Today I want to talk to you about the number one tool in your flirting arsenal; Role Plays.
Role plays are really good for flirting because role plays are pure emotional communication, which means they’re playful, They assume a relationship because you’re creating this fun fantasy role play relationship. They are familiar, they create an “us versus them dynamic”, they’re not too deep and you can nonverbally communicate why you do them. Which is basically everything you want in your flirting.
So role plays are awesome for flirting. Role plays, in fact, are one of the few things that Hollywood gets right when they are depicting scenes of flirting or scenes where a man meets a woman, or a woman meets man. For the most part they are crap but Sex in the City and various movies that I’ve seen have gotten the role play right. Hollywood gets that when you play around like this and you create this fun, fantasy scenarios you, are flirting.
I want to talk about two specific types of role plays today. The past and future adventurous projection, so we are going to start in the past, as we should, with what a past future projection is. So what a past projection is, and I personally think past projections are a little flirtier, they assume a little bit more of a relationship because you’re going to create this fun scenario that happened in the past between you and her. Usually with the two of you as a couple.
So my favorite one of these is the: I cheated on her with a Spanish milk maid, so I’ll go if it’s a group:
“You know girls, there’s something you don’t know, Sarah and I actually dated and I’m not too proud of this but I actually cheated on her, you know. It’s not my fault though because I did the math and statistically like this was my really only one chance to sleep with a Spanish milk maid, so I had to jump on that, but I do feel bad about it, you know, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”
At this point, one of two things is going to happen. The girl is going to play along and be like: yeah, I cheated on you with a pool boy; or something like that, that’s usually what they say though, or she will like mock-cry or something, and now you know she’s flirting. I like that one a lot because there’s just an instant reaction: either she’s going to flirt or she’s not.
Future adventurous projections I like to do, again, ones that assume relationships that are real. Like I don’t like to do the ones that are like:
“I’m going to put you on a spaceship and make you my space princess,”
“I’m going to put you in a devil suit and walk you down the street”
Because I guess like at a base, base level, psychologically something is happening there, maybe, but to me I’d much rather make it more realistic and something that we can kind of play into.
So I’d be like:
“ you know what, you’re going to be my girlfriend for the next five minutes, so we should create a whole relationship including breakup into five minutes, so we had better get started. How do we meet, and I’ll just go through this whole role playing, fun, tongue-in-cheek scenario and I don’t have a specific way it goes down, it depends on the situation. It could be in the bookstore, and I was making fun of you because you were reading Rush Limbaugh’s book. Or I was making fun of you because you were reading Spanish Vogue, didn’t really realize it was in Spanish because you were just looking at pictures; and we were on our first date to the mall, and then blah-blah-blah”
I hope by now you see the power of role-plays and also the value of keeping your role-plays a little more realistic in order to assume more of a relationship and move things forward.
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could log on to a dating site like Match.com and literally have your pick of which girl you wanted to hook up with? Well, if you’re anything like me then that sounds pretty freakin’ awesome…
But for most guys this is just a fantasy that never comes true.
The fact is that most guys who try online dating end up quitting pretty quick. They decide that it’s just too hard to meet girls online or they make up some kind of excuse for why online dating can’t work for them like You’ve got to be really good looking to get a date on there.. or Girls on dating sites want guys with money..
Well I’m calling B.S. On the excuses!
I know for a fact that many average looking, broke and even unemployed guys on sites like this TOP PUA Site are hooking up like rock-stars on all of the dating sites… Because meeting women online isn’t about looks, money, height, or any of those things.
But you already knew that, right?
Really, attracting women and getting dates online is pretty much the same as attracting them anywhere else. It’s just a matter of showing the ladies that you have the studly character traits that all straight women are biologically programmed to be attracted to…
Character traits like:
As you know, no woman wants to mess with a dude who is scared of her or who acts like he isn’t going to be able to deliver the ìgoodsî when the time comes… So it is VERY IMPORTANT when talking to a woman online that you never sweat her or act like she is doing you a favor by talking to you. Instead it’s up to you to play the man’s role and confidently lead your interaction forward.
A strong sense of self
A strong sense of self is one of the most attractive qualities that a guy can have. This is something that I don’t hear a lot of people talking about, but it is very important. Basically what this means is that you know who you are, good points, not so good points, and everything in between, and you are cool with it, you accept yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. One very effective way of expressing this online is to share quirky facts about yourself in your profile.
