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Thread: How to get over a shitty night?

  1. #1
    TheLardIsHere is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to get over a shitty night?

    I have been reading the forums for quite a few days now, plus all those youtube pickup videos. very inspiring stuff - more than anything else, i liked how its about becoming a better man. to give u a brief background, I have been "the nice guy" all my life so far ( i m 29), had a gf who walked all over me before we broke up when i was 26. thats when i hit rock bottom, took some time to figure myself out, and decided to apply to grad school. yep, i m a nerd, i love maths and am proud of it. but hey, that doesnt mean i cant have social skills. I wanna be better at it too, and "art of pua" helped me gain that perspective.



    So I have been trying approaching women from last several weeks. Tonight has been the worst experience ever. Most of my circle consists of full-on nerds, the kind that are happy sitting in front of their laptops whenever they have nothing else to do. So I decide, f*ck it, I'll go out alone, many do... seen "I game alone" on forums, I can do the same. Went to the cheaper undergrad just-turned-21 type of bars first. Approached 5 times, with openers like "you guys seem to be having fun!", "whats that red stuff u r drinking?", "i like backless dresses". Got responses including a stink face, look-the-other-way, "my friends are over there" and tired-smile-and-walk-away. The last one was "Sorry, am here with my husband, but u r sweet". Ok, theres some hope, I am sweet, i must be strong and keep at it.



    I decide to go towards the more upscale part of the street. Enter into a fancy looking bar. The lady holds my hand and says $10 cover. She held my hand, so she could obviously take my money. I pay up, enter and order a drink. I notice the place is full of latinos. May be I did good coming here, coz am brown too ( east indian). There are people dancing, awesome music too. I approach a group of 3, "which of you ladies is the best dancer? I need someone who can teach me coz I suck at it". Suddenly a couple of huge guys turn up from nowhere, start shoving me "no no, <some thing i couldnt understand>", shoed me away.



    "I must be strong, I'll get better", I say to myself. The confidence is low though. I see a woman, around 35, sipping beer alone at the bar. I make my way there, order the same beer, turn over and ask "who u with here?". She retorts "alone". I grab my beer, "cheers to that, am out alone too". I take a sip, "you wanna dance?", to which she says "am too drunk to dance". "Well, thats the best time to dance, but what else do u wanna do?", and then she says something I couldnt make out and walks off. Not more than 3 minutes later, shes dancing with another dude. WTF ???



    Sigh ... confidence at the bottom of the ocean. may be I am really ugly. Is it the glasses I wear ? Or may be the stereotypes about East Indians ? How we smell like curry and what not? May be maths nerds are supposed to be just that - maths nerds... and am fighting a losing battle here. Disappointed, I go off to a coffee bar. Its 2 am, and am kinda drunk. I take a coffee, see and HB7 sitting outside alone. F*ck it, another try. I walk up to her "Had a good night?". We hit up a conversation, talk for 10 min about how shes kinda nerdy too, before she says shes gonna go inside to sit coz they are closing up. Asks me to note down her number. Shes a waitress, probably gets hit on 100 times per day. What chance does a socially inept brown idiot have ? She was probably just being nice, taking pity on me. Has happened before, girl gives number, I text, she doesnt reply.



    Sorry for the long rant, just fed up of myself today. Thanks for reading, any advice on what I can do to not give up will be much much appreciated.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over a shitty night?

    Well you have done what a lot of beginners cannot do. And that's you going out alone and doing your best. Huge step. I mean it. You just got to work on your technique.

    I'm not sure if you saw the two guys, but always approach the guys first. If you didn't see them then asking which is the best dancer is a qualification question when you have not built up enough value or attraction. It's difficult to get a woman to qualify to you if you haven't built attraction. But don't take it personally. They rejected your approach, not who you are as a person.

    I would not broadcast that you are alone. In fact you should take that word out of your vocabulary. You're never alone. You can be a "regular" and just know other "regulars." You could be meeting up with people. But you aren't alone. Even if you were to say "I'm by myself." That sounds better then saying you're alone.

    Trying to convince a woman to do anything is just plain risky. You tried convincing her that being drunk is the best time to dance. You want to frame it that she has to convince YOU why it's not a good time to dance. Or what IS a good time to dance. Or whatever. You want her convincing you and explaining herself to you. Check out my thread on dance game and that may help you.

