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Thread: Day Game. Blanked out.

  1. #51
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by gunsnglory View Post
    Probably she just got distracted. However, I think I would have waited til after you guys got together, and then mentioned the drink while hanging out.
    You see, I was careful about it. I didn't want to scare her right off the bat so I decided to include her group of friends. In fact, in my ideal planning, I wanted to Isolate her by whispering into her ear "lets go have a drink" after our meal is done. So I haven't asked her for the drink just yet.

    I just wanted to make sure that I haven't communicated clinginess accidentally. I also wanted to know if the smiley was warranted in this situation since I really didn't know how to respond to that statement.
    Last edited by Mystery_wannabe; 11-06-2009 at 08:50 PM.

  2. #52
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Well as far as the text goes, I think it was generally a very good interaction. One thing you did very well, was to show that you are complete cool with random people coming along and changing the situation. This is good. If you had shown that it bothered you in any way, she would have interpreted that to mean that your get-together was some sort of date. I also like that you asked her if she knows these other women. It says a couple of things subtly. First, it qualifies her by letting her know that you care what she thinks about these women. Second, it shows that you are somewhat selective about the people you hang out with.

  3. #53
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

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    Report on today's "group" date:

    If I was to describe today's date, I would say "so-so" with a bad note. The reason why this date was bad is because the clash of cultures. I know some of you are going to hammer me hard when I say this but I'm saying it anyways. The fact is my friends are REALLY Chinese was the initial problem. This means they behave culturally that way and it just doesn't match the way that Caucasians interact. I know I can do both and adapt when need be but it seems like she's disconnected from my friends. My friends also find it hard to fit in with her even though I've seen some attempts made to do so. Girl A brought her friend Decoy_B who's completely Japanese. I would say she's an HB8. She seems shy and also had some problems connecting so they both held onto each other when moments got awkward. I tried hard to switch between both sides. My decoy and wingman helped out by adding value to our conversations. However, the only topics that was able to unite all of us together is something about Japan which everyone seems to have some sort of common ground on except for my decoy's bf which... let's just say wasn't very helpful.

    We went bowling and I tried to get some kino going with Girl A but it seems like the whole situation with the cultural incompatibility has made her nervous. She wasn't kinoing back and it was more like she's just focused onto the event. I felt no spark with her and it was more like a friend's gathering.

    The fact that my decoy's bf is a nerd didn't help much as he kept blabbering on the details about calculation and many other stuff that I know the girls wouldn't give a damn about even if their life depended on it. I just thought "omfg I'm sooooo screwed". We moved to a dinner setting and that's where the sharing began. Decoy_B was doing the victory sign and it triggered Girl A relate back to the "up yours" hand signal which she shared with everyone. Now she is a carefree girl so she didn't think too much and said "yeah, it means fark you" and showed the sign. My Chinese friends ended up looking like which frightened Girl A. She quickly jolted and apologized. I could feel that awkwardness that happened. I was completely helpless!!

    We decided that once everything had finished, it was too early to go home (the date wasn't a disaster) so we decided to move on and go grab a drink. This is supposed to be the time where I'd pull Girl A aside and go in for the Isolation moment but my wing man suggested it to everyone and everything went down hill. Another issue is because Decoy_B doesn't know her way around the subway system very well, Girl A felt compelled to take her home meaning I would have no chance to do the kiss close anyways (no Isolation moment). The whole time I felt Girl A closed herself away from me. I wanted to get some moments with her but there literally was none. We sat at rectangular table with 2 long chairs facing each other (each chair holding 3 people). I sat next to Decoy_B while Girl A was next to her. We started playing a card game that only we knew. My decoy taught them the basics and we got everything going. Instead of me helping Girl A, my wing man ended up pairing with her. Girl A felt slightly uncomfortable and showed signs of hesitation but carried through anyways. I decided to pair up with Decoy_B and we played together in pairs.

    At that point, everything felt weird because it was as if I was gaming Decoy_B instead of Girl A. My Wingman wanted to offer me the option of pairing up with Girl A but that would mean I had to leave Decoy_B on purpose to be with Girl A and I didn't want to do that. Girl A followed up with "oh no, it's ok we can be together for teams". She watched us and it seemed like I'm actually somewhat attracted to Decoy_B instead. I saw Decoy_B showing slight signs of ioi. When I spoke to her, her ears turned redish and she looked nervous constantly. I'm not sure if it was because of me or if it was just the environment that's causing her the nervousness. Girl A at that point felt kinda left out and things turned for the worse once again when she played her combos and my friends attacked her for not putting the right cards. I watched as Girl A got scared Sh1tless and I couldn't help but walk in and gave her a pat on the back to reassure her.

    I did one thing that I thought was crazy when I think about it now. I asked Decoy_B for her number even though she had no cell phone. I felt so embarrassed. We were talking about adding each other on facebook for another gathering and it just came out of my mouth. Girl A looked at me with the "wtf are you doing?" look and now I'm thinking if I've made a mistake. Would this partial jealousy cause a positive or negative effect? Is this effect desired or did I just communicate to Girl A that I'm no longer interested in her?

