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  1. #1
    greengiant is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Think I got Worse, Need Help

    Ok Im new to this whole PUA stuff. My first problem was pretty much Approach Anxiety. Unless I was buzzed or with buddies at a house party, and had social momentum going, approaching felt awkard.. Either through my new job which has people approaching me constantly with questions or some of the stuff ive read, its quite a bit easier now.

    Anyway went to a loud club the other night, approached a few sets. One tried introducing myself to 2 girls and a guy, and basically they just walked away, felt so dlv. Other group of 3 girls I said something like "looks like the parties over here", "whats going on" and got a response "this is a girls night only thing", so I just left.

    The place was packed, so even when I was sitting at a table with buddies facing the crowd. Occasionally there would be a road block of people infront of us. Some girls would have to stand right infront of me, and if they looked over and smiled I would say something to them. Although with the music so loud, you have to yell in someones ear to talk, and saying "whats going on" or "hows your night going", "you here with friends" the convo lasts about 5 seconds, and is lame.

    So that kinda sucked hard. Also the reason I say I feel almost worse is, before I would never try and talk to people this much. I would usually only talk to a girl if we were all in a group at a party or something and I was talking to kind of everyone at once. I was always overly cocky/sarcastic/funny. And some girls would find that too much and some would like it. Although now that im trying to engage new people mostly 1 on 1. I have to be more personable and that whole I dont give a fuck method, doesnt work if I actually want to connect with someone that doesnt already know all my friends or me (stranger).

    Just a bit confused and discouraged. Ive mainly been looking at stuff from thesocialman, reading the game by neil strauss, and some daygame stuff. Although it all varies and it almost confuses me more, as I now remember various canned lines from different programs in different situations.

  2. #2
    widnapper is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Think I got Worse, Need Help

    just went through the same thing recently..
    too much thinking and a little bit validation seeking.keep tighter frame control and be more self validated.
    the I dont giv a fck method(dont give a fck..im having a good time) does work to open without needyness and validation seeking.. i dont think you used it last night or you wouldn't have given a sht about dlv or feeling worse based on a few approaches.
    girls will draw into your energy so if you use looks like the parties over here then be in party mode too.
    connection comes after opening and a bit of Push Pull attraction creating so put the feelings in your poket at the start or you go in with too much on the line...
    get momentum as early as possible before the club talk to anyone not think wave to random girls as you drive past before getting to the clubs etc etc .
    Last edited by widnapper; 01-21-2012 at 06:06 PM.

  3. #3
    The_Jester's Avatar
    The_Jester is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Think I got Worse, Need Help

    I wasn't there so I can't diagnose your specific errors.

    So I'll mention the following general tips:

    1. Yes, the idea of not caring what others think does work. Too many guys want to magically transform into a social butterfly when a woman walks by, but they never try to socialize with strangers just for the sake of talking. To get good, you need practice. Talk to people. Do it all the time. No matter who they are. Even if they have nothing that they can offer you.

    2. Next time it's hard to hear in a club, look at the girl like you can't hear her, put you hand next to your ear, and see if she'll lean in to repeat herself. Doing this closes the physical gap, and gets you two next to one another.

    3. Make this whole thing fun for yourself. There's a difference between applying textbook methods, and going out for the sake of having fun. Don't treat this like a boring college exam. You're meeting people. Have fun, because if it's not fun, you should be home alone to avoid bringing others down.

    4. You were right when you applied your own humor and sarcasm. That's a way of filtering through people who don't share your humor. You WANT people who laugh at the same stuff as you, right??

    5. Smile. Always smile.

    6. Crack jokes. Even Q & A jokes. Not constantly. One is fine. But loosen up and say something unexpected - you'll be surprised how many women respond.

    That's a start. Keep going out. Keep a log of your nights out. You don't have to share it with anyone - it can just be a file on your PC. But writing down every event out helps you remember your successes AND failures. DO NOT sugar-coat it. Be honest with yourself and you'll learn from each obstacle.

    Good luck!


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