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Thread: body language, easy openers, and building endurance

  1. #1
    luciddreamer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default body language, easy openers, and building endurance

    Tonight before going out I practiced my meditation and chilled for a while. Then I went out to a dance class (this is a new thing lately to help me get more in tune with body language and touch). I met a girl on the way in and we talked, dance, had some common interests and she seemed interested. but there were things about her I didn't like so I didn't go for a Number Close...but I did learn something

    in a podcast I've been listening to, it talked about how guys lead escalation. we "race" and the girl "paces". I noticed that about the conversation. she was investing emotionally, and seemed to look to me to take things to the next step wherever that might be.

    One of the difficult things about doing this is that I realize that body language is very important. When I'm in the venue, I know that people can read so much of my body language when I'm dealing with a girl. They can tell if I'm awkward. They can probably see the mix of emotions-- excitement, holding back, etc...this makes me think I might want to practice out of town some more,too, so I don't spoil my local game. any thoughts on that?

    anyways, I enjoyed the flow of the conversation for a while, and even threw in a little Kino, which is progress for me...I usually have a pretty big "personal bubble". after a while I got stuck in my head, and I was having a hard time talking to someone else without being what I considered "rude" to the girl. that's something I need to get past-- I'm bad about finding one person to talk to and then holding on. so I left that place and hopped over to another bar.

    as I walked in, I did my best to have good body language and smile. I realize something--when I'm at the bar, I need to be talking to people. I'm usually not good at talking to other guys unless it's about computer stuff...I stood around for a bit looking like an AFC, and then I decided to talk to some guys to build social proof...didn't see a girl to talk to close by and wasn't going to stand around. so I approached. I asked him if he used to work somewhere I worked, and I made up a name of someone I said he looked like...surprisingly that worked as an opener. he was really friendly and started talking about his job, and actually seemed glad to talk about it. pleasant surprise...and then at some point I accidentally said something that he interpreted as cutting him off. so I bounced back to the bar, stood around a minute, and left.

    I know these are short but it's taking me a while to build up my ability to be in social situations without completely getting stuck in my head.

    what I learned tonight:
    *reinforcing the fact that body language matters
    *traveling to another town might be a good way to really break out of my shell and try some new stuff without worrying too much
    *this is all getting easier every time I go.
    *I'm building social takes a lot of energy to do all this...but I think it will get easier to stay out of my head longer the more I practice.

    * how do you get "unstuck" when you find yourself falling back into your head?
    *how long did it take you to build "social endurance"?

    Thanks for reading!

  2. #2
    lilsting's Avatar
    lilsting is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language, easy openers, and building endurance

    How do you get unstuck? By sticking yourself further into the shit until you break through the other side. You're talking to someone and you start questioning yourself, stay. Tough it out. Learn in the moment and keep pushing forward. Eventually you'll break through to the other side.

    What is social endurance? Is there such a thing as social endurance? Actual endurance is tangible. You can't just wake up and run 10 miles if you're morbidly obese. You can go out and be social though. So what actually is social endurance? It's the ability to not get in your own way. Is it process? It can be. It can also be something that you just do, as difficult as that may sound. My point being it's something that you can choose to change right now, or its something that may take months to do depending on who you are. How long did it take me? I was always social so that was never an issue. Breaking out of my comfort zone is a different story though.

  3. #3
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    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: body language, easy openers, and building endurance

    Consistency builds endurance. It's a marathon not a sprint. When you get in your head, realize the actions matter more than the outcomes, so just open even if you know 100% you will fail.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

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