Tonight before going out I practiced my meditation and chilled for a while. Then I went out to a dance class (this is a new thing lately to help me get more in tune with body language and touch). I met a girl on the way in and we talked, dance, had some common interests and she seemed interested. but there were things about her I didn't like so I didn't go for a Number Close...but I did learn something
in a podcast I've been listening to, it talked about how guys lead escalation. we "race" and the girl "paces". I noticed that about the conversation. she was investing emotionally, and seemed to look to me to take things to the next step wherever that might be.
One of the difficult things about doing this is that I realize that body language is very important. When I'm in the venue, I know that people can read so much of my body language when I'm dealing with a girl. They can tell if I'm awkward. They can probably see the mix of emotions-- excitement, holding back, etc...this makes me think I might want to practice out of town some more,too, so I don't spoil my local game. any thoughts on that?
anyways, I enjoyed the flow of the conversation for a while, and even threw in a little Kino, which is progress for me...I usually have a pretty big "personal bubble". after a while I got stuck in my head, and I was having a hard time talking to someone else without being what I considered "rude" to the girl. that's something I need to get past-- I'm bad about finding one person to talk to and then holding on. so I left that place and hopped over to another bar.
as I walked in, I did my best to have good body language and smile. I realize something--when I'm at the bar, I need to be talking to people. I'm usually not good at talking to other guys unless it's about computer stuff...I stood around for a bit looking like an AFC, and then I decided to talk to some guys to build social proof...didn't see a girl to talk to close by and wasn't going to stand around. so I approached. I asked him if he used to work somewhere I worked, and I made up a name of someone I said he looked like...surprisingly that worked as an opener. he was really friendly and started talking about his job, and actually seemed glad to talk about it. pleasant surprise...and then at some point I accidentally said something that he interpreted as cutting him off. so I bounced back to the bar, stood around a minute, and left.
I know these are short but it's taking me a while to build up my ability to be in social situations without completely getting stuck in my head.
what I learned tonight:
*reinforcing the fact that body language matters
*traveling to another town might be a good way to really break out of my shell and try some new stuff without worrying too much
*this is all getting easier every time I go.
*I'm building social endurance...it takes a lot of energy to do all this...but I think it will get easier to stay out of my head longer the more I practice.
* how do you get "unstuck" when you find yourself falling back into your head?
*how long did it take you to build "social endurance"?
Thanks for reading!