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  1. #11
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    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    Quote Originally Posted by pooa1 View Post
    Thank you for the response Red Baron. It definitely does help!

    I just need to now get over Approach Anxiety and actually go and talk to people! Which is the toughest part. Especially knowing what to say lol. (1)

    Its not that I don't like the PUA scene, I just have different goals. Ill be honest though, on a seperate note, my long term goals are more about me being in a relationship rather than sleeping with different girls. (2)

    I wouldnt say its my dream to just open a set and connect with girls. Its more like this. I see people in mixed sets, talking and having fun. I would love to be a part of that. So its not just girls. But I do have some guy friends just very few girlfriends. Also, I am not very social with girls. For the last few years I have been isolated, living in my room and rarely going out. So my interaction with girls is terrible. Thats why I am prioritizing on meeting girls over guys. Ideally, if I could be part of those groups that go out with mixed girls/boys to dinners, clubs, bars, movies etc etc., that would be great! I just want a social life I guess, but not one thats always in groups of just males. (3)

    I am somewhat a feminine kinda guy, but not to that extent. I am feminine in the sense that, when it comes to a relationship, id like to get into a long term one and just stick with one girl (even though I know in reality thats not always possible lol) (4). I certainly wouldnt have fun engaging in conversations that about womens fashion or make up! I think the real reason for me saying "I want to open sets of girls and interact with them" is because I am just not good at communicating with women. I see guys who can talk on a friendly level with women very well. I would like to have that. Talking to girls, having girls invite me out to their events (be it movies, club etc) which would involve not JUST girls, but other guys too.

    Unfortunately my life is quite bland right now and I dont do enough to make friends through other means. All I got now is going out with PUA guys to clubs. One of them has similar goals to me, so thats good. The others are great, but we have different goals. (5)

    I hope I am making sense here lol. I guess the main points are:
    1. I want to be a person that people can talk to and socialize with (I want to be social) - especially with women because I think I am okay with guys
    2. I want to have more friends, which arnt JUST guys but also many girls.
    3. I would like to go out to events with these friends and have fun with them and also just meet other people through them. Girls or guys, doesnt matter. Just hopefully not TOO many guys and hardly any girls
    4. I would like to also increase my skills in interacting with girls, so when I come across a girl that is right for me, I can get her attention!

    Yes...so I want a really good social life! lol
    1. There's plenty of infomation on here to get you past those issues.

    2. The pickup scene, like most guys idea of going out, is inpursuit of getting laid. For most of the men I know, they go out to get laid and end up finding a woman they want to continue the relationship with. Don't be fooled, though. Not many men can go out and get laid every week (from a different woman), as they would lead you to believe. However, even men who can't bed many women can get girlfriends.

    3. This is what I believed you were going for from reading the OP. Women will often bring male friends into your social group. Men often fantacize about being the guy who bringss all the women with him.

    I am very social with women. When I interact with them, other males often try to councel me on what I should have said. What they do't know is I am already friends with the women. That leads to more males wanting my friendship (becasue I am the guy who will bring women to your party).

    4. That's not feminine. That's just opposite the social trend right now. For most of history, that was mens' goal. We all want someone to love, some of us just want to have sex a little more. You know it's love when you want to have sex with another woman, but care more about how the woman you're with feels; to the point of losing interest in other women.

    5. That can still help you. My friends and I often go after the women the other just failed with. It can help with an opening.


    I have posted, a few times, about how most of my closest friends are female. Thus far, only Raven has had anissue with it.

    Let me see if I can come up with some previous posts.


    Whenever you approach a woman, she will presume you are there to hit on her (or her friend, if she is having a "fat" day).

    The ability to talk to women without an overt agenda (the sex one) is rare for men. Approach some women with the sole purpose of having a stranger improve their day. Do this a few times, and it will all get easier.

    Invite women found together, out together. If one man asks a group of women out, they get to guess which one of them he likes. They will usually vie for you.

    The way you approach them is easier if you aren't looking for sex. As The Red Baron said, you get to skip a bunch of steps (the hard ones, after actually approaching).

    You only have to present yourslef as not a bad person.

    In fact, you can approach with the premise you ned advice for your girlfriend's birthday, Christmas, whatever present....I did this when I had a girlfriend in high school. I would go to the mall and find an attractive woman her size. Then, I would convince her to accompany me for a while. She would pick out and model the clothes I was looking at buying my girlfriend.

    You can use this ruse to gain female friends. You can just ask for advice. If the girlfriend comes up, later, you two just broke up.

    One common theme with most of my female friends is: I have tried to sleep with them. Not always in the beginning. Sometimes, it isn't for over a year after meeting them, but the urge almost always comes up, eventually.

    Being friends with women can make things very complicated, but the benefits grossly outweigh the complications.

    I can approach a ten without thinking or caring. Why? Two things. I have hot friends and I know that hot chicks poop, too. The other reason is I have been with women just as hot.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  2. #12
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    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    I discuss a couple of my female friends here:
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-pick-up...oman-wing.html
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  3. #13
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    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    Great post nik. Interesting to see how hot this topic has become

    Female friends serve many purposes, not least of which it just helps you become a natural with interacting with women, and gives you better mixed groups to go out with
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  4. #14
    Raven is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    It doesn't make you feminine for wanting to have one good girl and stick it out with her, at all. You did seem quasi-feminine at first, but you've explained yourself well and I get where you're coming from.

    You keep reiterating that you have a very mediocre social life and that's what you want to breathe life in to. Oddly enough, focusing on being social and meeting people who just look like they're having fun usually gets you more girls than focusing on picking up girls. When it comes to Approach Anxiety, what I find cures it is simply always having something to say.