    I'm sorry I've written such a long report, but I've got so many questions right that I need answers to. After the date, I felt that I've been totally disconnected with Girl A. I feel the distance between us and that there was absolutely no spark. Before they left my car I said "I hope you ladies had a good time" and they both seem to have genuinely said they did although I wasn't sure if Girl A was lying or not. I didn't go for the kiss close because I just felt we both weren't ready for it and the chemistry between us was totally just grinned to a halt. I'm not sure from now on what will happen, maybe she will treat me as friend only? Is there any chance for maybe trial #2? Should I even do a trial #2? I'm so lost.
    Last edited by Mystery_wannabe; 11-07-2009 at 11:54 PM.

  4. #54
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Go back through and read your post. You'll see that everything you did and felt was predicated on what your target did. That isn't alpha. That is AFC. I used to do that really badly. What you should have done, was have fun. Try to smooth things when it was easy, but if it wasn't easy, then don't bother. If you were having fun, other people would have started having fun just because you were. You know what makes you have fun. If you did that you wouldn't have been sitting around freaking out about how everyone else was feeling. Instead, you probably came off looking like a scared rabbit. This not only didn't display confidence, but it meant that the woman, who was relying on you, to help keep things moving, couldn't. You didn't have to make everything work, but you needed to show that you were having fun doing something. Then, if the other's couldn't join in, that was their own fault, but you provided the atmosphere, and a way to have fun.

    Sorry for the tough love.

    Now for the future. What I would do, is next time you see her, mention in an unapologetic way, that unfortunately your friends and her friends just didn't seem to hit it off together, however you had a lot of fun with her. Then suggest that you guys should go out and do something without all the background noise of the rest of the group.

    The frustration you felt, was probably something that she felt as well. Remember, from her perspective, she was trying to do the same thing you were. She liked you, and she really wanted her friends to have fun with your friends. However, the situation just became really socially awkward, and she ended up feeling scared and miserable.

    What you need to do is track her reality of the situation (which is that things didn't work), but show that you are still interested in her, and you think that you and her are compatible, even if her friends aren't. You may have lost your chance with her, but I think you can recover. Whatever you invite her to, make it less elaborate than this get-together. Then make sure that you really escalate the Kino. If you can get her out, she is going to be fighting mixed feelings. She knows she likes you, and that you seem to like her, but she doesn't know if it can work. What you have to do is show her that you still like her, and that it does work.

    I hate shout text but this is important:
    Acknowledge that the previous evening didn't go as well as you hoped, but DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR THE EVENING. In case you missed that: DON'T BE APOLOGETIC ABOUT THE EVENING WITH HER!!!!

  5. #55
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by gunsnglory View Post
    Go back through and read your post. You'll see that everything you did and felt was predicated on what your target did. That isn't alpha. That is AFC. I used to do that really badly. What you should have done, was have fun. Try to smooth things when it was easy, but if it wasn't easy, then don't bother. If you were having fun, other people would have started having fun just because you were. You know what makes you have fun. If you did that you wouldn't have been sitting around freaking out about how everyone else was feeling. Instead, you probably came off looking like a scared rabbit. This not only didn't display confidence, but it meant that the woman, who was relying on you, to help keep things moving, couldn't. You didn't have to make everything work, but you needed to show that you were having fun doing something. Then, if the other's couldn't join in, that was their own fault, but you provided the atmosphere, and a way to have fun.

    Sorry for the tough love.

    Now for the future. What I would do, is next time you see her, mention in an unapologetic way, that unfortunately your friends and her friends just didn't seem to hit it off together, however you had a lot of fun with her. Then suggest that you guys should go out and do something without all the background noise of the rest of the group.

    The frustration you felt, was probably something that she felt as well. Remember, from her perspective, she was trying to do the same thing you were. She liked you, and she really wanted her friends to have fun with your friends. However, the situation just became really socially awkward, and she ended up feeling scared and miserable.

    What you need to do is track her reality of the situation (which is that things didn't work), but show that you are still interested in her, and you think that you and her are compatible, even if her friends aren't. You may have lost your chance with her, but I think you can recover. Whatever you invite her to, make it less elaborate than this get-together. Then make sure that you really escalate the Kino. If you can get her out, she is going to be fighting mixed feelings. She knows she likes you, and that you seem to like her, but she doesn't know if it can work. What you have to do is show her that you still like her, and that it does work.

    I hate shout text but this is important:
    Acknowledge that the previous evening didn't go as well as you hoped, but DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR THE EVENING. In case you missed that: DON'T BE APOLOGETIC ABOUT THE EVENING WITH HER!!!!
    I did gunsnglory. I tried to have as much fun as I could. Our bowling lanes were split into 2 and our lane (with Decoy_B and Girl A) had the most energy although my other friends on the other lane were kinda dead? The problem is when I told them what was happening they came and with the Mindset of "oh let's help Mystery_Wannbe get his girl" which I told them to just have fun!

