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Thread: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

  1. #1
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    I went out to a co-worker's going away party which was a dinner party at a Chinese restaurant. Before it began, she came into our work which is right next door to say hey. She brought her cousin who's gorgeous and I found out after the fact that she was trying to set us up. So I met them there after work and we had a good time. I completely hit it off with her cousin who's a few years younger (20 and I'm 25) and proceeded to plan to go into Boston to grab a drink with her. By the time people started filing out of the Chinese restaurant though, and there were only a few core people left, it was already 12:30 so I said let's go back to my place and have a glass of wine outside on my patio. She loved the sound of it so we went.

    Long story short, we did everything except go all the way. When she'd resist I'd sort of do one-step back, two-steps forward. Correct me if I'm wrong but a girl is much more likely to see you again and also consider you boyfriend material the sooner you have sex. I tried for it but she said because she liked me and didn't want to spoil it and never see me again, she didn't want to go all the way. Funny logic huh? You have sex with the guys you don't give a shit about but refuse with the guys who are "smooth", handsome and leaving her speechless which is what she would say after some lines I'd deliver. Don't worry, had she said "No", I would've definitely stopped. But all she kept saying was, "I should go" because it was getting late.

    Earlier in the night she said let's go to the beach tomorrow since it's both our days off. I agreed and then I dropped her off at 3:30 am. I told her I'd call her at 9 am. I got up, she didn't answer my text or call. I wrote a second text saying let's have a picnic instead for noon. She didn't respond until 1pm saying Sorry, she slept the whole day through to 1pm and hasn't slept much in two weeks. I'll text you in a bit she says and right now it's 5pm and nothing.

    My questions to you:
    The honest truth of what, if anything, did I do wrong?
    If so is that why she flaked?
    Did I ruin it by pushing the physicality to the point where there's no mystery for her left to want?
    How should I respond besides not texting her any more until maybe 2 days from now if she doesn't say anything.

    I guess I'll have my answer if she doesn't respond, but she seemed REALLY into me by the way she was speaking and acting. I rarely have a girl this head-over-heels to the point where she gets embarrassed that she can't even formulate a response to my smooth-talking she was so hot and bothered. Not bragging but she literally looked like a 50's girl at an Elvis concert lol. Thanks guys!

    P.S. Sorry this isn't very well-written and proof-read. I have to make dinner so I had to type it up quick... and because I'm stumped and kind of feeling down about it. Any meaningful answers would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Pull back a bit now... Don't chase.
    Don't completely freeze her out, but don't make her a priority either.

    You encountered LMR & buyer's remorse.
    Keep a delicate hand on the situation.

    Use lots of push-pull & flirting, yet mix it up with subconscious messages that you might be putting HER in the friend zone.
    Give her lots of mixed signals...

    Show interest, then go silent for several hours.

    Get her hooked with fun texts in rapid fire reply mode, then suddenly go silent for a longer period of time... And wait for her to send a 2nd unanswered text before you reply.

    This is totally "game 101"


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Thanks for the timely response, T-Mal! Haha it may be Game 101 but at least I'm getting results without even knowing half this stuff. What stumps me is what to say next. Because if I say, "Oh it's okay derka dur" that sounds very Beta to me and wouldn't that be establishing the frame for me to get blown off in the future since I'm making it sound acceptable?

    Or do I say something to the effect of, "Yeah that's not cool. I have standards and blowing me off isn't acceptable." This also doesnt sound too good because it almost sounds whiney and over-reactive. Is there a middle ground or third response I'm not seeing? Do I just completely forget about it and go straight into flirting? Also, when you lay down that order of things to do from your post, how long does this go on for? A few days? A week? I'll be sure to look up buyer's remorse and get an elaborate definition. I know what it means but in the context of PU I dont think I know what mistake i made to the fullest extent. Thanks again for such a timely and informative response.

    This is great but it definitely hurts when a girl tells you how much she likes you, making you feel like you pulled all the right move, then the next day doesn't even seem the slightest bit interested in getting to know you any more.

