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  1. #1
    sandman235 Guest

    Default Help with my first opener?

    Hey guys, first time posting here. I have been reading over the MM and a watch a friends copy of Pandora Box and have decided it is time to get into the game. I have never been bad with women so to speak but I could be way better and hopefully this is what get me there. Anyways I have two questions for you guys:

    1. This Friday will be my first Field Test. I am going to be testing the following opener followed by a friendly neg to the target and then be on my way. I am going to open like this to six sets. The reason for me doing this is because right now I want to start crushing any aa that might come up on the field (I don't get nervous talking to random women or people for that matter, but just in case I get that last second "Ughh" feeling I want to be able to kill it asap. So my question is, is this a bad ideal only going for the opener to get use to opening sets and negging and then walking away? Also I will be doing this at the mall at around 6:00PM if that helps. Thanks.

    2. Here is my untested opener. I'm sure there are 1,000 openers out there like this one but this is my spin off it. From what you know let me know what needs to change and what needs to stay, and what I am getting wrong in terms of the time line and terminology.


    Jewelry Question Opener

    PUA: Hey I am on my way to meet a friend (FTR) but I wanted to get a girls opinion real quick. I'm trying to get my cousin/sister some jewelry for her upcoming birthday party and wanted to know where are some good places around here to buy some?

    Girl: Well this and that and blah blah

    PUA: Sounds good. Well she is 17 and to be honest with you I don't buy a lot of things like this for her so what do you think I should get her?

    Girl: Well, I don't know what does she like/how does she dress/goes off into rant about what she might like

    PUA (Slightly cut her off if she goes into rant) Well shes dresses a lot like you so what do you normally get?

    Girl: Blah blah blah

    PUA: Well I don't normally buy people costume jewelry/fake/ect (NEG)



    So my two main concerns besides any you might bring out that I am missing are is the neg to harsh and is me saying i normally don't buy my cousin/sister things like that lowering my value? I was also going to ask where are some places besides the big diamond stores I can get her some but I figured that lowered my value as well.


    Any help is great guys, and wish me luck lol

  2. #2
    Foxy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    Don't have a set amount of sets you are going to open. Just roll with it, if you see a girl that you may want to talk to use the three second rule and open.

    My only advice is don't get too caught up in canned material. The opener is really not that important its just a conversational starter. That opener is good but try coming up with a few more to use. I get bored if I use the same opener all night. Just walk up and say "Can I get your opinion on X" and role with it. As for the neg you cant really plan a neg, you just wait for a good opportunity and then bounce on it.

  3. #3
    sandman235 Guest

    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    Sounds good, thanks for the advice.

  4. #4
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    I disagree with Foxy on the pre-set goal. Have a RIDICULOUS number of sets you want to open. Set a realistic number, and then an over-the-moon number, and strive to reach them. Limit yourself to 10 minutes in each set, and move on.

    For your opener, try to rewrite it to elicit more about the girls FEELINGS from the start, not functional logistics stuff (where are stores?).

    "I'm going to be buying my FRIEND something for her upcoming birthday, and she LOVES jewelry. HOW would it make YOU feel if a GUY friend bought you jewelry?"

    "I always thought there was some stigma about buying a women jewelry that implied your relationship was more than it really is. That's why I ask."

    Then break into conversation about logistics, stores, and the target's personal tastes, as you demonstrated.

    Keep in mind, really, that the goal isn't just to open sets. It's to engage in conversation. The more comfortable you are carrying on the conversation, the less anxiety you'll feel about approaching. If you find you've become comfortable in set, drop the 10 minute limit and just go with the flow.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 03-09-2011 at 07:48 PM.

  5. #5
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    ^ reminds me of a concept I came up a few years back that there really isn't Approach Anxiety as much as there is CONVERSATION anxiety.

    BP

  6. #6
    tcomea2 is offline PUA Forums VIP Member
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    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    To add to Bill, its the idea of not knowning what to say next that scares guys. The opener is BS it can be anything, its body language and presentation that matters most. Then following it up with a solid next step and your set.

  7. #7
    sandman235 Guest

    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    JonTyler: See I guess its just cause I am new to all of this but to me I feel like coming in with questions at first like:

    "HOW would it make YOU feel if a GUY friend bought you jewelry?"

    or:

    "I always thought there was some stigma about buying a women jewelry that implied your relationship was more than it really is. That's why I ask."

    makes it feel like I am coming up and trying to hit on the girl which I thought is what I did not want to imply because that would make me just like the seven other guys that came up to her today and hit on her which means my value level is no better then the next guys? I do how ever agree with the Friend over cousin/sister.

    And now I do understand the whole point is to get comfortable with the conversion and will work that into my sets.

    BTW not disagreeing with you on your above corrections, maybe I just read wrong. Any insight on this would be great. And thanks for the help so far.

  8. #8
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    Quote Originally Posted by sandman235 View Post
    ...I feel like coming in with [those] questions at first makes it feel like I am coming up and trying to hit on the girl which I thought is what I did not want to imply
    Well, I'll say you're right. Because if that was all you asked, you would be like everyone else who is conspicuous about their intent. The key is in JUSTIFICATION.

    "I'm going to be buying my FRIEND something for her upcoming birthday, and she LOVES jewelry. "

    It's THAT statement that puts you under the radar. The psychology of our judgment when being approached works a certain way. And justification kills the defenses. Throw justification into your dialog and it'll become a lot easier to ask just about ANY question. For example:

    "Would you ever have sex with a guy in the bathroom of a bar you just met him in?"

    Would get you kicked in the groin. Whereas:

    "Oh my. I just waited outside the john for 15 minutes. People were getting it ON in there! That's insane! Would you ever have sex with a guy in the bathroom of a bar you just met him in?"
    Would start a conversation, and a mighty good one I should add.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 03-11-2011 at 12:44 AM.

  9. #9
    sandman235 Guest

    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    Ahh I see what you mean. Thanks for the clear up.

  10. #10
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help with my first opener?

    np. justify EVERYTHING.

    You're in bed with a girl and she says "We shouldn't be doing this" and you say "I know. we shouldn't be doing this," as you come up for a breath of air between heavy kisses, and continue right on what you're doing. Straight from Mystery's playbook. Or do I mean Style? or neither. can't remember.

    "I'm going to steal your blender, and never give it back. Because my poor poor neighbor just lost his wife of 52 years and his blender broke down. They used to make daiquiries together and sip them in the mid-afternoon heat. It was so sweet. Okay, bye, leaving with your blender now."


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