What's your take on my situation?

Hey guys!

So I'm new to this forum and was referred to it by Bill Preston. I've been talking to him via facebook about a problem that I have and he advised me to share it on the forum, because: more people = more solutions

Let me inform you, that these were fb's private messages over few days so you might think i'm jumping from topic to topic, depends on how i feel and what i think at that time
ok, so here's the story:

You see, on the New Year after midnight me and my friends went to a club. There I've met a cute girl whom I've danced and made out with... Now I'd like to know from your experiences, how much is there a possibility that I see her again.

Well, let me explain first how it all went. So at first I saw her at the dance floor and I've decided to grab her hand and start dancing with her.

At first there was just some easy dancing, after a while, when I thought she's comfortable enough with me, we started dancing closer. So after around 30 min I've decided to go for a kiss (about which I was really nervous, but I've said the hell with it ).

Then a heavy make out started. Afterwards she went to look for a friend and I went with her to help her find her.

After she found it, I've introduced myself to them and we had a little chat. I think I made a good impression on them.

Afterwards we went back to the dance floor and cause the music was a bit lighter, we were able to talk a bit, so I tried to built a connection share interests, qualify her.

Cause she was into me, that wasn't a problem, I'm just not sure if it was thorough enough...

I took her facebook name profile, cause I don't like take phone numbers and I've said I'll add her.

So then we kissed some more and danced, and then after her friends came to pick her up, cause they went home, we've kissed goodbye.


Ok, so I hope I've given you a good description on how the night went. If you need further details, just ask.

What I'd like you to tell me, from your experience, if there's a chance I'd be able to get her on a date with me. She hasn't accepted the fb friend add yet..

And I'm asking this because I've heard and read that if you want to get a nice girl for a relationship, that you'll meet them somewhere else in clubs and not there...

And because I think she's really cool and all, I didn't just want to be a one night thing.


ok, so she accepted the friends request the next day....

then, the following day, i've decided to send her a pm... i wrote a brief message. But i didn't mention the night in the club at all... i greeted her, mentioned some callback humor, just to see if she'll reply...

if she will, i can consider this, that she doesn't feel remorse, right?

btw, do girls still have remorse if they (make out...etc) sober or is the remorse just a bit lower? she says that she never drinks, so perhaps that could be a plus...


on Saturday she replied on the pm. Was nothing special... But the interesting thing is, that she initiated the conversation on the fb chat application and I must say we had a nice conversation.

I've learned something about her, she about me, we had some joking etc.

Well, on Sunday, the situation was a bit different. It was I who clicked her for the chat. We talked almost an hour, which was good I think, but there is just one thing... I think she was in a bad mood... at least she had it written so on the status - first something about having a bad day and then, it seems that she wrote: "i want to talk to you, but you're not there" - but I think it's just a quote (I hope. Am I being paranoid here? If I am, I need a good cool-down slap :P)

Hey, is it a bad thing, that both times, she ended the conversation and not me?

And, if I should have asked her to meet with me immediately in the first chat that we had, cause I haven't yet... :/

You know, the thing that bothers me is that I don't know how to continue, considering that we already had physical contact, when we meet. Should I hug her, give her a kiss on the cheek...?

Ok, so this was on the coarse over the weekend.

Then Monday came:
whole day i was nervous and anxious to talk to her, the night finally came and she came online. First I've waited 10 min if she'd initiate the convo, but she didn't, so I've started it.

She immediately replied so we started chatting. At first the chat didn't go well, but then (I can't really remember how) we started to chat about some deeper stuff. I've shared my story and she shared hers and I was happy that we shared this, cause it felt like we've connected. In the conversation, I said: "you seem quite happy today," and she replied "yes", because she's seeing a friend on Tuesday (a male friend) who she hasn't spoken quite some time... So I think that that quote (i wanna talk to you, but you're not there) must have referred to him. And yes, I felt jealous. And then, she again finished the conversation after an hour of chatting... And I wasn't able to ask her out. It was because I waited for perfect timing...

Then Tuesday came (yesterday) and I was really unhappy about the whole situation. We didn't chat because I went to a friends party...

I'm thinking, that the situation between me and her is going downwards.... it's been almost a week since we've met and I still haven't been able to ask her out and I'm afraid she has lost interest. Or maybe it's just me who's paranoid. Today is Wednesday and since she's usually online after 8pm I again won't be able to chat with her, cause I have salsa lessons at 8.30.

