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Thread: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

  1. #11
    SCooper2031 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Yeah man, I gotta say you got way too upset over not getting laid. Your complaint sounded like jealousy. Eliminate it now. What a girl does with guys is really irrelevant. Take advantage of how they enjoy sex. Don't get angry at other guys for getting laid. Thats a bad Mindset

  2. #12
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Your sexual frustration for not getting laid straight away clouded your judgement. It was first time you guys met. It's not a big deal. Follow T-Mals advice and she will come back around.

    Don't ask for any explanation, you don't need it and she is not accountable to you. That will pressurize her and make you come off as needy. You shouldn't give a fark if she flaked or not. You had a great night together, be happy. Hang ten for a bit. Then start texting her some interesting or funny things with no pressure and like nothing happened. Definately do not make it an issue - because frankly, it is not an issue. You could send her something like 'You should check this out, it's so funny!!!!' and then forward her a humoress picture, story, GIF or whatever. Or go to the beach anyway with your buds and take a picture of the flat waves 'No big surf today, we had to leave the tow-in jetskis at home Maybe I should move to Hawaii??' or 'It's so windy and rainy today, I opened my umbrella before and almost blew away like a paraglider!! Take care if you head outside ok haha' or 'Hey what was the name of that song you were talking about the other night? I'm downloading some music and will look for it' or 'You have been sleeping for 72 hours?? ' or 'have you been abducted by aliens?? '. Go back to being fun and positive full of 100% confidence and don't give a sh!t about her frame. Talk to some other girls to take your mind off it.

    If she starts responding, slowly escalate it back up. I wouldn't try and force comfort stories. Just be natural and get to know her better. She knows you want to get into her pants already and she is attracted to you but she may not know much else about you and might want a stronger intellectual connection (you're not Elvis yet - you're just another guy). Building comfort could simply be listening to her (ask her questions that make her open up about life, family, passions, relationships, travel, interests etc) and then occasionally between listening to her stories link yourself together 'Oh me too, I love golden retrievers...even if they turn into big, goofy blobs of fur!! ' or 'Yeah you're sisters great, we're all sad she's leaving. My family is close too. I'm really lucky, my parents still act like teenage lovers'. You don't have to talk about saving the world. Just subtley remind her of your attractive virtues and potential as a great boyfriend (good job, stable family background, passion for life, positive attitude). You don't have to say much at all. Just get her opening up and then be a good listener. When she is back laughing at your texts or being interactive, hit her up for the next date. Perhaps don't say 'come over to my place' - go out somewhere first. She's also young. You're the slightly older 'mature' guy so be exactly that. Lead the situation rather than being reactionary to her, because that is being immature.

    Possibly she really was tired, or drank too much, or it's her period. Don't be too hard on yourself or her.
    Wow, that was exactly what I needed. Thank you man. I didn't want to think so negatively - I've been doing really well with eating right, working out on a consistent basis for a month now, forming closer bonds with family members I've historically butt heads with, etc. etc. and this situation threw me for a loop.

    But the specific examples of what to say give me The Vibe and impression I want to give to her that I've been looking for. And is it okay to fib a little when it comes to your parents' relationship or that jetskis aren't in your repertoire of fun stuff to do? Because I don't have 'em lol.

    I'll put this into practice today but I'll be really low-key, get to know her, listen, establish a frame for her to chase, and follow T-Mal's kinda freezeout advice. I'll keep this updated. Thanks again, this was uplifting.

  3. #13
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Eugh... Alright I'm pretty embarrassed by this entire interaction so far, but I've learned a few lessons which I'll sum up at the end. For now, I'm going to post this awful job I did for all to see, so that maybe in the future, another rookie sees this and does not make the same mistake of trying too hard. WELL YOU GUYS, HERE GOES!

    Tuesday Morning

    3:03AM (When she gave me her number as I walked her to her door) Hey sexy pants, it's Hutch

    (She invited ME to the beach so I text her at 9am)
    9:00AM

    Me: Good morning, rise and shine

    No answer for about an hour...

    Me 9:57AM: So you might be completely knocked out from last night (wouldn't surprise me you ltitle squirt gun ) but I'm pretty tired too. Let's have a picnic instead at noon and have a little more time to sleep. Holla back so I know I didn't put you into a coma :P

    Ended up not texting me back within an hour so I went out, ran errands, went to the mall and bought some work clothes, then she texts me as I'm leaving the mall.

