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Thread: Booze, Blondes and Blunt Force Trauma

  1. #1
    Maus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Booze, Blondes and Blunt Force Trauma

    Hello Again! Bit of a disclaimer here, I didn't get to go home with the girl. I got a number but at what cost? So begins a cautionary tale of woe and mischief...

    Jack is a foreign girl. Well not too foreign (She hails from Great Britain, which isn't too far of a stretch from Australia) but foreign enough to be new and interesting. She's here on a 6 month holiday and is currently working to make ends meet at my restaurant. She's a short, slightly muscular (in a weirdly attractive way) and a blonde (BLONDE!) and she's told me she won't hook up with anyone while she's here.

    Forbidden fruit! she must be mine!

    She's also here with two guy friends and they come from the roughest part of London. I did not know this. I will come to regret not knowing this.

    SO after work we all go to a local pub (an Irish one, love me some Guinness) and we're all sitting around getting progressively more drunk. Jack and the rest of the girls decide to go home and freshen up so we can all go out to nightclubs later one.

    Good they needed to.

    So they come back looking very pretty and Jack is wearing a dress that runs down her legs but has a diamond shaped hole in the chest. Hard to describe, but underboob my friends, underboob. Need I say more?

    The rest of the night went by fairly quickly; drinking, dancing and more alcohol (now I'm on the rum). We and up at a club called sin, where there are lots of dark corners for doing dark deeds. As jack walks into the darkness in front of me she turns and winks before disappearing.

    Perhaps not so forbidden anymore?

    We sit at a table facing each other and have random small talk, blah blah blah etc, meanwhile she starts rubbing my leg and licking her lips.

    So yeah, it's pretty much on.

    While this was happening there were two MASSIVE dudes sitting next to us talking with heavy english accents. The penny had still not dropped.

    Next thing I know Jack has moved round the table and now we're making out. cool.

    Suddenly a voice like the apocalypse shouts 'HEY!' and I turn around. At this point I realise 3 things

    1 - I see a massive dude with a shaved head and covered in tribal tattoos

    2 - It clicks that he's an english friend of Jack's

    3 - Judging by his expression he wants to hook up with her too.

    I look at this man and I realise in my heart that there is nothing that I can do or say to stop him from punching me in the face. I have maybe a second with which to raise my arms in defence.

    Now if I was sober I reckon I could have blocked, but in my current state of intoxication (such intoxication!) that second was not nearly enough.

    The next thing I know time slows down and there is a fist which seems to be the approximate size of a dinner plate hovering in front of my face.

    I think to myself "Worth It!"...

    And then, darkness.


    I wake up in a white room with someone blonde over me.


    Nope it's a pissed of looking nurse telling me how much she hates drunks in town getting into fights all the time. Still hot but. I'm very groggy and ask her out. She laughs at me. Aww.

    after an hour or so I'm let out and catch a taxi home.

    I have no idea what happened after that almighty blow to the face, how I got home or what happened to Jack.

    As I take of my shirt to go to bed I notice someone has written a phone number and the word 'JACK' in lipstick on my chest.

    Yup. A Good Night.


    So be warned!

    No wait there is a question here. At NO POINT did she mention any friends or even talk to them during the night. Or perhaps it's that I didn't see/remember/listen to her.

    SO is there a subtle or easy way to ask a girl whether I'd be cutting anyone's grass by hooking up with her? How could I ask this question without coming off as insecure?

    I do NOT want to repeat the above scenario again.

    And Have A Nice Day.


  2. #2
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    Default Re: Booze, Blondes and Blunt Force Trauma

    Seriously...You're hilarious.
    +30 characters.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Booze, Blondes and Blunt Force Trauma

    Lol great story. Your style of writing is enjoyable.

    I honestly think this is an isolated incident. This rarely happens so it sucks that it had to happen to YOU. The only thing I'd say is to make sure you try and make friends with everyone who is around. It builds your social circle and may help you pin who's interested in who early on if you engage in conversation with everyone. You may have spotted his jealous, aggressive behavior if you talked with him. Or maybe he just got drunk later and it came out of him. Who knows.

    Where to go from here? I'd let her come to you. She's bound to try an apologize when she bumps into you at work. If not, then that's one cold chick you don't want to get involved with. If she ain't willing to fight for you, then no reason to fight for her......literally. It costs you some ego points, but so what. You can gain it back with something else. Again great story.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

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