ugh, on second thought the name of this thread is crass and vulgar, for reasons which will be later apparent. Oh well too late to change it now.
Foreign chicks. Ah, foreign chicks. Do we even need any other type? like actually? (I love me some foreign chicks).
So it just happens at the college I'm at always an influx of 5-6 Europeans every year. Almost all of them are female and very attractive. I don't know what I did to deserve this mind you, maybe I'll do good deeds in the future.
Just to clarify I very much enjoy flirting with, seducing and sleeping with foreign chicks.
Anyway this year there is Marcella. Marcella is a bitch. As in she walks into a room and flowers wilt kind of bitch. As in so far she has already made 3 undergraduates weep bitter tears of hatred for whatever reason (I think they were drunk and had an argument about hair?). The kind of girl you would cross the road to avoid.
However she's tall, German, has INSANE breasts (INSANE I SAY!) and she's platinum blonde (BLONDE!).
So when i met her at a college party one night I decided Marcella was actually misunderstood and needed to be given another chance (I am, after all, nothing if not welcoming).
So there I am chatting away, possibly blatantly staring at her chest (I am intoxicated by this point - but seriously her tits are huge and she has stipples in a tight white shirt. Any jury would acquit). So we flirt, sexy looks, a little bit of light touching here and there. Apparently she's very sexually experienced and she tells me she respects sexually aggressive men who want to try new things.
Well, okay. I guess.
So by this time I think things are going well and I excuse myself to go get a drink. And when I return...
Hambone? What is hamebone!? I hear you say. Hambone is someone we all know. He's another guy. That guy. The other guy who knows how to talk to girls. He's the man who could steal a woman out from under the nose of John Hamm. He's a man we all need, for we are nothing without competition.
But back to here and now. I have gone for a drink. and when I turn around it looks like my blitzkrieg has faltered and Germany is being invaded.
I must act quickly, for Marcells is in danger of being Ham-boned.
(Hur, Hur, Hur. sorry).
So I come back (perhaps a little to quickly) and they're talking. already Hambone has piqued her interest and is rubbing up and down her arm and whispering in here ear. I arrive and he immediately tussles my hair and asks Marcella if we've met (yes we have hambone!) before launching into stories about me that make me sound like a drunk slut.
Now I totally am a drunk slut, but seriously? low move Hambone! but probably effective. (also don't get me wrong Hambone is a close friend and we get along well. But when there are tall, big-titty Germans to be had...)
And on it goes. seriously I can't shake this guy. We basically duel in front of her, trying to AMOG the sh1t out of one another. try as I might I can't get him gone, and I hold on by the skin of my teeth. we both want this bad.
But how bad? see, Hambone is very good at pickup but fairly vanilla when it comes to sex. not the adventurous type you see. Marcella is...
I take a gamble. a lull in the conversation and then I say:
"So Marcella would you fark both of us at once...?"
absolute silence. Hambone is awestruck. I feel cold on the inside. Marcella looks at me pensively.
"yeah, sure, sex with two guys at the same time is fun"
We look at Hambone. A veritable deer in the headlights. Marcells raises a seductive eyebrow, saying 'how about it' without speaking.
But Hambone will have none of it. He politely excuses himself and leaves. I have won out this day. (I also probably would have gone through with it had he stayed. MMF threesomes can be pretty fun)
the rest is just going through the motions. Marcella and I talk. we hook up in a dark corner of the room. I take her back to my place.
Berlin is lovely this time of year.