    Her (1:18PM): I'm sorry I've been sleeping this whole time. I'm so exhausted I haven't slept much in 2 weeks. I'll text you in a bit.

    Her (7:58PM): Hey
    Me (10:31PM): Hey what's up
    Her(10:40PM): Watching tv. You?
    Me (10:58PM): Just got out the shower and playing with Wallace. Slept in til 1 and now you're watching tv huh? Sounds like at least 1 of us was productive today
    Her (11:01PM): Whose Wallace? Yeah I literally did nothing I was so tired
    Me (11:12PM): --Scruffy, smiley picture of my dog Wallace looking at the camera-- My puyppy Wallace in all his glory
    Her (11:15PM): Awwww my brothers last name is Wallace
    Me (11:24PM): Yeah so you like animals? Or just dogs?
    Her 11:25PM): I like all animals I have a pet rat named tin man
    Me 11:31PM): Whoa. Does that mean you have a cat named The Wizard?
    Me (11:47PM): I'm actually going to go to bed soon, I'm not feeling well
    Her (11:48PM): Sorry I had to drive to the store real quick but ok I hope you feel better

    Wednesday
    Me (12:08AM) Thanks. Goodnight <-- Note, I actually just didn't feel confident enough at the time to keep this going. I'm noobie as hell, coming out of a long funk of being single and letting my social skills rust; please don't judge, just please help me get better...

    Me (3:34PM): Hey I met your twin at the mall yesterday
    Her (3:42PM): You did?
    Her (6:07PM): ? <--Note, I was at work and couldn't respond until a break.
    Me (6:58PM): Sorry I've been working this whole time. Yeah her name was Jess 00 any relation? She looked a lot like you , very pretty but way cooler :P
    Her (7:02PM): Nope she's way cooler?
    Me (7L05PM): She was awkward - definitely not as confident as you so I was like alright nice talking to you peace out girl scout. She didn't know that meant bye haha <--Note, I skimmed the "Twin" routine and this is what I came up with on the fly.
    Her (7:06PM): Hahaha that's funny
    Me (7:08PM): Thanks. Yeah sorry about last night I really didn't feel good. I cuddled with Wallace and watched Netflix. Slept 12 hours traight and was still a zombie! <-- Note, These 3 texts at this time looking back feels like where I really messed up. Not only because she didn't respond but because like an idiot, I didn't only take a risk but I took a huge risk jumping the gun trying to allude to something that happened the night we hung out rather than build comfort as I've been reading. I thought she'd at least respond in a negative way so I could get the clue and re-calibrate, but she so far hasn't.

    Me (7:08PM): I think you might've infected me when you sunk your teeth into my neck...
    Me: (7:10PM): And by that I mean zombie infected, not like... cooties. But I bet you have those too

    <--Note, Yeah, I'm pretty embarrassed lol.

    So there you have it. That was Wednesday night, and Thursday I figured I wouldn't text her since I sent 3 texts in rapid fire with no response. I know sending them was a gamble because of how -- I don't know, provocative? They were....

    Though while re-typing this to you guys, it doesn't seem as bad as I originally thought just straight looking at the texts. I feel now like she was actually genuine in not responding to me going to the beach on Tuesday. But hey, I'm new so maybe I'm wrong. I also feel like I could've done a lot better with the next texts, and had I had more experience with everything, I could've actually seen her tonight or planned something for this weekend. I know I should be focusing on reference experiences and talking to more girls but I genuinely like this one, and it would be a shame to lose her just because I was trying too hard and using routines on her that I'm not very familiar with.

    I don't know if any of you read my intro but I used to be a natural as a kid but to be honest, as I got older, I smoked too much weed, and partied too much and I feel like I've gotten realllllly rusty. I've quit smoking but I still drink on occassion and at this point in my life where I'm 25, I feel like I'm not getting any younger and I better fix this quick before I lose everything I've ever known due to memory loss in regards to my natural game. I wish I could turn back time but now I'm just doing the best I can with what I have. I posted this embarrassing text interaction in the hopes that, through forcing myself to let others view it, I could glean as much knowledge and wisdom as I can from you all, so please, if you're giving me tough love that's fine but don't take advantage of the situation. I'm trying really hard and I know that I'm going to make some (perhaps big) mistakes along the way to remembering and learning all of this material. Thanks for reading; I look forward to your responses.

