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Thread: Approach/open 100 times

  1. #1
    Jack100 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Approach/open 100 times

    In order to improve my interpersonal skills, I plan to approach/open 100 times. I rarely go to bars/clubs, so I think I will open girls/females whom I meet in my everyday life. I am prepared to fail 100 times, but for every approach, I will learn a lesson from it. I will post my 100 experiences in this thread. And I want you guys to help me grow.

    1. In the elevator

    It is a woman, around 40 year old. She lives in the same building as me. I meet her in the elevator many times, but I have never talked to her. She is cold, never smiles. Today I met her twice in the elevator, one time at noon and one time in the evening.

    In the evening, when I was in the elevator, the door opened, it was her .
    "I met you twice today, what a coincidence." I said to her.
    "Yeah." She replied to me, no smile.
    "Could you do me a favor?"
    "What?"
    "Can you smile?" I said.
    "You're sick." She got angry.
    After that, she didn't speak any word. Awkward silence until the elevator reached the ground floor.

    I think next time if I meet another girl who is not smiling, I can say,

    "Could you do me a favor"
    "What?"
    "Life is not that serious, could you smile?"
    "No."
    "Thank you, you still did me a favor."
    "Why?"
    "I just wanted to know how people would respond when they were asked to smile by a stranger."
    "..."

    One concern I have is, maybe some years later, like 10 years or 15 years, I will become a famous person, at that time, people will remember me that many years ago I hit on her and she might share the experience with the public and it will smear my positive image in the public. Please advise.

  2. #2
    Jack100 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    2. Open my female flatmate

    I share a big flat with other flatmates. We live in different rooms. We're talents. This evening when I opened my door and was about to go to the bathroom, my female flatmate was also going to enter the bathroom, she was going to fetch the clothes in the washing machine in the bathroom, while I was going to fill my electric kettle from the water spigot. So I had some time to talk to her. We saw each other dozens of times, but we had never talked to each other.

    "Are you from X place?" I asked her, as if I was confirming if my guess was correct.
    "No." She said.
    "Y place?" I asked.
    "No."
    "where are you from?"
    "Z place." She said.
    "That's the furthest place of this city." I said.
    She didn't catch it, so I was trying to explain what I meant.
    Quite lame the conversation was.
    The conversation just continued for like 20 seconds. As I filled my electric kettle, I left the bathroom.

    I didn't stay longer, because I didn't have interesting stuff to say on my mind, so I wanted to cut off the conversation early before the conversation became boring. I thought that since we lived in the same flat, we would have other opportunities to talk. I just wanted her to think I just talked to her casually, I didn't want to pick her up. I didn't want to prematurely convey my potential interest in her.

    In retrospect, when she said her hometown, I should say, "Oh, Z place, I almost went there 4 months ago with my client." Then she probably would ask, "What do you do?" Then I can talk about my job and demonstrate high values.

  3. #3
    SalexZee is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    Keep up the practice man. Only 98 more to go.
    Live life free.

  4. #4
    Jack100 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    3. at Starbucks coffee
    I approached a beautiful girl in Starbucks coffee, I didn't get her number but I talked to her for like 5 minutes, I felt very satisfied because I know that I was expanding my comfort zone, in one word, I am progressing.

    In retrospect, I made 4 mistakes:
    Mistake 1: I didn't get her full attention before I talked to her.
    I should have walked toward her, looking at her eyes, and walk towards her, and pause when I come close enough to her, so she will be aware that I will say something to her and she will be wondering what I will say.

    Mistake 2: I learned forward when I spoke. I should have stood straight and even preferably slightly learn back when I spoke to her.

    Mistake 3: I was very excited. I should not have been excited, I should have been happy and smiling, but I should not have been excited. Excitement is not confidence, and it may cover your unconfidence if you feel unconfident. We subconsciously use "getting excited" to cover our unconfidence. Being excited is not normal and it will make her feel unsafe.

    Mistake 4: I should have spoke a little slowly. Although my volume was high and the speed was not very fast, it would be better if I could have spoke a little slower. Being slow also requires confidence.

