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Thread: Lunchbox Is Out To Dine (A Continuous FR)

  1. #11
    Lunchbox is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Lunchbox Is Out To Dine (A Continuous FR)

    Interesting bit of dialogue and a thought for discussion if anyone cares to chime in;

    So, I'm chatting to a cutie from way back that I was into before I got serious and was still guts deep in Approach Anxiety. I was a quivering wreck and this one night that I got her out, I didn't move quick enough, she got pissed with me and things went cold afterwards. I chalked it up as another lesson to learn and removed myself from the situation. I didn't open her to talk to anymore but if ever we saw each other (she's a friend of a family member) I'd always be polite, shoot the shit with her and just be chill like I always was.

    Anyway, catching you up to speed things went dead and then she went jet-setting to The Bahamas for a month. Today on the second time she opened me, she's grilling me about parties I'm going to and my recent happenings but then I change it onto her. She mentions she's having lunch with a friend and practicing (she's a musician).

    ME: Ooh, someone's got a hot date then?
    HB7: What, with myself? Yeah, definitely.
    ME: Ew. Pervert. :P You're sick.
    HB7: What do you mean by that?
    ME: Going on a "date" with yourself. That's creepy. :P
    HB7: Somebody has to. Nobody else is falling at my feet at the moment.

    Now I'm a complex fellow. Well no, not really. I'm a neurotic who can't take a hint. Rather than take the obvious que of "Please, hurry up and do me" and "My window of opportunity is open" I instead go straight for the ruthless psychoanalysis that makes me completely unbearable 95% of the time until you need a life affirming conversation and a true pep-talk to set you straight.

    I explain to her that 85% of men are petrified of rejection and are groomed to ease in slow, talk to girls, make them comfortable and then hope they'll grow to like them rather than just being straight forward about it. They'll take the slightest hint of disinterest as a game over, so, when a girl comes out swinging with absolute verbal maulings and straight up rudeness then the men separated from the boys will find themselves falling back into rank.

    I even told her that the truth about how I used to be interested in her myself and even as one of those afforementioned tough cookies (I may have been bullshitting here), even I got chills from the cold just radiating from this ice queen. I told her I lost interest because I could envision myself getting in too deep and then just banging my head against the wall.

    This hit her square in the gizzards. Imagine an uppercut which sends torrents of blood flying skywards out of their mouth. That's what this was.

    Fun and games was over. She started shutting down like crazy, trying to disappear while apologisingly profusely for the way she was with me. I calm her down and explain to her that she didn't upset me that night but made me think that I'd prefer to keep her as a friend and that if she was truly sorry she wouldn't go into total lockdown. While I'm explaining where things went wrong, she's trying to tell me she's one of the warmest people I'll meet but that she's just not confident so she comes across that way.

    In the end, I talk her down and say this;

    ME: "Alright look, if you're saying that I got the wrong end of the stick and that you're not the way you came across that night and it was just nerves then I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Why don't you show me who you really are? Would you like to hang out with me?"

    Tentatively, I got the yes and I set a day and a time and now I'm seeing her on Wednesday.

    Obviously in retrospect what happened was she was way into me, I blew it by not acting fast enough when attraction was still high and then I made myself scarce. She fought to keep onto me and my astute analysis and admission of a previous attraction got her thinking again. However, the logistics behind this conversation make me feel like I've made a hash of this somehow.

    In all my studying of pick-up (and believe me, I've read a farking tonne. I've mentally masturbated myself into a Hugh Heffner-esque carapace), it's never come up that butchering a girl and explaining her shortcomings would turn a situation around like that. I can't help but think I've made a grave error here. Any experts care to elaborate on why this is happening? Am I onto a winner here?

  2. #12
    Glub is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lunchbox Is Out To Dine (A Continuous FR)

    I like this thread -- keep posting! I am not an expert, but I will offer some advice anyways.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lunchbox View Post
    This hit her square in the gizzards. Imagine an uppercut which sends torrents of blood flying skywards out of their mouth. That's what this was.