And I won't be able to ask her out (for a drink) for the next day and again, another day is lost. Because i commute to school we can't see each other on weekends so I'd have to wait for at least till Sunday to ask her out. And I have a feeling that now a week will pass and nothing changed yet, that the situation is lost... is it?

Do you guys think, that it would be ok if i'd sent her a private message for asking her out? Cause I don't think so. It would be much better to do that in person....

I'd really appreciate your comments and thoughts!

Well my friend, it doesn't sound to me like she would be losing interest yet. She isn't gonna want to keep talking online forever if you guys had such a good time together at the club. The fact that you haven't asked her out yet is okay...it makes you seem busy, and like so many have said "busy is attractive". I would say that next time you talk to her you should try to establish a meeting. Keep it simple and meet her for lunch or something. Greet her with a hug so that she won't feel uncomfortable. Stop doubting yourself and make a move. Be confident in every conversation with her...you are the prize here not her. Remember that.

If she chats with you for an hour, then there is something about you that she must like. A girl just being nice won't do that, the most you'll get from her are sileys and one-word answers and lag. But she still could be hung up on some other guy.

And am not sure if it's really going to help but I hope next time you ask for a girl's number asap. If the FB thing works for you, sure, by all means continue. But you've had several chats with her already, you should have gotten her number by now. Waiting for someone to go online is desperate and creepy (unless you're a bf and it's a long distance love affair) and limits your options.

Oh, feel free to ask her out when you do catch her online. But also try dating someone else in the interim.

thanks for your replies.



Well, I haven't asked for her number yet, because I wanted to ask her out first and then if she'd agreed to go out, then I'd ask for the number too.

Or would it be better to ask for # immediately? Also, why?

Also, how far in advance is it good to make plans for meeting? 1, 2 days tops? I think that more than 2 days is too long...

Get her number a propose the meeting at the same time. Like the other's said, make the meeting simple and not too thought out and definitely only mention something in the next two or three days. You can get both the number and the date by saying something like, "I'm going bowling sometime Thursday night. What's your number so I can invite you when I know the time?"

I say ask for her number to arrange a meeting with her. Just a casual hang out to have a good conversation with her.

I think she is definitely still interested but you are probably running out of time. The next time she is on, like everyone else said try to invite her to something casual and get her number at the same time. Even open with it - "Hey my friends and i are doing this, you should join me" "I have been thinking of trying this place, join me for lunch" Something of that sort whatever happens to work for you...

You asked if it was bad that she kept ending the conversations. Probably. Like it was said a few posts up, however, shes not gonna talk to you for that long if she isnt interested. Next time end it yourself on a high note. You dont want her to think that you have nothing else to do or that she is already more important.

As far as the next meeting - Walk right up to her confidently and give her a hug, even a kiss on the cheek is cool. After your night together not hugging her would probably be more awkward.

Plus, you could already be gaming her through text or calls if you had known her number already instead of just waiting for her to show up online.

true true.

So what's the easiest was to ask her for her number even if not yet asking her out?

well, if I think about it. I don't think that i really need "excuse" to ask her for her number.... If she likes me, then she won't have problem give it to me, right?

Guns and InTheMaking have provided sample lines you can use, man. Depending on the situation, you can probably just even say, "Hey girl, give me your number so we can hang out again."

__________________
~ I shall not be denied

hey guys!

since you've all been so helpful, I think it only fair to give you an update with my situation:

So on Thursday we had a chat on fb. The first 30 min it was just normal chat, some joking, after that I've decided to go for the number, because wanted to see, if there could be something more. I didn't want to ask for the meeting cause I don't want to arrange any meetings with a girl that is more than 2 days away.

So I've said: "Hey, would you give me your number, so I could talk to you besides online?" (a ruff translation from my language, but still pretty accurate)...

Then the silence comes.. she says: "hmmm..."... Two minutes passed and still no response. I've asked if she's still there, she said: "I am, just a sec, brb." Two minutes later she says: "I don't know whether to give you my number, I'm so confused, if I tell you sincerely..."

Then I've decided to be also opened about it and tell her what I think: "Well, you seem like a fun person and I'd like to know you better, and I don't want to stay just at fb chatting."