    I guess I was so into "lifting the atmosphere" that it started to look try hard when I noticed that my wing man looked bored and my decoy's bf started talking weird! I felt so embarrassed because it looked like a nerds group which is why I was so afraid about the "friends meet up" thing in the first place.

    Would a date-ette (eg: instant lunch date) work?? Or do I have to invite her out for something more?
    Last edited by Mystery_wannabe; 11-08-2009 at 11:08 PM.

  6. #56
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Don't beat yourself up. This stuff happens. Sounds like you set the date up well, and you did your part to make it fun, just don't worry about it not working out for everyone else. When I read your previous post, it sounded like you thought the whole date was a failure. If you had fun, and she was in your lane, then she had fun. The only way she couldn't have had fun would be if you telegraphed your anxiety or because of outside influences that you couldn't control. The second one doesn't really effect your future game too much.

    I would insta-date her. Lunch would be fun. Just ask her out directly and not a group this time. Like I said, I would mention that the previous night, the two groups of friends didn't really mix. But let her know that you had fun. Non-verbally, let her know that part of the reason you had fun was because of her.

  7. #57
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

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    Girl A update:

    Today was a good day. I started off by giving her a pat on her head (Kino) and she seemed to have responded positively. She started talking to me normally and asked me how my weekend was. I did my fair amount of sharing and when there was a pause between us, I told her that I hoped my friends didn't freak her and decoy_B out because my decoy's bf is kinda weird. She seemed cool with it and said that they're pretty nice and that she's seen a lot worse. Then our conversation quickly swapped over to retail experiences and such and since she seemed to have enjoyed the evening regardless of the awkwardness, I didn't make any remarks about how she was the one who made it fun (I didn't want to indulge our mood into that negative topic for too long). She seemed a whole lot more comfortable with me after that meet up. For the first time, she did a slight kino (attempted to touch my shoes) and she started leaning in to talk to me. This is the first time where I've felt so close to a girl and the feeling was amazing! Finally we're starting to see some sparks go off so I'm hoping that things will continue to progress this way. She also made references to Decoy_B wanting to go to a club and asked if I wanted to come along. To be honest, I would except I have curfew so I'm not sure how this would work out. However, this shouldn't be too big of an issue because Decoy_B also has a curfew (she's an exchange student and needs to report to her house parent). Since date 3 has been unofficially set, things seem to be going good for us. She's resumed hair flipping and our sitting positions tended to lean into each other!

  8. #58
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Awesome man!

    Don't wait for her to act. Sounds like you have enough attraction capital, man up ,and ask her out on something. Don't call it a date, or ask it like it is a date, but make it obvious that you want to go out with just her. Show some fairly obvious physical attraction.

  9. #59
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by gunsnglory View Post
    Awesome man!

    Don't wait for her to act. Sounds like you have enough attraction capital, man up ,and ask her out on something. Don't call it a date, or ask it like it is a date, but make it obvious that you want to go out with just her. Show some fairly obvious physical attraction.
    I'm going to try but it will be difficult. Right now it is the time of the year where I'm busiest (mid-terms) and I have a job which is ramping up for Christmas so I'll be loaded with junk to do.

    About the obvious physical attraction, is it ok if I held her hand? Is this too soon? What are some of the kinos that show physical attraction without conveying friendship? I'm worried if I placed my hand around her neck she'll think I'm doing the guys huddle thing.

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Update on Girl A:

    Nothing much really progressed except I tried to sit next to her again, but this time I came into class early so I sat in her seat. She obviously then sat next to me and things were alright except I'm not sure why but something felt a little awkward. She seemed a bit up tight (nervous??) constantly crossing her legs (non-negative manner) and was less talkative. Perhaps we were all busy trying to study for our quiz. The weird part was that even though she waited for me and we walked out of the building together, there was this awkward moment where it SEEMED like we didn't have much to say to each other and when it hit the point where we have to depart I just looked up to her and said "um.. I'm going this way, see ya" and she looked at me a little astonished looking as if to say "you're leaving me?" and waved to me.

    It felt like we were trying to play catch but the timing wasn't correct. What might be the cause for this problem?
    Last edited by Mystery_wannabe; 11-10-2009 at 12:08 PM.

  10. #60
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Don't hold her hand. That is AFC material. However, you could take her hand during class and give it a quick squeeze. Just don't sit there holding her hand. I guarantee it will get awkward quickly.

    The awkwardness you experienced today is because she really really wants you, and you haven't made a move to show that or progress things. You need to act now. If you can't do it until the weekend, that is okay, but you need to set something up for the weekend. Alpha men don't wait for the women to break the ice. She wants you to take the next move, and show real interest. Since that is hard in a class room, you tell her that you guys are going to do X together on the weekend. Notice that it wasn't a question. If she can't make it, she will say as much and reschedule with you, but you don't ask her if she want's to. Finally, I would do something like look deeply into her eyes, and when you have her gaze for several seconds, I would wink at her. Do it during the lecture or something, when talking isn't really possible. That will convey some serious interest without being socially awkward. I would ask her out before this, at the beginning of class.
    Last edited by gunsnglory; 11-10-2009 at 06:39 PM.


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