Even old-timers need advice sometimes

I'm new here. Is this the right place to ask for help in my situation? I'm in my early 60's but young in looks and spirit. I'm enamored with a good looking former co-worker in her early 50's. I'm confident we'd be great together but before that can happen I first have to steal and seduce her. This isn't just about the pursuit. I'm looking for something stable and long-term and I know she is too.

We worked together for 3 years until she quit 10 weeks ago. We had a great rapport, but she wouldn't date me even though she showed interest, because she was conflicted by her on-again, off-again relationship. She sometimes called him her friend-boy because "He's a friend, and he's a boy, but he's not really my boyfriend." 5 weeks ago we had lunch at her suggestion. At the end, I asked her for a date and she said, "I'm not saying no, but . . ." then proceeded to tell me about how she's still kinda seeing him and she'd like to think it over. When we parted I didn't even try to kiss her. I've been divorced a couple years and haven't dated much so I was awkward and uncertain if I should. Now I'm beating myself up for that.

For the next 3 weeks I called and e-mailed a couple times and got no response. I wrote her a very nice letter in which I told her all the reasons why she should go out with me, and contrasted myself positively with the friend-boy. She e-mailed me expressing what I'm certain is genuine appreciation and said she's flattered, and I've got a lot to offer, and I'm the best friend anyone could ever ask for (AAARRRRGGGHH). But she said that she discussed me with friend-boy and now he wants to try harder to prove his love and she wants to focus on that relationship. I responded with "I understand" (which I don't), and "if anything changes . . ."

Do I have any power? Any options? I figure on e-mailing her occasionally letting her know what I've been up to and making my life sound fun and interesting. It generally is, compared to hers. And I'll also subtly let her know that I'm dating others, which I will be doing. Is that a good strategy? Anything else I can do? Did I mortally wound my chances by not kissing her?

A final question - I know that by my showing interest in other women it may help to get her more interested in me, but how can I keep that principle from working in reverse? You see the irony - it's my interest in her that inspired her friend-boy to try harder. How can I keep that from happening and having it gum up my plans in the future?
Thank you so much.

It seems to me like you have given up all of your power on this one..

You basically laid everything out for her...and she still said no..

You presented your case to her like you were in court admitting evidence.

BORING!

What woman wants to know everything about you and why she should be with you before you even begin dating? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

Women like Mystery, suspense!

You gave none of those...

I hate to say it,but I think your only strategy with this woman is to get her to see you dating other women...
Perhaps even younger than her or around same age...
To get some emotion out of her and get her to be intrigued by you..


Anyhint else will come off as desperate or pathetic..
And just waiting around for her to see what happens with this other guy is just as bad...

SEE OTHER WOMEN

Have her wonder what they all see and why they are having soo much fun with you,and how she missed out.

Shes already into the other guy.
You, offering too much too quick drover her back to him.
You seeing other women is NOT going to driver her to him. IDK why you think that would happen...

Thanks, MagnumMan
Those are good observations. Of course you're right, I effed up big time.
I want her to see me having fun without her, including dating others, especially now since I have reason to believe that she and her on-and-off friend-boy are off again already! (talk about effed up . . .)
But since we don't work together anymore and our circles of friends don't intersect it's hard to get that message out.
I've got a trip planned for late February. I thought of asking her to cat-sit, which she's done before. She could probably use the money. I could just send her a strictly-business e-mail. Maybe that would get a dialogue going in which I tell her about some things I've done with another woman. Any thoughts?
I could've worded the end of my original post more clearly. I wasn't saying that my seeing other women would drive HER to HIM. I was saying the reverse - that my interest in her is what drove HIM closer to HER and wondered if there's a way to pre-empt that from happening.
I can do what you suggested but damn, it's hard to be patient. Tom Petty was right - the waiting is the hardest part.

Hi ejb444,

I think from your last post that you might have missed the finality within MagnumMan's post. I personally get the feeling that you probably have no chance with this woman now. I suspect that she will avoid you because the situation is uncomfortable.

If I'm wrong, I apologise in advance.

Why not try dating some other women, for the purpose of dating other women, rather than trying to make her jealous? The purpose of having more than one option is so that you don't get hung up on one, and then ending up second guessing all the would haves and could haves, and basically driving yourself barmy.

Good luck.

Hey DamonNZ - thanks for the comments and insight and support.
I don't think it's to the point where I have no chance with this woman (but maybe that's just my oneitis speaking). But nevertheless I am pursuing other women. And I've got a couple of dates lined up - and it feels GREAT! It's helped me shake the blues and given my confidence a much-needed boost. So we'll see what happens . . .