What's your take on my situation?

Hey guys!

So I'm new to this forum and was referred to it by Bill Preston. I've been talking to him via facebook about a problem that I have and he advised me to share it on the forum, because: more people = more solutions

Let me inform you, that these were fb's private messages over few days so you might think i'm jumping from topic to topic, depends on how i feel and what i think at that time
ok, so here's the story:

You see, on the New Year after midnight me and my friends went to a club. There I've met a cute girl whom I've danced and made out with... Now I'd like to know from your experiences, how much is there a possibility that I see her again.

Well, let me explain first how it all went. So at first I saw her at the dance floor and I've decided to grab her hand and start dancing with her.

At first there was just some easy dancing, after a while, when I thought she's comfortable enough with me, we started dancing closer. So after around 30 min I've decided to go for a kiss (about which I was really nervous, but I've said the hell with it ).

Then a heavy make out started. Afterwards she went to look for a friend and I went with her to help her find her.

After she found it, I've introduced myself to them and we had a little chat. I think I made a good impression on them.

Afterwards we went back to the dance floor and cause the music was a bit lighter, we were able to talk a bit, so I tried to built a connection share interests, qualify her.

Cause she was into me, that wasn't a problem, I'm just not sure if it was thorough enough...

I took her facebook name profile, cause I don't like take phone numbers and I've said I'll add her.

So then we kissed some more and danced, and then after her friends came to pick her up, cause they went home, we've kissed goodbye.


Ok, so I hope I've given you a good description on how the night went. If you need further details, just ask.

What I'd like you to tell me, from your experience, if there's a chance I'd be able to get her on a date with me. She hasn't accepted the fb friend add yet..

And I'm asking this because I've heard and read that if you want to get a nice girl for a relationship, that you'll meet them somewhere else in clubs and not there...

And because I think she's really cool and all, I didn't just want to be a one night thing.


ok, so she accepted the friends request the next day....

then, the following day, i've decided to send her a pm... i wrote a brief message. But i didn't mention the night in the club at all... i greeted her, mentioned some callback humor, just to see if she'll reply...

if she will, i can consider this, that she doesn't feel remorse, right?

btw, do girls still have remorse if they (make out...etc) sober or is the remorse just a bit lower? she says that she never drinks, so perhaps that could be a plus...


on Saturday she replied on the pm. Was nothing special... But the interesting thing is, that she initiated the conversation on the fb chat application and I must say we had a nice conversation.

I've learned something about her, she about me, we had some joking etc.

Well, on Sunday, the situation was a bit different. It was I who clicked her for the chat. We talked almost an hour, which was good I think, but there is just one thing... I think she was in a bad mood... at least she had it written so on the status - first something about having a bad day and then, it seems that she wrote: "i want to talk to you, but you're not there" - but I think it's just a quote (I hope. Am I being paranoid here? If I am, I need a good cool-down slap :P)

Hey, is it a bad thing, that both times, she ended the conversation and not me?

And, if I should have asked her to meet with me immediately in the first chat that we had, cause I haven't yet... :/

You know, the thing that bothers me is that I don't know how to continue, considering that we already had physical contact, when we meet. Should I hug her, give her a kiss on the cheek...?

Ok, so this was on the coarse over the weekend.

Then Monday came:
whole day i was nervous and anxious to talk to her, the night finally came and she came online. First I've waited 10 min if she'd initiate the convo, but she didn't, so I've started it.

She immediately replied so we started chatting. At first the chat didn't go well, but then (I can't really remember how) we started to chat about some deeper stuff. I've shared my story and she shared hers and I was happy that we shared this, cause it felt like we've connected. In the conversation, I said: "you seem quite happy today," and she replied "yes", because she's seeing a friend on Tuesday (a male friend) who she hasn't spoken quite some time... So I think that that quote (i wanna talk to you, but you're not there) must have referred to him. And yes, I felt jealous. And then, she again finished the conversation after an hour of chatting... And I wasn't able to ask her out. It was because I waited for perfect timing...

Then Tuesday came (yesterday) and I was really unhappy about the whole situation. We didn't chat because I went to a friends party...

I'm thinking, that the situation between me and her is going downwards.... it's been almost a week since we've met and I still haven't been able to ask her out and I'm afraid she has lost interest. Or maybe it's just me who's paranoid. Today is Wednesday and since she's usually online after 8pm I again won't be able to chat with her, cause I have salsa lessons at 8.30.

And I won't be able to ask her out (for a drink) for the next day and again, another day is lost. Because i commute to school we can't see each other on weekends so I'd have to wait for at least till Sunday to ask her out. And I have a feeling that now a week will pass and nothing changed yet, that the situation is lost... is it?

Do you guys think, that it would be ok if i'd sent her a private message for asking her out? Cause I don't think so. It would be much better to do that in person....

I'd really appreciate your comments and thoughts!

Well my friend, it doesn't sound to me like she would be losing interest yet. She isn't gonna want to keep talking online forever if you guys had such a good time together at the club. The fact that you haven't asked her out yet is okay...it makes you seem busy, and like so many have said "busy is attractive". I would say that next time you talk to her you should try to establish a meeting. Keep it simple and meet her for lunch or something. Greet her with a hug so that she won't feel uncomfortable. Stop doubting yourself and make a move. Be confident in every conversation with her...you are the prize here not her. Remember that.

If she chats with you for an hour, then there is something about you that she must like. A girl just being nice won't do that, the most you'll get from her are sileys and one-word answers and lag. But she still could be hung up on some other guy.

And am not sure if it's really going to help but I hope next time you ask for a girl's number asap. If the FB thing works for you, sure, by all means continue. But you've had several chats with her already, you should have gotten her number by now. Waiting for someone to go online is desperate and creepy (unless you're a bf and it's a long distance love affair) and limits your options.

Oh, feel free to ask her out when you do catch her online. But also try dating someone else in the interim.

thanks for your replies.

Well, I haven't asked for her number yet, because I wanted to ask her out first and then if she'd agreed to go out, then I'd ask for the number too.

Or would it be better to ask for # immediately? Also, why?

Also, how far in advance is it good to make plans for meeting? 1, 2 days tops? I think that more than 2 days is too long...

Get her number a propose the meeting at the same time. Like the other's said, make the meeting simple and not too thought out and definitely only mention something in the next two or three days. You can get both the number and the date by saying something like, "I'm going bowling sometime Thursday night. What's your number so I can invite you when I know the time?"

I say ask for her number to arrange a meeting with her. Just a casual hang out to have a good conversation with her.

I think she is definitely still interested but you are probably running out of time. The next time she is on, like everyone else said try to invite her to something casual and get her number at the same time. Even open with it - "Hey my friends and i are doing this, you should join me" "I have been thinking of trying this place, join me for lunch" Something of that sort whatever happens to work for you...

You asked if it was bad that she kept ending the conversations. Probably. Like it was said a few posts up, however, shes not gonna talk to you for that long if she isnt interested. Next time end it yourself on a high note. You dont want her to think that you have nothing else to do or that she is already more important.

As far as the next meeting - Walk right up to her confidently and give her a hug, even a kiss on the cheek is cool. After your night together not hugging her would probably be more awkward.

Plus, you could already be gaming her through text or calls if you had known her number already instead of just waiting for her to show up online.

true true.

So what's the easiest was to ask her for her number even if not yet asking her out?

well, if I think about it. I don't think that i really need "excuse" to ask her for her number.... If she likes me, then she won't have problem give it to me, right?

Guns and InTheMaking have provided sample lines you can use, man. Depending on the situation, you can probably just even say, "Hey girl, give me your number so we can hang out again."