So over the weekend I went out with my buddy again to see if anything fun could happen. While some bad crap happened at the end of the night it wasn't a complete and total loss. Number closed a couple of girls and helped out another guy with his.
Story goes, my friend DD'd for me last weekend so now it was my turn to do so for him. Its always been our pattern, alternating trips and such. We go to Hooters and have a fun time there, watching the game and thinking up ridiculous jobs that we could have and generally making the staff laugh so much they ignored the majority of their customers. An example from my friend;
HootersGirl: "So what do you do for a living?" (in work mode, not really paying too much attention)
Friend: "I work at the zoo. I help artificially inseminate the elephants during their ovulation area."
He says this, totally deadpan like he was serious, then once she looked at him he cracked a smile and then she started laughing.
OtherHG: "So what about you?" (Asking me and seemingly interested because of my friends response)
Me: "I'm a fernologist. I can tell you all about yourself by feeling the small bumps on your head" (I say this and I'm able to keep a straight face so they ask me to demonstrate. I pick the cuter of the 2 and she comes over while I basically just give her a scalp massage.)
Me: "Hmm, according to the different textures and divot pattern, you are a strong willed woman who loves her family, but you also enjoy slightly rotten mango's and are addicted to animal porn....I need to wash my hands now" (smile, lots of laughter from her co-workers and she punches me in the arm. I give her a one armed hug and thank her for not decking me and she smiles and goes back behind the bar.)
Anyways, lots of Fluff talk between then and when we left since we let them get back to work. They kept coming over to check on us, alot more frequently than the other customers, and one went on break so I moved to sit beside her while my friend talked to his.
Me: "So me and him are arguing over something. I need your help"
Her: "Ok, what is it?"
Me: "Would you ever have sex with a midget? He says he wouldn't because he's afraid of crushing them. I said I would just for the novelty of it. Where do you stand?"
Her: "Well, if he was good looking then maybe...yea I would"
Me: "I never said it was a he that you got to sleep with, yours will have to be female" (smile)
Her: (gentle arm slap) "No! Well if I was drunk then yea."
After that we both number closed and headed out to the bar. It was pretty lame for the most of the night. Alot of bigger women out and while I have nothing against them, they're not my particular targets so I was out of the running for a little while. Went out to smoke and a 4 set walked by to sit on the tables in the small alcove of the bar. I ignored them since they were verging on sloppy drunk and vomiting isn't attractive to me. A dude about my age walks over and strikes up a conversation. I don't know what he said but eventually he starts to flounder because one of the women, the oldest in the group starts to call him out on something and the others all start joining in. Now normally I would let this slide but the annoying tone of their voices sent me into a weird mood. I look over and the older woman locks eyes with me. She's actually pretty attractive and I raise my glass to her. She spastically waves me over and asks me my name. I tell her and she loves my name, little fluff talk. I'm rocking in and out every time they say something I'm leaning out and just as I'm about to turn I see the guy start to walk away. I call him back to the group.
Me: "Hey man, which of these girls is the naughty one? I think its her" (point to the quiet dark haired girl in the corner who's only half smiling)
Group looks at her.
Me: "See they think so too, but what about you?"
Him: "Well since she was the first to jump on me and attack me, I'd say her" (points to the older woman)
Her: "I didn't attack you, but you started to become boring."
Me: "Whats your name man?"
Him: (Says name)
Me: "How can you think, (dude), is boring? Look at him! He's an awesome person I can tell"
Them: "How can you tell that??" (all intrigued)
Me: "Well first, he had the balls to approach all of you at once. Bet no one else has done that all night, they probably tried to talk to just one of you. Second, he has a leather jacket. You can always trust someone in a leather jacket" (points at self since I was wearing a leather jacket also) "And third, he actually picked the naughty one out of the group. She's" (point to the quiet girl) "the closet freak in the sheets but in public she's composed. You" (point to older woman) "are the naughty one in and outside the bedroom. Aren't you?"
Them: (look around and bust up laughing cause I'm right)
After that I isolated the shy girl and got her number then went back to check on the random dude.
Me: (Lean in so only he can hear me) "Tell the cougar to give her your number and hand her your phone. You're welcome."
I walk away before he can respond but he hands her his phone and she puts her number in there for him.
The rest of the night was nothing interesting. Those were the only highlights. Oh well, gotta have a slow night every now and then right? Thanks for reading everyone, and if you have any tips or ideas, whether you think their good or not I'd like to hear them!!! Seriously, the only way for any of us to get better is to bounce ideas off of each other so have at it!!!