg'd?

    You: "Do you have that much of a low self-esteem?"
    Her: "What? I'm speaking about you!"
    You: "Yeah, you know it's established/notorious that people with low self-estime needs to TRY to depreciate people around them... To feel better themselves."
    If you still wanna try something with her you can add: "But it's cool, I understand, you're just into me... And it's your way of showing it. (Smile)"
    Or "I can help you with that. To make you feel more valuable, more confident... Just watch me..." (Smile/wink) Or "Smile, it's ok... I still like you..."
    If you're REALLY interested and as Summa Felix said, don't say anything (the FIRST TIME, not if she is a further offender) or something like: "You got it all sorted it out..." or "Who cares, really? I don't." (always with a smile).


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