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  1. #1
    mpmpmp12333 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default New divorced guy needs some help, possible flake alert

    So in a nutshell: Met a cute girl on an online site about 3 weeks ago, went back on forth over email, she gave me her number, we spoke, and met up last Thursday. She is in her early thirties, I am in my mid thirties. We met a bar and were there for about 3 hours, closed the place down. Walked her to her car, a kiss on the lips, went home. She then went away for a few days with some friends. Texted her right after making sure she got home ok and made a joke. She texted back, "Thanks for tonight, had a great time. Would def like to get together when I get back."

    Since she has been back we have been texting back and forth everyday and made plans yesterday for Friday to meet up. I gave her the, "let me know what your schedule is like question." Today we texted back and forth, just joking around (her planning to wear an 80's outfit, etc). Just good banter.

    When I got home tonight, got a text from her that she forgot that she had plans with some friends on Friday and suggested that we do brunch on Sunday. Definitely seemed a bit flaky. So I sent her back a text and decided just to go for it (Not sure if this was the right thing to do and said, "that works, i'm on my way home, you up for a quick bite to eat?" I just wanted to put her to the test to see how she would react and would assume not all guys would do this, so I was hoping to stand out.

    Well, of course I got the reply of, " Sorry, I have plans."

    So I responded, "No problem, the lets def do Sunday." After I sent that I did not get a response (Not sure I should expect one).

    So help this poor bastard out and let me know what you think of the situation? Also, what is my next move? Obviously no communication with her tonight, but should I now put it all on her to get back to me and if not just move on? Thanks

  2. #2
    FaithfulRaider is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: New divorced guy needs some help, possible flake alert

    Not knowing all what went on with the 1st date and the texting, I'd say you seem a bit eager, she threw you a test, and you failed it. I don't know what kind of "game" you use so its a little hard to be specific on what works with your style, but I'll give my opinion for what its worth.

    You seem a bit eager, didn't demonstrate that you could care less about seeing her, and sure didn't seem to make her work for your attention. It could be very well she had plans Friday, but it was painfully obvious that your plans were seeing her and you communicated that to her. You kind of made it worse by saying you'd be ok postponing it to a few days later, and then even went further in the negative by trying to see her right then, and being ok with her saying "Sorry" and blowing you off.

    I don't think she's a flake. She's your average "cute girl" with obviously options and a social life, and her actions actually seem predictable. My guess is she's lined you up as a "nice guy", and is treating you as such. So she's off being social with other people and you're left thinking about her (a big no-no).

    My gut feeling is, at least for now, its pretty much done with her. I could be wrong, but what exactly would motivate her to "unflake" and start chasing you? I would be worried if she did at this point actually, it would make me think she's after something, whether it be validation, power tripping, or attention, or worse. What you posted played out pretty much like a "cute girl vs. nice guy 1st date" situation. And we know where "nice guys" finish...

    In my opinion, a few observations just based on what you posted. Did you demonstrate higher value? Who was chasing who? I'm a big believer in Cat String Theory. Sounds like you were interesting enough to have a passable first date but after that point, where was her interest to keep chasing you, keep trying to get your attention over other women? Where was her negative conditioning response when she turned you down for the Friday thing? See, when she said "no" to you, and your response was "thats ok" - that's a test you failed. I'm not talking about being mean, I'm talking about passing tests. Who was missing out by not going out Friday? In her mind, and probably in yours, it was you. That's what needs to change. Cat String Theory, Demonstrate your higher value. It needs to be HER that is missing out by not going out with you.

    That, IMO, is the paradigm shift that needs to happen.

    Its probably pretty easy for some who have seen this lots of times to recognize this is probably what happened. The trick is noticing when its happening to you and how to a) prep her in advance and b) act when it happens.

    I can't blame her for how she reacted. Its pretty much the typical average response for the situation. She's the cat that, once she got the string, got bored of playing. Can it be salvaged? Maybe. But think where you are currently at. She has higher value than you, and she knows it. Getting that value back at this point by negative means would probably be seen by her as being mean, not playful. Honestly at this point it might be better to chalk it up to an education and move on, and that actually may even help the situation. If you think you may already be in the "friend zone" (which you may be in her mind) you could use that to your advantage by asking her advice about how to deal with a situation of another girl (real or imaginary). Might get some value back with her, and some string action going on.

    Sorry this ended up being long. I would really suggest brushing up on demonstrating higher value, and Cat String Theory (Mystery and David DeAngelo talk about this, are easy to follow, and easy to find). I think you'd be well served with some Gary Brodsky stuff too. At first I found him bordering on offensive, but he does teach a decent Alpha Male style which may help with some of your troubles.

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