    Once again, I felt very good because I did the approach. A beautiful girl is not scary(quite on the contrary, I might scare her), we don't have to be afraid of her, but we definitely need to adjust the way we approach her:
    1. Don't hesitate, look at her eyes, walk towards her at a slow pace, pause when you are close enough to her, so you will get her full attention and she is wondering what you will say to her.

    2. Don't learn forward when you approach. Learn back if possible.

    3. Be friendly, smiling, but don't be excited.

    4. When you speak, speak a little slowly, the volume should not be high, but the volume should be high enough for her to hear you clearly.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    Idk why I've never thought about this, but this is a good way to get better. Try not to go in the set hoping to fail. Go in the Mindset that you're going to get her number. Even if you don't get the number then be glad that you have it your all, just make sure you don't go in like " hey I'm going to fail but at least I tried." Instead go in like " wow, I like her and want her number, if I get it then great and if I don't then I know what I missed and can learn from."
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    Don't be afraid to get excited, just don't over-do it. If you're getting excited it means you at least aren't being awkward. If you stay composed and confident than your excitement should only transfer to her, it is a good thing.

    Why 2 months between your 2nd and 3rd approach?

  7. #7
    Jack100 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    4. On the street

    I approached a beautiful girl on the street this morning. She was walking towards the metro station. I walked close to her(in front of her) and said, "Hello, you are very sweet, I want to know you." She didn't say anything and basically ignored me and walked away, so the approach just lasted for a few seconds.

    Mistakes I think I probably made:

    Mistake 1: I said to her out of blue, her mind was not prepared. This might be a mistake, might not. It would be better if we had some eye contact before I approached her.
    Mistake 2: When I said this to her,I was emotionless/unemotional, which may make her think that I was not meaning what I said.
    Mistake 3: I didn't speak it slowly enough. I think that I should have spoken it intentionally slower than normal speed, but it may require more confidence, which may mean that my confidence was not strong enough indeed.

  8. #8
    Jack100 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    5. On the street

    I approached another beautiful girl this morning on the street. She was on the phone and I overheard that she was looking for direction. I walked in front of her, asked if she was looking for direction, she asked what was the direction to XX community. I told her where it is, then I said to her,"You are very beautiful, I want to know you. My name is XXX. Your name is ..." She was smiling, and said, "No, no need. I am looking for a job here."

    This time I feel I didn't do anything wrong. I was not excited, and I was smiling, and I didn't learn forward. Well, I think I should have spoken slowly when I said "You're beautiful, I want to know you." If I said it slowly, she would feel that I really meant it and I was serious. But I said it very casually, I don't know it it was good.

  9. #9
    Trickstar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    I don't know, that I want to know you thing is kind of creepy to me. I'd comment on a particular aspect (I normally use hair or eyes) and neg her depending on her facial expression and then introduce myself "I'm Trickstar." and typically do a formal hand shake which tends to get a giggle and the girl responding with her name and then strike a longer conversation. I myself have a problem number closing this way so I tend to get their name and add them on Facebook. From there I start a conversation and tell them to text me. I have trouble coming up for a reason for them to give me their number on the spot because I tend to be indirect when it comes to getting the number.

  10. #10
    Jack100 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Approach/open 100 times

    6. On the street

    I approached a girl on the street this noon. She was alone. I am shortsighted, I walked toward her, when I was close enough to her, I found that she was not that beautiful. Anyway, since I decided to approach her, I did it anyway. I said to her, "Hi, how are you? You are very beautiful, I want to know you." She rejected me straight away, "No need." We then parted ways.
    I am thinking how I can improve my approach so I can do better next time.
    First, I think before I speak to her, there should be a noticeable pause which enables her to build anticipation, she will wonder what I will do and what I will say to her.
    Second, when I speak to her, I should intentionally speak it slower than I normally speak, in this way, I can convey my confidence. Also I should be friendly and sincere.

    I always use direct approach, because it is much easier than Indirect Approach. Does anyone have a high success rate with direct approach on the street?

    I don't know if being direct on the street works for me, I don't want to draw any premature conclusion,I need to practice more to see the result, however, no matter what the results are, this practice can definitely improve my confidence and expand my comfort zone so I won't feel any nervous when I take the initiative to talk to any unknown woman.


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