    There is this technique called "elderly opening." Old people will sometimes start conversations in a coffee shop or wherever over trivial matters. For example, they might ask about your phone - what kind it is, is it easy to use, etc. Then, they will drop bait. After showing an old guy some cool feature, he might say something like "I wish I had that during D-Day" which almost forces you to ask "you fought on D-Day?!" and then you wind up in a big, long conversation with the guy. Old people are good at starting conversations because they come on very innocently and they are easy to trust. Then they are good at keeping them going because they have lived on this planet many long years and have a lot of interesting conversational "bait" to drop.

    So, whether you're dealing with men or women, just use the elderly opener. You don't have to memorize anything special, you just need to pick something out and ask questions, then drop interesting bait. One they start biting your bait, the conversation goes further and you establish connections. I always have a 5-10 things I can drop bait about. For example, after I get into a convo with a girl about a novel she's reading at a Starbucks, I might say "yeah, I'm looking for something interesting to read after studying all those military manuals." Then she will ask something along the lines of "are you in the Army???" and it will snowball from there to the point where it's easy and natural to get her number.

    Hopefully that helps you out. The "elderly opener" is a key technique to not only meeting women (especially during the day in places like coffee shops or stores) but to simply meet people and expand your social circle.
    Women want to win a man over, they do not want a man who tries to win them over. When you overtly try to win a woman over by being "nice," buying her stuff, or telling her your feelings, you're assuming the female role, and depriving a woman of her natural role. Make her put you on her pedestal, don't put her on yours. - Raven Maxim #7

  5. #15
    pooa1 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    Guys thanks so much for the responses, I am actually feeling more positive about all this now.

    I know I just need to get out there and approach as much as I can. I really like the whole elderly opener and mentioning the word platonic! Thats awesome!! Also love the opinion opener. Actually I tried it a few times but I just never knew how to move into a conversation. I was usually stuck on that opinion.

    The ability to talk to women without an overt agenda (the sex one) is rare for men. Approach some women with the sole purpose of having a stranger improve their day. Do this a few times, and it will all get easier.
    To be honest I kinda do this. I mean when I started out doing day game, I would go do the whole "hey I think your cute..." opener but the truth is I had no sexual interest in them at all. I was really just doing that because it was a challenge and I wanted to break through the fear. Almost all girls I have approached I have not wanted a relationship with or even sex. But I think I still come across that way because I get nervous/anxious and then the whole creepy body language/voice comes out.

    The main problem I have is knowing what to say. But I know I gotta go and approach heaps to get out of my head, which is what creates those moments of silence.

    Haha I always felt like I was very feminine for wanting just one girl. Like honestly, I do have a sex drive I wont deny that, but I never focus on it. A while back I was given the chance of a casual relationship with a friends friend who was from overseas. She was willing to be sexual even though she was leaving in a few days. I wont deny it, I did think about it for a second, but I know deep down inside its not me. For me personally, that is just short term happiness, which will still make me feel depressed after (not giving me a deep satisfaction for life). I thought about it a lot, and what I really want is a social life and eventually a girl I can be with for a long term relationship. I like cuddling with a girl and just spending time talking, texting, hanging out etc. Thats why I feel feminine. Dont get me wrong on the cuddling thing though....I dont like to be held or kissed...rather I like to hold and kiss her. The only times where I see a girl as sexual is when there are those ones which wear mini skirts and show off their hot legs (im a legs man lol), but that thought only crosses my mind for a few seconds then i forget it. I go back to wanting the pretty/cute/gorgeous type girls. Hope all this makes sense....this is why i felt quite feminine. I also do feel I am more of an emotional guy.

    Thats the first time I have been quite open about myself LOL. Thanks again guys for all the help!

  6. #16
    Raven is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    You shouldn't feel feminine for any of that, especially not wanting short term pleasure at the cost of betraying your values, because staying true to your values and shunning your base desires is what a mature man would do. But, at the same time, try to withhold cuddling, long talks and more from women (giving in enough so that you fulfill her emotionally, but don't overdo it). You always want to leave them in the position of desiring something or having their needs just met, which keeps them chasing and desiring you. So in regards to cuddling, you might do it reluctantly even though deep down all guys do like to cuddle and love it when a girl snuggles into them (unless it's UFC night, the Super Bowl is on, etc). Put on that masculine outer shell. Women are always trying to fix people, so they like a hardened man because they want to try to soften them, so put up that harder, masculine front so she will try to soften you.

    You need to be seasoned more to get less emotional. The more you see,the more tragedy you experience and the more experience you have with women the more you'll grow somewhat bitter and jaded but also much, much wiser and more interesting. I think being and feeling masculine comes as a result of personal growth, and by undertaking traditionally masculine endeavors. Nothing makes you feel more manly than fighting someone in a ring, graduating bootcamp, fighting on a battlefield, grilling a steak out in the middle of the woods on a fishing trip and eating it with your hands, hunting, etc. Maybe you just need to do more of that kind of stuff to grow your confidence and unleash the inner beast, so to speak. By doing those kinds of things you also enlarge your social circle, which is why I advocate getting involved with things and joining teams to obtain a fuller social life than meeting random strangers are bars and clubs (although if you can meet people that way, it's cool too, some folks are good at it).
    Women want to win a man over, they do not want a man who tries to win them over. When you overtly try to win a woman over by being "nice," buying her stuff, or telling her your feelings, you're assuming the female role, and depriving a woman of her natural role. Make her put you on her pedestal, don't put her on yours. - Raven Maxim #7

  7. #17
    nik's Avatar
    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to make friends with girls - Need a social life

    Quote Originally Posted by The Red Baron View Post
    Great post nik. Interesting to see how hot this topic has become
    Thanks.

    Not heated. Just a discussion. Much can be learned.

    ("Message must be 80 characters")
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.


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