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Unread 09-18-2011, 10:00 AM
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Default Girlfriend no longer interested in sex / has gone distant

Hey guys looking for some help on this one.

My girlfriend over the past few weeks has gone completely distant and cold on me. She has completely stopped trying to make plans to hang out or anything, its only been me. Whenever I message her she gives very short answers. She has completely stopped saying she loves me and being affectionate in any way. She has gotten incredibly busy (school + working 3 jobs) so we have little time for each other, but its not that that bugs me, its her attitude.

In my head I already know its over. I talked to her last night and she said she doesn't know whats changed, but she doesn't have any desire to sleep with me anymore. She doesnt seem like she wants to breakup, but she also doesn't see how I am happy right now (I'm not). I have a feeling this had to do with me getting laid off a month ago which kind got me really down and as such I started becoming more of a doormat to her and much more submissive. I've got a new job now (really high paying one) but I still am suffering in a bit of depression because of how things are going with my girlfriend. Ive been incredibly nice to her last week, surprising her at work with tea, buying us a cooking class lesson etc but all of this was met with uninterest from her.

I figure I have two options.

1.) End it with her as she clearly is taking me for granted, doesn't respect anymore and walk out with my head held high.

2.) Go completely distant and wait for her to come to me, stop being a doormat and putting up with this terrible behavior.

What would you guys do? I do really love this girl, we've been together a long time (almost 3 years) and ideally I would like things to work out between us, but I no longer know if that is possible.



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Unread 09-18-2011, 10:14 AM
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Default Re: Girlfriend no longer interested in sex / has gone distant

Love is such a tricky thing to deal with. The answers are never apparent and known. They aren't clear, and they don't always make sense.

From my experience, (multiple 2+ year relationships in my lifetime), the most important thing I learned is that if it's meant to be it would of worked itself out.

Love id just done gone sometimes. It may not be anything you two ever did or said wrong, it just might of faded.

My advice, and what I would do, is to move on. I know it isn't going to the easiest thing to do. It will be extremely hard. But there is underlying issues that led her to become the way she is. Unless she is willing to open up and talk, it's love done gone.
Distancing yourself at this point may just be another reason for her to push away as well. I think you two might just be in it for the comfort of being in a relationship. This i feel is a big part of why people stay together for so long when it's been over months before you even realized it was over.


 
Unread 09-27-2011, 11:20 AM
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Default Re: Girlfriend no longer interested in sex / has gone distant

Yeah all the classic symptoms that her interest level is in the toilet. My experience is, once it's gone it's GONE. Move on but learn from it and don't let her use you like that...get out there and get your game back.


 
Unread 10-09-2011, 11:11 PM
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Default Re: Girlfriend no longer interested in sex / has gone distant

she needs to be wowed bro,
shes bored, maybe because things have been really routine, or really busy, or stressful and she needs something to change, but she doesnt know what

are you living with her? I found that when I live with a girl (lived with 2) in both occasions I became bored very quickly with them, and I salvaged the last relationship I was in by making her get her own apartment and living on her own, and sex was way more exciting as we had more places to do it in.

if you feel like a doormat shes probably feeling like she can do anything she wants with the relationship, so make sure she knows she can't, and that your the boss,

if you think things are boring sexually, maybe give her a really intimate night that shes in the mood for, if your always givin it to her hard, give her a soft night, if your always soft switch it up. show her your relationship has some variety.

My first relationship failed because of lack of interest on her part, when she came back I put her through hell twice over making her feel bad and broke her heart accordingly and I never ever ever let myself get back into the situation where the girl isn't interested,
so if you do lose her, don't let it ever happen again,
if ya don't good job bro


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