Friday, March 30th, 2012

It's been a while since I've written a legitimate field report. Partially because I'm lazy, and partially because visiting my hometown isn't all that goddamn exciting. I've been in St. Louis for the past few weeks, and it's definitely not as fun of a place to pimp it up as Los Angeles is.

Highlights include closing my first celebrity (In St. Louis of all places? Wtf) and helping some friends make improvements in their game. My low point was finding myself slipping into my old ways of interacting with my friends (aka going back to qualifying and other retarded shit like that). Thankfully, I was able to call myself out on it and put an end to that bullshit.

It's really crazy how much influence your social circle can have on you if you are not consciously aware of it. Really makes you realize that you should always surround yourself with high quality people, people that help you push yourself out of your comfort zone in positive ways.

Anyways, that's the brief summary of my time in STL. Onward to the field report:

I'm planning on staying in tonight. I've got my computer, my Ben & Jerry's (Americone Dream), and Lana Del Rey on the stereo. My phone buzzes. It's my best-St.-Louis-Friend, Mike.

Mike: “Yo. One of Emma's (Mike's gf) friends is having a lock-in tonight. About 20 people or so.”

Sounds fun, but I don't get my hopes too high. I'm only 18 years old, but I find it difficult to relate to kids my age. We (especially the MALES in my age group) are extremely socially stunted, and I would much rather go on an adventure with a beautiful, interesting, 25-year-old, career woman than attended a wienie roast of awkward adolescents. But, Mike is my friend, and it's probably better to go out and socialize than sit on my couch getting fat.

Emma and Mike pick me up and we drive to the house. Or, should I say, mansion. It's this giant fucking place and, as if it wasn't already more than enough space for a god-damn tribe, there's a tour bus parked in the drive way. Maybe this will be fun after all.

I instantly start socializing with everyone. Most of the people I don't know, so I'm just saying hello, dicking around and having fun. Three of the girls here I've hooked up w/ before, back before I had any sort of real method to my game. Catching up with them is fun. It's amazing how different our worlds are now, it's almost difficult to relate.

I go outside to the back patio to smoke a cigarette. Two couples chat behind the steamy curtain of the hot tub: Mike and his girlfriend, and a pair that I've never met before. Let's call the BF of this couple Leonidas (he was identical to Gerard Butler, swear to god), and lets call his girlfriend Gorgo (fucking ugly name, but shit, I don't want to anger the historian-pua's with a glaring inaccuracy).

Gorgo is a fucking honey. I instantly start chatting them up. The guy is cool, and I win him over pretty quickly. The girl starts openly hitting on my in front of him. She's not even discrete. She's saying shit like “You're really fucking cute!” (thank you, lord Jesus, for girls w/ no ASD). At this point, he becomes somewhat defensive, and shows some pretty lame possession over her. I just ignore both her statements and his reactions to them. Mentally, I know I'm going to fuck this chick before I leave town. But I'll give her the benefit of discretion.

I finish my cigarette and go back into the finished basement. Moments later the Spartan Couple enters behind me. They stumble directly into the nearest bathroom where they lock the door and (I'm assuming) fuck for about an hour, while I go and enjoy the other accouterments (word choice?) of the party. Leonidas is smashed, but Gorgo is pretty damn sober. He eventually stumbles out of the bathroom and falls on his face, semi-nude. I take the opportunity to snatch her and number/kiss close her while he enjoys stroking the furry wall, as it were. Me and Gorgo shall be re-populating Thermopylae with superior genetics, if I do say so myself. Leonidas' kids can all get tossed into that massive black pit (Robin Baker would be proud). I bid them both farewell and they leave. He drives.

Oh, well. Time to pick another target.

My strictly plantonic friend (let's call her Sandburg) has a tendency to be the girl at any given party who is way too drunk. I run into Sandburg going up the stairs to the 1st floor. Naturally, she has a drink in her hand. She asks me to accompany her to her car to grab something. As we reach the top of the stairs, I see flashlights panning the backyard by the hot tub. Just to freak her out, I point and yell “Sandburg! Look out, cops!”. She starts cursing and muttering about how she needs to discard of her drink. I start laughing my ass off and tell her that I'm just fucking with her.

She curses me lightheartedly and we start walking towards the front door. We open it to reveal... drumroll please... a police car with it's brights pointed directly at the house. Looks like I was right after all.

Sandburg freaks out and spills her drink, and I let everyone know the cops are here. Luckily, the owners of the house built the entire neighborhood, and the cops don't give us much trouble.

As they leave, I see a girl with a fucking banging body walk in from the hot tub, still dripping and in her bikini. GAME TIME. I instantly sit her down and we start talking. She's holding a bucket of popcorn, and we start throwing it at each other, trying to see who can catch more in their mouth. About 5 minutes after I open her, I try to bounce/Isolate. First I'm like, “We're going to the hot tub!” and she's like “No, I just got out.” I pump her BT then throw out a hoop: “Are you adventurous?” She replies “Yes!” with enthusiasm. I say, “Before I go ahead and just take you at your word, what's the craziest thing you've done in the past month?”. She tells me something crazy/irrelevant which I have since forgotten. At this point I'm like “That's awesome, you are crazy. You have to come with me out onto the roof, we can climb out through a window on the third floor.” She easily complies and I piggy back her up the stairs.

Out on the roof we start making out pretty quickly. During a particularly aggressive point in the episode, in which I press her roughly against the stone chimney, I almost fall off the roof backwards. After a while of rooftop fun, it starts to get cold, and she's still wearing her wet bikini, so I tell her we have to get inside and get her cold clothes off...

...And whilst I leave you to ponder what, perchance, happened next, I must go play with my wonderful and beautiful dog Casanova whom I have missed so much.

Stay classy,

P.S. I've been informed that me and Ace are to give a speech at the New Blood Rising event. I want to speak about “Impossible Pulls”, while I'm sure that Ace wants to speak on the topic of “Less is More”. What are your thoughts? Any suggestions?