    And don't just scoped out the place and only open sets you like. Open EVERYONE. You just never know what new friends you'll make. Who knows who. What girls they'll bring later. Or what. Plus you get social proof when you open everyone. Then you can open whoever you want and they know your "the guy" to talk to.

    But don't forget...

    Mistakes build character and experience. This will not be the last time you have a bad night. I still get bad nights. It's a process and you've already overcome the major hard part. And that's actually getting off your ass and doing something about it. So kudos my friend and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    mackdaddyjacK's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over a shitty night?

    Hey man don't sweat it happens to me too man and I got experience. So far I have had a few bad nights myself.
    I remember one night getting blown out so hard then making a come back, I remember nights where everything went wrong and then a small ounce of courage went a long way. I also remember nights where nothing went right.

    I remember a day when I got shot down left and right and got blown out hardcore then went out that same night and killed it. So man you gotta keep perspective I mean the last time I went out was last weekend and I went out on Thursday and had a terrible night not on my game at all. Then I thought I was screwed but again kept plugging away and I hate coming off a bad night but I went out 2 nights later and had the best night ever!

    This last night I went out I had ioi's through the roof on a Dimepiece giving me Kino, had girls following me, had previous sets waiting by the stairs to close them, grinding with chicks who played hard to get and tried to reject me, had previous sets waiting by the door to F-close them, etc. That was some mad crazy stuff. I felt like such a rockstar too bad I couldn't cut the cards after the fact though. Man I hate the aftermath. But yeah keep plugging away and all the good nights will make up for the bad. Plus I have noticed all these rejections give me reference points of how to handle objections and actually overcome them looking good doing it.

    Now girls get less leway with me and I play a bit of hard to get with them and they come running. Just look out for the HB's sending you signals! Waiting by doors after you close them, waiting at places and clearly they were following you, trying to kiss you, dropping hints about going home. These are the worst times I failed when girls did these things and I wasn't quick enough to get it until it was too late.

  4. #4
    TheLardIsHere is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to get over a shitty night?

    Thanks batMan and Mackdaddyjon. Your words of encouragement and advice are like balm on my wounds

    Moreover, I dont think I would have really "understood" your advice if I had not gone out, now I can relate to it a lot more, and its spot on! "Trying to convince a woman is plain risky" is frcking GOLD. Theres clearly a lot I need to learn, and frankly, its a lot more fun if you forget the sex and focus on building up your social skills. I'll definitely keep on doing what I do, just wish there were friends with me, alteast some of the times. I learn a lot with people around. In any case, will persevere and see where it takes me.

  5. #5
    lenric's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over a sh1tty night?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheLardIsHere View Post
    its a lot more fun if you forget the sex and focus on building up your social skills.
    That's it mate, that's the Mindset that will make you successful. Best of luck!

  6. #6
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to get over a shitty night?

    Best way to get over a bad day come here read posts learn from the collective failures and successes of others share your own. Also encourage anyone in a rough time.

    We got your back

    Chin up, back strait, smile. Rinse and repeat

  7. #7
    hometownextra's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over a shitty night?

    P.s. don't watch chick flicks, in your pajamas, while drinking wine from the bottle and eating ice cream from a carton. Just saying that would be creepy

  8. #8
    TheLardIsHere is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to get over a shitty night?

    Thanks for the support hometownextra. you can expect more FRs from me (good or bad).

  9. #9
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over a sh1tty night?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheLardIsHere View Post
    Thanks batMan and Mackdaddyjon. Your words of encouragement and advice are like balm on my wounds

    Moreover, I dont think I would have really "understood" your advice if I had not gone out, now I can relate to it a lot more, and its spot on! "Trying to convince a woman is plain risky" is frcking GOLD. Theres clearly a lot I need to learn, and frankly, its a lot more fun if you forget the sex and focus on building up your social skills. I'll definitely keep on doing what I do, just wish there were friends with me, alteast some of the times. I learn a lot with people around. In any case, will persevere and see where it takes me.
    I've been doing this for 4 years and 90% of the time I was by myself. I eventually made friends to go out with. But I've only known 2 PUA's personally this whole time. So don't beat yourself up. You don't need anyone.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  10. #10
    TheLardIsHere is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to get over a sh1tty night?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I've been doing this for 4 years and 90% of the time I was by myself. I eventually made friends to go out with. But I've only known 2 PUA's personally this whole time. So don't beat yourself up. You don't need anyone.
    I see, may be its just my anxiety. Some company helps reduce it. But till then, I'll take your advice to enlarge by balls on my own


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