    Current game plan: IF she doesn't text me again, I'm going to say the, "Where have you been? Did you get abducted by aliens? " line to get started. After that, unless otherwise convinced, I'm completely done being fake and using routines. I know they help a lot of people who memorize them well, but from my experiences as a young person I'd rather put my nose to the grind stone and do this the hard and natural way. As a side note, if anyone reading this is willing to give consultation from 1-2 hours of your time, please PM me. I need to get this handled and I've floundered way too long.

  4. #14
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    It's not terrible but you do come across very eager and are not getting her to open up much. Granted there are gaps in the convo due to sleep.

    I suppose a couple of things:
    1) I would not have organised a beach date early the very next day.
    2) if she wasn't responding to texts much early in the week I wouldn't chase, I'd leave her be for a bit. I would do other stuff and then ask her out later in the week directly.
    3) If I was a rookie I would be wary of using lines like I saw your twin, she was cooler than you. I would ask her specific questions about her life that encourages her to talk and opens up new questions I can ask that form a thread or that she will ask you. Everything in the convo is very abstract without reinforcing your virtues. I would avoid assumptions about her or being too reactionary to her and not bounce between too many canned lines. Just use canned openers occasionally as a backup plan.
    4) If you really are sick and say it, drop off convo and freeze yourself out. Then she will be encouraged to initiate with empathy 'are you ok? Are you feeling better?' later. If your not really sick don't say it. Show your healthy and strong.
    5) never say sorry to a girl unless you truly did something bad like fed her rat to your dog etc.
    6) don't be afraid to boast about yourself if you have attractive talents. 'I'm thinking about buying a new guitar, red or black color?'.
    7) the zombie infected line could be viewed as creepy. Oops!

    I would not open with another canned opener. I would ignore her for a while, game other girls and if she does not initiate in a while then hit her up with either a direct hook up proposal or something that makes her smile. You already have met her and kissed her so you don't have to continually try impress her all the time. It's ok to be serious. Not every line has to be a joke. She may be confused thinking your 1 dimensional. Weed won't make a difference, look at Jack Nicholson. It's because you have developed feelings for her that's putting you off. You have to not give a sh!t.

  5. #15
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Thanks for the detailed response. This all sounds good to me, but I have a few questions:*First question is: Based on the little interaction we had, I felt like it was my lack of initiative that made the convo suffer and go nowhere, not her lack of interest. Having said that, it's Friday and we haven't spoke since Wednesday. Is my game plan to say something to her on Sunday a good one, or is that stretching it too far into the future? I get the idea she'll be surprised to hear from me after such a long silence. I'd imagine that's almost bad in like a, "I thought we were done" kind of way. Am I wrong in that? Hell I'll say hey anyway but I'm just wondering what's a good amount of time. Finally, when you say a direct hook up proposal, do you mean to literally in the first text say, hey let's meet up and skip the small talk and comfort building and hook up physically like a booty call? It just seemed like you were saying to have a conversation and get to know her at first in your response, but now may be saying I should go directly in for an overt invite to get coffee or something. Can you clarify that point? Thanks again so much for your help. This is awesome!

  6. #16
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Well obviously I don't know all the details of you two but ask yourself if you have said anything to her that makes her feel special? Like 'I can still smell your perfume...' or something that makes her feel unique. Asking her directly now would be simply bringing it to a boil. I wouldn't ask for a booty call if you haven't had much convo and she didn't put out 1st night so it would be doubtful she'll say yes but if you said 'would you like to meet for a drink or dinner' somewhere interesting she has to force her hand. If she flakes you know absolutely she has buyers remorse and you waste no time. Or you can try build attraction and rapport again back to a healthy level. Most girls I write to rarely initiate, I have to always bellow the flames. The main thing is not to over think it. Be yourself buy it sounds like she's lost some interest. The culprits for that are that the connection between you was never strengthened by your convo after the night out or she has other guys in her life.


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