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  1. #1
    Thirdwill is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Girl at work... in a different part of the building

    Ok so there's this girl at work, who works sorta in a different section of the building, who seems to show some interest in me all of a sudden. I see her atleast once a day usually in the early morning when she serves me coffee. She always says hi and seems to want to talk to me more. The only problem is its sorta a busy spot and not much for conversation can be made.

    I don't know if she's married and I am always not the best at picking up good conversation starters.

    I know I'm 37 (she's maybe about 5 to 10 years younger) and should know but man I just have totally lost all the skill, plus I wanna be safe being its at the workplace.

    HELP!!
    Last edited by Thirdwill; 03-07-2011 at 09:50 PM. Reason: add age

  2. #2
    Sitfab's Avatar
    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at work...

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    This is pretty risky. Not VERY, but still. But no risk, no winnings, right?

    First make sure she's interested in you. She could be just genuinely nice and trying to be social. Eliminate this cloudy thing. Watch out for ioi's ( indicators of interest, look them up in the PUA Dictionary section of this forum ). If you see more than 3 ( I go for 4-5 usually ) then go for it. Run the SOP ( Standard Operation Procedure : dhv, push-pull, disqualifiers, 1-2 negs ), then come back for a report.

  3. #3
    Thirdwill is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Cool Re: Girl at work...

    OK Sitfab,
    Like I said or didn't say (being new to the group), she has done alot already. Sometimes when I go up to order coffee she sorta stares at me for a bit like she wants me to say something other than can i get a cup of coffee, she also seems to sorta bring her looks on to such as standing in front of the tvs at work etc.

    The hard part is that I simply don't know her ( I shouldn't say don't know but rather just haven't really talked to her that much) and I don't see her that much so you know its kinda hard to strike up a conversation with her, and who knows maybe she's married right.

    She knows who I am and all of a sudden started to also call me by my first name all the time rather than just ok etc... She also played the game of walking right by me, or all of a sudden going in a diff. direction etc.. then the next day back to the flirting part. Hmm maybe she reads these tricks!!! LOL

    So I'm sorta having trouble with the convo starter, ahh which I believe ?? would be the negs part.
    Last edited by Thirdwill; 03-09-2011 at 11:28 AM. Reason: edit text

  4. #4
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    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at work...

    that would be called "openers", not "negs".

    Here's an example :

    "Hey, let me get your opinion on something. So my sister/cousin/female friend has been seeing this guy for 3 months. And he is not treating her very well. I mean, nothing overt. Just does little things that set all kinds of alarms in my head, casually flirts with her co-workers at social events, etc. And like once or twice, he blew her off for his buddies. And I kinda understand him, cuz we, guys, need our friends. But still. It was not really considerate. Do you think guys like that can change? She cries almost every other weekend. Should she talk to him or dump him?"

  5. #5
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at work...

    I have to interject here a bit, because I'd like to assert a few things about the situation.

    First, gaming at ANY workplace is ALWAYS risky. I've posted on this elsewhere in the forums, but in a nutshell, you have to be willing to lose your job, because you CAN NOT predict whether she's screwing some other guy at the office, a little psycho and demanding and resistant to being controlled, or is just looking for attention to advance her stature within the company. These could all be wrong, and she could just be friendly. You have to be willing to lose your job if SOMETHING goes awry (i.e. she misinterprets your actions, just as you MIGHT be misinterpreting hers).

    Forget game for a minute. Your "opener" with her should probably be more "congruent" with your environment and situation. You are at work.

    "Hey, you know what? YOU keep running into ME here at work. And you just seem like a friendly person. It's really nice to see that here. So, how did you get into your line of work / what brought you here to XYZ corp?"

    You'll want to customize this as needed. Talk to her for a few minutes, and then tell her you have to get back to work, but that you can continue the conversation another time. If at all possible, you need to find SOME legitimate reason you two could be talking. Like, "your department occasionally interfaces with hers, and it would be good to have connections there."

    That's make-believe, but you get the idea. If there is no discernible reason for you to be talking, you need to quickly find SOME commonality with which you can defend yourself against any ire or curiosity as to why you're talking to someone that has nothing to do with your job. "Oh, you know I got to talking to her by the water cooler one day and she's really into crochet. I LOVE crochet and we talk crochet all day."

    If you actually want to take whatever emerges from this somewhere in a sexual / relationship / attraction / PUA direction, you should try to avoid talking about work. BE an escape from it... even while you are AT work.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 03-10-2011 at 12:15 AM. Reason: typo

  6. #6
    Thirdwill is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl at work...

    JT,
    thanks I do agree with the risky part. Like I said before I work in a big building and who knows who she is going out with let alone just plain talking to on the side. Maybe she is looking to get me in trouble for something.
    Thats why I am kinda being alittle ahh slow on this too. Sorta like you said do I wanna lose my job.

    It would be nice just to see if we could be friends possibly too, you know outside of work. I, like you said, do not talk about work with any contacts. I have had some contacts before that do talk about work and I usually delete them from my phone or plainly try to avoid talking to them.

    Thanks for the info, as its getting late and will read your reponse again in the morn!

    thanks

  7. #7
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at work...

    If all you're after is friendship, you're safe. And there's nothing wrong with that. I have friends who tell me they keep work and pleasure/friendships separate, but they spend more time as "friends" with their co-workers than they do with me. :-/

    But that's okay. pickup is my friend.

  8. #8
    Thirdwill is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl at work...

    Yeah. I mean it could be more than friends but again I certainly don't know if she has a boyfriend, husband etc. plus don't want to go too overboard and lose my job or make it more of an issue.


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