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The Princess Myth
Old 11-06-2009 10:38 AM
Bill
 

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Nearly every little girl grows up watching tales of young women being rescued and saved by Prince Charming. They leave their life behind and are swept off to the Prince’s castle where they live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, deep inside many women is this belief that the “perfect” man will come along, sweep them off their feet and hand them a brand new life.

There are several things wrong with this picture and here is what you, as a guy, can do to help overcome this princess myth.

The first problem is that women looking for perfection will never find it. Even if you match all their mental “criteria” eventually you are going to fall off that high horse, no matter what you do. This will happen no matter how hard you work to treat her like a princess.

The second problem is that she cannot live happily ever after if she completely abandons her life for yours. So many women do this, they are cruising along with their own careers, own friends, own hobbies, own activities and then they meet “the one.”

For some inexplicable reason, they abandon their entire lives for this man. And then six months later, they wonder why they are unhappy. This puts a lot of undue pressure on “prince charming” as well. He meets this self sufficient, happy, independent woman and all of a sudden, she becomes completely dependent on him for her happiness. Nobody can live up to his. Nobody.

So what can we as men do about this? It may seem counter intuitive, but the first thing you have to do is encourage her to live her own life still.

That means encourage her to still spend time with her friends. I suggest scheduling time where you still see your friends and she still sees her. If you are looking to figure out how to get your ex back, this is one of the key ingredients to a successful relationship. This may take a bit of prodding, so please be sure to explain to her your rationale.

Tell her that you want her to remain the social, happy person you fell in love with and so it is important for her to keep her own life and identity still. Tell her you don’t even need to meet all of her friends.

Tell her that it is OK if she has friends that you never meet (this is a secret tidbit of dating advice that most guys don't follow).

Encourage her also to keep her own hobbies and activities that are separate from you. You can reassure her of your love, saying you trust her and love her just the way she is and she doesn’t have to change for you. In fact, it is better if she doesn’t upend her life for you.

This may be a difficult task. I’m sure you will encounter resistance because you are going against everything she has believed since she was a little girl. However, if you are looking for a long-term relationship, this is necessary to make it work.

Don’t believe me? Think about it. You’ve seen it time and time again. Two people fall in love and the woman ditches her own life, stops seeing her friends, stops her hobbies and moves in with “the one” only to find she is bored within a few months.

The kicker? She will inevitably blame Prince Charming for this, who is blithely going about thinking everything is hunky dory. Put your foot down. Refuse to be Prince Charming. Instead, try modeling your relationship after two equal, but both powerful people, say Cleopatra and Julius Caesar.

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