I said: "You can tell me, I'm a big boy, I can handle it", she replies: "I really don't know, omg I'm sorry I'm making such a big deal out of it, I know I'm rude. You do seem like a fun guy to talk to, but I'm totally confused right now."

Then she says that she's in a situation in her life where she doesn't know where she belongs, sometimes she wishes, that she wouldn't exist and so on (you gotta consider that she's emo - as the subculture, and I don't mean that in an negative way).

And then she said, that the last thing that she wants is to hurt anyones feelings.

Then I've realized that persisting for the number would make me a douche bag so I've just said: "OK, then lets leave it as it is, we can still stay in touch", and she agreed.

So that's what happened. After that I had to end the conversation, because I was getting late for job (and not because it made me feel uncomfortable to continue to talk to her).

To tell the truth, I was and still am disappointed on how it worked out, but on the other hand I'm glad that I know where I'm at with this girl.

And also, the type of the girl that I'm looking is that she doesn't have such drama in her life,that she has her sh** together.

I don't know about you guys, but I still appreciate her honesty about the whole situation.

What do you think?

If you like the drama, still connect with her from time to time without pushing.

I will say this too. Us girls sometimes like complicating things, like being pursued. In a way, it weeds out the guys who are just after us because it just so happened that we're a girl and shows the guys who are after us because they truly like us. Of course, that isn't a guarantee but that's that.

If you're just picking up girls anyway, it shouldn't matter. You can still have fun with others and she could relax where you're concerned.

Well, I don't like to pursue a girl, if she doesn't show that she likes me too and she wants to see that I'm really interested.

I don't mind that sometimes, to get something good in your life, would take some time to acquire.

But if this isn't the case, I won't be persistent, because I'd feel embarrassed and used that I let myself being led by a girl who just likes attention.

As I was reading your post about this girl, she is quite a "mind-boggling" thing. I mean, she turn things around and can't decide whether to give you her number or not. Or she may be gaming you too. It's quite a dilemma though if she likes you or some sort of an attraction happened between the two of you, she has no reason why to complicate things up. I also think she is confused at the moment whether to go out with you or not. One question, is there another guy who's sarging on her besides you?

You shouldn't have been so easy on her. When she all started getting dramatic you should have said, "Well it's been fun chatting with you, but this relationship isn't going anywhere. You can pm me when you decide to get serious"

well, it seems she liked me when we first met, but after that, it's beyond me to know what she's doing/thinking/feels.

about another guy, I don't know really. Well the only thing I know, it's that one day I saw her having written on facebook status: "I wanna talk to you, but you're not here :='(" and one day, when I talked to her, I mentioned that she seems in a good mood today, and she replied that it's because she'll meet with a friend of hers who she hadn't seen for a long time.

perhaps he could be one of them, I dunno.



well, I wouldn't say that this relationship isn't going anywhere, cause there was no relationship yet. Or perhaps you understand the term relationship differently than me.

When she started rambling on about "not giving out her number", if I were in your shoes id have said something in the lines of "We have allready exhanged saliva, why not numbers ?" or something like that. If she isnt giving you back the attraction that you want, go find someone else that will.

There are two problems, but they are both somewhat the same.

You need to be dating, talking to and meeting other women.

You would be much more 'attractive' if you were busy and didn't have time to chat with her online, or worry about what she is doing or what her status is.

Bill

to answer your first statement: I'm not sure how appropriate that line would be. It sound arrogant. Hopefully I'm wrong, but if i was a woman, I'd understood this line like: "So, the only thing you want from me is making out and getting physical..." do you understand what I mean?.

For the other statement: yes, I gotta find some1 who will return the attraction

Yes, I agree that I wouldn't put so much weight on just this girl if I had more options and I do realize that this is one of the main problems that I'm facing right now.

But at this point in my life, this still isn't the case, I'm still not able to meet 2-3 new woman on weekly basis with potential of having something more....

If you're focusing on this one girl, the tendency is that you will end up in frustration by not even getting her number. I find her very complicated. You're making a move to get near her, but she is trying to keep herself away from you. And if you tend to lie-low from her, she seem to get near to you. What really is her take on you? I don't see any rejection from her. For me, she doesn't have a stand on you.