You never want to write really bad things about yourself. But sharing funny things that other people might be embarrassed about shows women that you are secure in who you are.
Being a funny guy doesn’t necessarily guarantee that a woman is going to be ìfeelin’ youî like that. But, if used correctly humor is a great way to make a woman feel comfortable with you and help you get her to let her guard down so that you can connect offline.
Teasing a woman online is by far the best way to get the ball rolling with some momentum, and it’s really easy to do…
Just grab the most interesting thing out of her profile and make a little joke out of it. For instance if she writes about how she waitresses in a divey-bar that you know of, then you could write about how you think that the place is too upscale for you and how you always feel so under-dressed whenever you go in there.
This type of easy banter shows her that you are confident, and she will assume that you must have experience talking to and dating other hot women.
Demonstrating these traits online might sound tricky, but it’s not. I teach guys how to do this stuff everyday so that they really do have their pick of women online…
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Wouldn’t life be so much easier if it were a romantic comedy script? Imagine if a screenwriter rewarded your perseverance with a happy ending that brought you and your dream girl together, to walk off into the sunset, hand-in-hand, with a baguette tucked under your other arm. (Aside: Why does every romantic comedy EVER have a scene where the male protagonist either buys, eats, or carries a baguette?!)
In movies, positive traits are usually rewarded (at least in the end). In life, however, there’s no guarantee that your “good character” will win you any favors, respect, or—most of all—a beautiful woman. I’ve had more than one coaching client who bemoaned the rules of “the game,” which punished him for possessing the good qualities that took a lifetime to develop.
Painfully distressing indeed, it’s very likely that many of your otherwise “good” traits are the exact “sticking points” that keep you from dating the girls you want. As such, here’s a short list of character traits that won’t win you any girlfriends.
1. Being Smart
Most guys can’t grasp the difference between academic and emotional intelligence. You may have been valedictorian of your class, but that doesn’t mean shit when you’re interacting with women. In fact, academic intelligence often sabotages emotional intelligence because it makes men too analytical and “in their head.” Interacting with women isn’t a fucking spelling bee. So stop worrying about being “correct” and start honing in on the emotional vibe.
2. Having Pride
Pride is a funny thing. Many guys discover dating advice because they take such pride in themselves that they don’t want to struggle with women any longer. Yet, that same pride then destroys their ability to implement the advice because they get so caught up in trying to be perfect. There are guys who only study dating advice—never approaching so much as a single girl—because their pride is so immense, they can’t imagine enduring a single moment of dented pride. Reality check: meeting women doesn’t have to be perfect—in fact, it shouldn’t be. Likewise, don’t let your pride ruin your dating life.
3. Acting Nice
No surprise here, but it has to be mentioned. As boys, we’re told being nice is of monumental importance. Then, later, when we become men, acting nice is the fastest way to ruin our chances with any girl we like. Literally, acting too nice is the kiss of death for attraction. Save the niceness for your grandma; when you’re looking to improve your dating success, you’re not doing anyone a favor by being too nice.
4. Remembering Stuff
Remembering “small details” about a woman sounds sexy, doesn’t it? Well it’s not. If you and a woman have a brief conversation, and you can recall every little detail from that conversation weeks later, she will not find this impressive. She will find it weird and desperate. Please note: remembering details when you’re in a relationship is helpful and sexy; however, with girls that you’re “seeing” or casually dating, remembering lots of details isn’t helpful. It’s creepy.
5. Showing generosity
Generosity goes hand-in-hand with acting nice. Showing too much generosity works against you because it seems like you’re trying too hard. This is not to say you should be cheap. You can splurge on the occasional round of drinks or even pick up the check at dinner. You should not, however, be overly generous—especially when there’s no need. She’s perfectly capable of paying for her own transportation and she doesn’t need any gifts (again, you can make an exception for a long-term girlfriend). If you want to be generous, be generous with your friends and family. (At least they’ll appreciate it!)
Well, there you have it. I hate being the bearer of bad news, but these positive traits will only work against you in the game of dating. Take it from someone who’s had his dreams crushed displaying all of these traits at one point or another. Don’t make the same mistakes: it may have taken you a lot of time and effort to cultivate these traits, but they’re of no use to you when you’re dealing with women. Disregard them.
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