Its Saturday afternoon and its been a while since I went sarging
. So I put my best gear on and head to the closest local mall.I walk into a "Cowboy Apparel" store and am immediately greeted by a "Grenade" (the store manager) who I smile at but ignore. Then an "HB8
" approaches me that works there.
(keep in mind this approach starts out as expected but goes to hell in the end)
Hb8: Can I help you with anything?
Me: Yea sure..ah...wait a second...are you German..you have got a huge accent!
Hb8: Nooo...haha..my family is Norwegian but I was born here in the States. So are you looking for particular type of shoes?
Me: Yea...what do you think would look better.. the point edge or the squared?
Hb8: I dont know..it all depends on the person...I think either one would work on you?
------ While I am trying on different shoes..
Me: So random question...do girls or guys lie more?
Hb8: I think they both do..but again that depends also.
Me: I disagree...girls do...and they are good at hiding it too..
Hb8: Oooook...where did this all come from?
Me: Well I am entitled to my opinion...
Hb8: Well...I do really have a problem with girls here...I miss my hometown girls and my horses too
Me: Wait..I love horses...you must be a thrill seeker and you know what they say about thrill seekers?
Me: They are very visual when they think (some bullshit I made up on spot)
Me: Well I really have to go but there is a visualization exercise that I use to allow people to learn more about their subconcious....lets play a game!
Hb8: Well I didnt come here to play games! haha
Me: I know...you are helping me pick out shoes ...so sush.
------ I pull the cube
routine on her
Hb8: Nice..you were pretty spot on...do you know about different colors and assocaited personalities?
Me: As a matter of fact I do.
Hb8: Yea i love talking about that kind of stuff
Me: Yea its cool..but I have to go now...how can we continue this conversation in the future?
Hb8: I dont think we should..I have a boyfriend.
Me: I didnt ask you that.
Hb8: I know but still! haha
(I take a step back..wash rinse repeat)
Me: Oh wait a sec..I almost forgot about the shirts...show me where they are?
Hb8: Yea come on!
---Hb8 stands there for 20 minutes while I look at shirts..there are plenty of other customers in the store and her manager keeps looking at her noticing that she is just giving her undivided attention to me
Hb8: So which shirt are you getting?
Me: None! They all look like they have been worn for a year by other people. You know I just moved here and the apartments here are run down. Where do you recommend staying?
HB8: Well where do you live now?
Me: Apartment Name
----Hb8 turns red and keeps herself from laughing
Me: Whats so funny?
Me: Well..now ur gonna have to tell me
Hb8: I live there too actually!
-----A couple of customers ask her for help....so she goes to help them. I walk away just to see if she will follow me. I also notice she is talking to her manager, giggling and smiling.then five minutes
later she finds me!
Me: Woah..are you creeping on me or something??
Hb8: NO! haha..you are the one creeping on me!
Me: Wait a second...(I point to her shoes)..did you get those from North Pole..those look pretty run down
Hb8: No they do not! haha
Me: ohh...wait...is that wig( pointing to her hair)...well it looks good anyway!
Hb8: You are sooo full of yourself..haha
Me: Well I am running really late...I have to go....do you have facebook?
Hb8: Yes I do but I dont use it.
Me: Do you have an email?
Hb8: No...I am not very technology friendly..thats what phones are for
Me: I have to run..nice meeting you...(I offer to shake her hands...BIG FARKING MISTAKE)
Hb8: (Smiles and backs away)..I doooooont thinkkkkk sooo!
This gets my by surprise. I have NEVER had a girl do that to me..but again I have never offered to shake a girls hand either. I figure she spent over an hour following me, so I figured I would respectfully leave her and depart.I was FARKING OWNED. I know I made a mistake by offering my hand but I think things starting doing downhill earlier... what do I need to fix boys? Be harsh...I will take the criticism.