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Thread: What the hell am I doing wrong at the club?

  1. #1
    Eternal-water is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default What the hell am I doing wrong at the club?

    Usually when I go to a club and don't pull (which is every time I've been) I don't care cos its nothing new and I've had fun anyway but its just worn out now.

    On Friday night I went to a club with a friend and this is someone who all through school could not get girls and everyone looked down on.

    We were drinking along and trying to dance our way into the groups and he at one point danced up to a girl and kissed her within seconds and then she promptly left.

    Later on he dances into a group of girls, just dancing no talking (too loud for that) and within a minute goes in for a kiss and is then practically eating her face off for the rest of the night. I mean WTF?? He didn't even say anything he just danced up behind her got her attention and eventually she turned and snogged his face off.

    HOW?!? The last time I kissed a girl was 2009

    There are couples kissing all over this club and its like all these guys know some secret trick.

    I sat down at this point and this guy came over and tried to get me back on the floor again (don't know why) then turns and goes up to a group of 4 girls starts grinding up against one and puts his hands on her waist, she turns and looks, carries on dancing, he kind of grabs her arm and starts daning with her and then kisses her and she kisses back.

    all in under 30 seconds WHAT ARE THESE GUYS DOING?!?!

    I just thought I'd copy his technique to the letter for the hell of it, soon as my hands are on this girls waist she looks like she's being raped and her friend throws this fvck off glare at me and they dissapear.

    Usually I wouldn't care but this just depressed me and its just getting ridicolous, so what the hell are these people doing to be able to make out with some girl they havent spoken too in roughly 60 seconds???

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: What the hell am I doing wrong here?

    It could be that your body language isn't congruent with your actions.

    You may be doing the same things that these other guys are... but your body language might be saying that you're unsure about what you're doing.

    Personally that particular approach isn't my style. Not that it can't or doesn't work (because obviously it DOES) but MY body language would be saying I'm not confident with it.

    You need to match your approach to your personality. If you're more of the friendly, funny type of guy, use that sort of approach.

    For me, I have the best success when I approach a girl from the side, & while I'm standing near her, I'll say something like, "Wow, those are kick-ass boots" (or shoes) Or I might say, "That's a really cool bracelet. You've got a great sense of fashion & accessorizing" (something like that)

    It's complimentary, but not about her looks, which is what most guys would do. You're not immediately expressing interest in her, but the subconscious reaction she has, let's her know you might be interested.... yet still creates an element of mystery & curiosity.

    SO, think about your personality, & think of how you'd be the most comfortable in your approach. That should increase your confidence, as well as your success.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
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    DandyLion is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What the hell am I doing wrong here?

    Eternal-water,

    I agree. I think that this style does work, but ultimately I think it is based solely off physical attraction.

    That is the dilemma about the PUA community. As much as we want to say physical attraction isn't paramount, I would have to argue it is.

    Maybe girls say it isn't, but subconsciously I think they would prefer a good looking guy over some average joe.

    Stick to whatever is most comfortable to you.

    If a girl isn't comfortable with your body language, chances are, it's not going to work as planned.

    Regards,

    DandyLion

  4. #4
    bobat6 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What the hell am I doing wrong here?

    hey man, i had this problem too..
    remember few things first.. When entering a club, people will notice you, and will start to judge you immediately by your body language, social skills etc..
    so if you entered with your head down, talked to nobody, went straight to the bar etc etc, girls will see you as a beta male (opposite of alpha male)
    so you need to build social proof immediately when entering.
    you need to have good posture - remember bodylanguage is VERY important
    when you enter, have small smile on your face (makes wonders)
    if you see someone you know, make big gestures like man hugging or hi5's.. and if she/he is with a group of people, just introduce yourself to them.
    talk to random people, hi5 girls and guys.
    if there is a certain event like a (famous DJ, Party) ask the first group of people you see when you enter the club "is this where the event is?" [other people who are judging you, think you know those people - which puts you into a social & fun person to be around, which helps your approaches)

    After building enough social proof, just approach the first girl you like without taking more than 3 seconds for 2 reasons:
    1) After 3 seconds, aa will start to happen
    2) After few seconds pass, and she notices you, you're farked, because she might think you're shy etc ..

    important not to approach directly infront of her, come from near her (NOT BEHIND)

    if she's already dancing you can use cocky/funny openers on her about her dancing skills - to make her laugh at herself.. lowering her value

    EDIT: forgot to say,
    1) if there arent good females in that particular club, or you got rejected many times, change venue and build social proof again
    2) the approach should be an opener, dont just start dancing with her.. if she rejects you like that, it gets a bit awkward hehe..
    The Worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I'd Hate that!

  5. #5
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: What the hell am I doing wrong here?

    Quote Originally Posted by DandyLion View Post
    Eternal-water,

    I agree. I think that this style does work, but ultimately I think it is based solely off physical attraction.

    That is the dilemma about the PUA community. As much as we want to say physical attraction isn't paramount, I would have to argue it is.

    Maybe girls say it isn't, but subconsciously I think they would prefer a good looking guy over some average joe.

    Stick to whatever is most comfortable to you.

    If a girl isn't comfortable with your body language, chances are, it's not going to work as planned.

    Regards,

    DandyLion

    I TOTALLY agree that the reason a guy approaches a girl is 99.99999% because he thinks she LOOKS attractive. Women aren't stupid, and they definitely know this too.

    That's why they have that "magic shield" in place, and we have to be all ninja like, & go stealth mode to get around it & Disarm it.

    It's not that women don't want to be approached... because they DO! Why do you think they spend so much time getting ready to go out? They do their hair, makeup, clothes... etc... to make themselves as attractive as possible.

    WHY? Because they too, are sexual beings. BUT... they have to filter out the "wrong" guys as best they can. So, insert the shield. Lay out some tests along the way.

    It's kinda like this: We men have to navigate a strategic minefield so to speak. Think of it as a military training course. It IS possible to reach then finish line, but you have to be familiar with the territory & terrain.

    It takes practice & experience to learn how to navigate through the course, without "blowing yourself up".

    But never assume women don't want to be approached & picked up!! Because they absolutely do!!

    It's just OUR responsibility to put in some effort & learn how to do it properly. We need to be MEN; not timid little boys.

    We also need to have social grace & confidence. We don't have to be "jerks", but we DO need to be "Alpha" & confident.

    GENUINE Personality needs to shine when we talk to them. Sure, routines can be a training ground, but you can't rely solely on canned/memorized lines & material.

    You need to learn how to incorporate the correct techniques to fit within your own unique style. You want to be different that EVERYONE else who may approach her. (This includes all other "PUA's")

    You don't want to be a clone of some other guy... even if he IS successful. You want to have SOMETHING to separate yourself from even the BEST of the best!

    It's the subtleties & personal characteristic of your real personality that make the difference.

    "Be yourself".... as long as it's the BEST "self" you can offer. Otherwise, keep striving to improve in the areas you need to, until you can be the "Ultimate You".



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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