Too many men put the cart in front of the horse by worrying about what they are going to say to try to Impress A Girl when in reality, they need to take a huge step back and focus on what they are bringing to a relationship.

That’s why when a guy tells me he wants to throw his hat in the dating ring or join the Pick Up Artist community, I usually tell him that the first thing he needs to focus on is himself.

This is sometimes the toughest thing for a guy to do. Most guys aren’t naturally intuitive or even self reflective, but they need to be in this case.

What I recommend is that a guy gathers the following materials and hunker down for the evening:

• A journal. Pick up something that feels like your personality. It could be a bound leather journal or a black and white composition book. I know it seems silly, but you might want to refer back to these notes, feelings, and thoughts at a later date and I believe that everything should be done in style. Take a little extra effort. You are so worth it.
• A pen or pencil that feels good in your hand. Something that you enjoy writing with. Believe me, there is a difference between a cheapo pen and a ball point roller and it’s up to you to decide which one you prefer.
• Something to drink. This could be an alcoholic beverage, but this is not the time to overindulge. Have something to drink to relax yourself and cut down any inhibitions.
• A snack. Could be potato chips or some caviar, whatever suits your style. Something that you consider a bit of a treat, though.
• Something comfortable to wear. Enough said.
• A comfy spot to write. This might be at your kitchen table, with your feet propped up on the coffee table while you sit on the couch, on your back stoop, lying in bed, or whatever feels good.


You might notice that part of the theme for this is self-love and self care. This is the first step to bolstering your self-confidence and self esteem. Notice how many times the word self appeared in that last sentence? It’s for a reason. This is all about you. You can’t truly experience love with someone else on the deepest level unless you love yourself first.

Spend the evening doing a bit of self-analysis. I want you to look at the following areas and write about them:
• What I love about my life.
• What I dislike about my life.
• What I want out of life.
• What are the three priorities in my life?
• What are the three top goals in my life?
• Are my priorities in line with my top three goals?
• What is holding me back from achieving my goals and my ideal life?
• What, if anything, can I do to change my life to better achieve my goals and my ideal life?


Start with those and go from there. For instance, you might be lonely. Your issue with stuttering might be holding you back from opening up and meeting others. So, what can you do about it? Take some speech lessons, join Toastmasters, and so on. You’re going to want to journal extensively about all the things you want, what’s holding you back and how to achieve your goals.