I just got this great article from my friend Mark Manson (Entropy PUA):
“Hey honey, can I pee in your butt?”
I stood there horrified as my friend shouted this at literally every attractive girl who came within five feet of us. It was early in 2006, I had just discovered all of the exciting secrets that PUA had to offer and had just started going out to apply it.
As another aspect of my education, I decided to start hanging out with a couple guys who got laid more than anyone else I knew. The idea was that I’d go out with them, study what they said to women in their interactions and then emulate it.
Enter my friend Matt and “Can I pee in your butt?” Matt was a guy I briefly met once through a friend, but his reputation was widely known. He was in a rock band, had tattoos down his arms, and banged girls like it was his job. I had run into him by chance a week or two earlier and this was my first time hanging out with him for a whole night.
It’s human nature to become dogmatic in our beliefs. There are right and wrong things to eat, right and wrong ways to drive, right and wrong jobs to have and right and wrong things to say. We’re programmed to think in these terms for no other reason than that it’s simpler and requires for less effort than dealing with the spectra, grey-areas and nuances of every tiny behavior.
This applies to picking up girls as much as anything else. In fact, when most of us get into this, our first inclination is to hunt down the “right” things to say and do, and avoid the “wrong” things that we’ve been doing all of our lives. Products are sold to us as the “correct” ways to behave to attract women. Success is defined as a very black/white concept, when it’s not at all. It’s entirely subjective.
Reality is fuzzy. And realizing that it’s fuzzy is not always a pleasant experience.
As you can imagine, every girl ran away in horror at the “Can I pee in your butt?” comment. Matt was drunk and I was seriously questioning what the hell I was even doing out with him.
But then something funny happened. A couple girls laughed. And then suddenly another girl actually hung around and kept talking to us.
Needless to say, back in 2006, there wasn’t anything written in PUA manuals about how to transition out of a “Can I pee in your butt?” opener. So I stood there awkward and confused waiting to see how my friend would recover. Next thing I know Matt is talking about how he’s going to lick her butthole… OK, fuck this, I’m getting a drink. I don’t want to be associated with this guy when he gets thrown out.
About ten minutes later, Matt finds me, and surprisingly he’s got his arm around the girl he had been talking to.
“Hey man, we’re heading back to her place, it was great hanging out, we should do it again some time.”
To this day, this was one of the most pivotal nights of my entire journey and development. Was it that I learned that “Can I pee in your butt?” is the right thing to say? No, it’s that I learned that it’s not necessarily always wrong.
And by proxy, that means that most of what I had supposed were right things to say may not always be right — including pick up advice and material. A problem that I run into with guys constantly is that when things go wrong, they immediately assume that it’s due to their poor execution, when in fact, perhaps the advice they received may have been bad advice, given their situation or for that particular girl.
There’s no right or wrong; just better or worse. And how you navigate that better/worse is what “having game” actually is: understanding when teases or aggressive escalation is appropriate and when it’s not; knowing when to relate and connect with her and when not to.
When it comes to meeting, attracting and seducing women, very few skills matter more than flirting. In fact most of the techniques taught by various PUA and dating gurus are just ways to flirt competently.
So what does it mean to flirt?
My definition of flirting is the act of playfully making a romantic or sexual overture or assumption when talking to a woman you’re attracted to.
I know that’s a mouthful, so let’s break it down piece by piece.
The first thing to learn, is that flirting is PLAYFUL. You can’t flirt when you’re being overly serious. You want to learn to think of flirting as playing a fun game. That way, you won’t take yourself, or any girl’s reactions too seriously.
Now the second part of my definition of flirting, involves making a romantic or sexual overture towards a woman you’re attracted to. That means you’re going to need to let the woman know you’re interested in her.
This is where most guys screw up royally!
The first mistake guys make here, happens when guys learn how to be playful, but they NEVER let the girl know they’re hitting on her. If you want to hook up with a girl, you’re going to have to let her know you’re attracted to her at some point. A lot of guys never do this, and instead end up in the dreaded and inescapable “friend zone.”
The second mistake guys make when it comes to flirting is that they convey their interest in the girl in the WRONG way.
Either they get really needy, and tell the girl how much they like her and want her to be their girlfriend before they’ve even kissed.
Or they express their SEXUAL interest too early. They think that as soon as the girl is somewhat interested in them it’s time to start trying to get sexual.
They don’t understand that women get aroused more slowly than men do, and they need a little more prep time, before they’re ready to get sexual.
So how does one flirt effectively?
My favorite way to flirt is to use what I call a statement of intent. Statements of intent involve letting the girl know playfully what you to expect from you down the line.
For example one of my favorite ways to flirt is to say something like:
“You’re really cute, you better stop laughing at my jokes or I will totally start hitting on you.”
This lets the girl know playfully that if we keep talking and she keeps laughing I’m going to assume she’s interested and try to escalate the interaction. If a girl laughs here or doesn’t say anything she is agreeing and passively giving me permission to move the conversation forward towards either setting up a date or trying to get her home with me that night.
Hopefully this article has clarified the idea of flirting for you.
Just got done with this interview of with the World's Top PUA, Jon Sinn where we discuss his new program, The Seduction Road Map.
Jon has helped thousands of guys get the success they deserve with women and dating. I really enjoy talking to him as you will see...
My thoughts:
"Jon Sinn has created a completely brilliant Seduction Roadmap that guys of any skill can apply and start using immediately that will dramatically improve their game. Having access to his Seduction Roadmap program is like having direct access to the mind, thoughts and beliefs of one of the worlds top seduction masters. This is the new holy grail of seduction."
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