Guide : How To Be Charismatic

How To Be Charismatic
I read a book called Win The Crowd By Steve Cohen, and one of it's most interesting and useful chapters i've read so far, and still live by it until today, is it's chapter on how to be charismatic - to be the center of attention, the life of the party, the leader in the group.


1) Be Enthusiastic
I cannot emphasize the importance of the difference between being enthusiastic and being a hyperactive teddy bear (shrugs). There’s a thin line there, really thin line -nods. When you’re enthusiastic, you are immediately perceived as the life of the group, attracting the attention of people and being seen as fun, outgoing and exciting – all the attractive qualities that guys & girls look out for in their partners. Do note, you don't want to cross over to being labeled as hyperactive, or over-enthusiastic. Show that you're game for whatever the world may throw at you, whether it is to participate in a group activity to doing jumping jacks in front of a huge television showcasing the world cup finals.


2) Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin
It is crucial that you seem comfortable in your own skin. As not seeming comfortable in your own skin would also lead to people seeing you as insecure - not the ideal characteristic of a charismatic man. Do not look down while walking around, instead, carry your head up high, not to the extent that your nose is up in the air, of course. This includes all other scenarios where your confidence or security in yourself would be tested.


3) Do Not Adopt A Follower’s Mentality
People follow for a very simple reason – they cannot / do not dare to lead, and from the structure of the world (as of today at least), there are always followers outnumbering leaders a million to one. Why? Because following doesn’t require any hard thinking. However, what all charismatic people have in common is not so much as leadership, but instead, independence. Leadership is simply a bonus. So the next time you find yourself at the end of the group, make an effort to walk in front, in the scenario that you’re leading the pack, don’t turn back too often to see if people are following you and don’t wait at every junction that requires you to make a decision to turn. Walk with enough confidence and everyone would follow you.

Research Proof
Here's an example of a research conducted to test the idea of the follower's mentality. A guy would choose to cross the street when the traffic light is not in favor of him, but there isn't any cars on the road (thus, jaywalking). There are two separate experiments, first, he would display some hesitancy by taking a step forward, one back, then follow through on jaywalking across the road. In the second scenario, he would just confidently, without any form of hesitancy and with his chest held high, to jaywalk across the road. In both experiments, there were researchers counting the number of people who decided to follow the man.

The results?
The man who walked across the road confidently, there were 7 times as many people who followed him compared to the guy who displayed hesitancy.

In conclusion, do not show any forms of hesitancy, if you want to be the leader of a group or anything of that matter, you have to show that you're confident in every move you make. Even if you're not confident, well, PRETEND. (:


4) Be Unconcerned About What Others Think Of You
People all too often are swayed by peer pressure, by worrying too much about what others think of them and thus altering their behaviour to suit society’s norms, a reason for the huge number of followers too. Well, to address such an issue, you have to overcome the mental barrier that society is always right and steer away from the Comfort of doing something everyone else is doing. When it comes to criticisms, take them in your stride and if they’re worth considering, then do, if they’re taunts and insults, simply shrug them off and show people you’re unconcerned and unaffected by their brainless taunting and you're too good a man to be affected by such things. In time, people will learn to respect and more importantly, admire, such a strong character.


5) Be An Object Of Their Desire
Basically, this means something along the lines of being perfect. This could be in the form of physique, studies, looks and perhaps even personality. Being an object or their desire would command you an immediate form of respect, as you have achieved something they couldn’t achieve, be it being able to eat as much as you want and not add to your waistline for girls or for guys, being able to successfully replicate the Ronaldo Rocket free kick. So, it’s important to strive to be perfect in every sense (yes, this is absolutely possible) so that you would be an object of desire to every person around you.

Yours sincerely,
Desmond Leong

any feedback? (:

Agreed on ALL points, very useful!

One thing I'd like to add. Someone said once "to be charismatic, you must leave people feeling better as a direct result of having come in contact with you". This includes feeling better about themselves, the place/situation they are in and just plain BETTER. Think about the guys & girls you know that, every time they see you are always telling you how great you look, or how something you did was awesome, or how they're so happy to see you, and they MEAN it.

I think it may have come from Dale Carnegie in "How to win friends and influence people". It's a MUST read for any human being out there interested in becoming better with people, and women especially.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... there's an inspirational quote that goes something like, "People don't remember what you said or what you did, they remember how you made them feel when they were with you."

Haha yup i heard of that somewhere before! It's all about the meeting, the encounters and how wonderful you make them feel at the end of the day. Some people just have it about them that everyone around them just has the "feel good" feeling, awesome stuff eh.

And alright! I'll check out the book ASAP and then blog about it

I particularly like the part where all you need to do is seem confident enough and people will follow. I've tried this out in many various scenarios with my friends, changing route directions while walking in front and by golly, they work

And that is why we should work on making a girl feel its an honor to be hanging out with us... and maybe having marathon sex with us. Hahaha.

Haha amen to that!

hey man I was reading your blog and i'm in the Dating Rule #1 : How To Be The Perfect Guy. I seem to have like everything but charisma, and verbally I lack a lot too. Like Expressig what i want verbally is one of my biggest problems. like talking my way into a woman's heart. Any suggestions?books or something..If i have to rate my charisma on a scale of 10 I would say i'm a 5 or six..depends on my mood.

Hey there, good to hear that from you.
Well, in fact there are many books on how to communicate efficiently. I've read one "How to talk to anyone, anywhere" and "How to deal with difficult conversations", something along those lines. They really helped me i have to admit.

Anyway, just to start you off, you should make use of the one greatest conversation lengthener - "Why?"
It works wonders in helping women open up to you, as it shows that you care what they think and how things work for them. (;

Even quiet guys who don't talk much can get into a girl's heart... or pants. It's not how much you say that counts. And maybe, your better bet is to get the girl qualifying for you so she's investing in you instead. I mean, sure, go improve on your sticking points, but also, you'd do better to use your strengths rather than your weaknesses in reeling a girl in.