    Fun and games was over. She started shutting down like crazy, trying to disappear while apologisingly profusely for the way she was with me. I calm her down and explain to her that she didn't upset me that night but made me think that I'd prefer to keep her as a friend and that if she was truly sorry she wouldn't go into total lockdown. While I'm explaining where things went wrong, she's trying to tell me she's one of the warmest people I'll meet but that she's just not confident so she comes across that way.
    If you think of this in terms of push/pull, you've given her a massive push, and really got her emotions going. At this point, you need to pull her back and channel her strong feelings into something positive.

    You could potentially go for a hug at this point, tell her you still think she's really great and fun to be around and you understand where she is coming from / you know how she feels. Tell her you are glad you had this opportunity to be real with each other and talk it out. Don't make the hug too long though -- it's alright if you release while you are telling her this stuff -- you could, as you release her, take hold of her shoulders and hold her at arms length while looking straight at her eyes as you tell her this stuff.

    After that, you should smile and try to brighten the mood. Crack a dumb joke or start talking about something else. You don't want the interaction to end on a sour note.

    In the end, I talk her down and say this;

    ME: "Alright look, if you're saying that I got the wrong end of the stick and that you're not the way you came across that night and it was just nerves then I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Why don't you show me who you really are? Would you like to hang out with me?"
    Too weak... you really needed to make her feel good at this point but with that you are ending it on a sour note and guilt tripping her into a date. She will associate you with whatever emotion she had when the interaction ended, and from what I'm hearing it sounds like she was still feeling miserable and guilty at the end -- when Wednesday comes around she is going to want to flake on you.

    Before and/or after hitting a girl with heavy criticism, you need to give her some sugar and make sure she comes out of it feeling positive. It's okay if she feels bad for a little bit, but you can't let her wallow in her negative emotions and you definitely shouldn't end with her feeling bad.
    Tentatively, I got the yes and I set a day and a time and now I'm seeing her on Wednesday.
    I'm looking forward to hearing your next report -- although I'm guessing this didn't go very well.

  3. #13
    Lunchbox is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Lunchbox Is Out To Dine (A Continuous FR)

    Hey!

    Thanks for the criticism Glub. You're right and while I didn't cover it all in the conversation, I did employ that counterbalance but maybe not as strongly as I should've. I emphasised that I still thought she was a cool person to speak to as a friend but at that point the attraction side was done. Now I just wanted her as a friend.


    Now I'll be completely honest, you're not alone. I thought after that solid ego smashing she was going to flake as well but she stuck it out like a champ. I got some investment by telling her my sleeping pattern had been way off and that it'd be cool of her if she rang me in the morning in case I slept through my alarm because I didn't want to flake on her. Lo and behold, she did it and I made it to the meet on time.

    The actual "date" was pretty good fun but ultimately went nowhere. I did not do anywhere near enough Kino or communicating my attraction which meant I couldn't get into a position where I could pull the trigger. Conversation however was a masterclass in deep diving and information seeking. Positive social interaction kept things going but as I learnt more and more about her and discovered that she had a lot of unresolved inner anguish, I became less and less attracted which only made me more unwilling to attempt anything touchy. I didn't want to be her psychologist through sexual proxy as I prefer more outgoing women and this girl was really quite a basket case. In the end, we drew a line and called it a day and we've been speaking tentatively since.




    Since then, I've had a few nights but they've been so horrendously poor in my performance that I haven't considered them worth documenting. Instead I've been brushing up on my research, watching videos of conferences and field reports from the likes of Liam McRae (my new favourite, this no-nonsense Aussie is awesome), Gambler and Nick Sparks to pick up some tricks to try out in future.


    I'm going to be going into radio silence again for a little while due to brokeness but soon I'll be going back to uni which means I'll have no excuse not to hit the day game and I'll be hitting the bar sometime soon with some more progress. In the meantime, the mental masturbation is hitting a peak as I watch 21 Conference videos and watch in-field videos.

    Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon.

    -Lunchbox


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