  4. #4
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    P.S. To add to that, the last thing I said was that she said she'd "text me in a bit" and that was 8 hours ago. How am I supposed to segue into and begin Push-Pull if she still hasn't responded? Do I wait a day or two or something before texting her if she doesn't respond? Or should I just do it now, same day, and act like nothing happened?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    I think after you had encountered LMR you went too soon looking for answers i think. You questioned her and probably set her in a logical mood throwing off the mood. Maybe i read it wrong but thats what it sounds like to me. I personally wouldnt ask for the answer if i really wanted sex. Her answer is irrelevant. I would have gamed her to chase me. Which is what you should be doing now more so by pullig back.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    I think after you had encountered LMR you went too soon looking for answers i think. You questioned her and probably set her in a logical mood throwing off the mood. Maybe i read it wrong but thats what it sounds like to me. I personally wouldnt ask for the answer if i really wanted sex. Her answer is irrelevant. I would have gamed her to chase me. Which is what you should be doing now more so by pullig back.
    Okay. That's great and all but again, what is the first thing I say now? She blew me off today and finally after 8 hours she just texted me with "Hey". Should I go straight into Push-Pull and ignore what happened today, or what? Once I know what to do next, I'm fairly confident I can breathe some life back into this. I just don't know what the first move is.

    Also, where did I look too soon for answers? I don't see in the OP any point where I questioned her. Can you elaborate?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    You just needed more comfort if she is giving your LMR. If you escalate and she resists, then take a step back and get her to invest more in you. Tell her deep comfort stories about yourself. Try again after a few minutes, if she resists again, repeat the cycle until you have sex or just go to sleep and have sex with her in the morning. You dropped her off at 3:30 am and you said you would call her at 9am? That's a little early since she went home late and it's reasonable that she overslept. Don't want to say when you will call or text. Just send a ping text and confirm the date because she may be busy (or asleep) when you call.
    Elevate Your Game | Check out my blog for lay reports, attraction and dancefloor game tips !

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  8. #8
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Quote Originally Posted by WillEdward View Post
    You just needed more comfort if she is giving your LMR. If you escalate and she resists, then take a step back and get her to invest more in you. Tell her deep comfort stories about yourself. Try again after a few minutes, if she resists again, repeat the cycle until you have sex or just go to sleep and have sex with her in the morning. You dropped her off at 3:30 am and you said you would call her at 9am? That's a little early since she went home late and it's reasonable that she overslept. Don't want to say when you will call or text. Just send a ping text and confirm the date because she may be busy (or asleep) when you call.
    True about it being early. But I'm new to game, and since she invited me to the beach enthusiastically, I thought she'd be looking forward to the call. When you say "Tell her deep comfort stories about yourself," what exactly do you mean by deep comfort stories?

    I've read a little about building comfort but is a comfort story about yourself something that helps reinforce her trust in you? Like a story about you being a worthy friend or saving someone's life? Or maybe that you're a protector and look out for people? Are those some examples? I've just never heard that term before. Good stuff though, thanks for the response man!

    Should I ask for an explanation as to what happened today, or should I just ignore it and start Push-Pull and flirting? I just don't know what to start off with!

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Your sexual frustration for not getting laid straight away clouded your judgement. It was first time you guys met. It's not a big deal. Follow T-Mals advice and she will come back around.

    Don't ask for any explanation, you don't need it and she is not accountable to you. That will pressurize her and make you come off as needy. You shouldn't give a fark if she flaked or not. You had a great night together, be happy. Hang ten for a bit. Then start texting her some interesting or funny things with no pressure and like nothing happened. Definately do not make it an issue - because frankly, it is not an issue. You could send her something like 'You should check this out, it's so funny!!!!' and then forward her a humoress picture, story, GIF or whatever. Or go to the beach anyway with your buds and take a picture of the flat waves 'No big surf today, we had to leave the tow-in jetskis at home Maybe I should move to Hawaii??' or 'It's so windy and rainy today, I opened my umbrella before and almost blew away like a paraglider!! Take care if you head outside ok haha' or 'Hey what was the name of that song you were talking about the other night? I'm downloading some music and will look for it' or 'You have been sleeping for 72 hours?? ' or 'have you been abducted by aliens?? '. Go back to being fun and positive full of 100% confidence and don't give a sh!t about her frame. Talk to some other girls to take your mind off it.

    If she starts responding, slowly escalate it back up. I wouldn't try and force comfort stories. Just be natural and get to know her better. She knows you want to get into her pants already and she is attracted to you but she may not know much else about you and might want a stronger intellectual connection (you're not Elvis yet - you're just another guy). Building comfort could simply be listening to her (ask her questions that make her open up about life, family, passions, relationships, travel, interests etc) and then occasionally between listening to her stories link yourself together 'Oh me too, I love golden retrievers...even if they turn into big, goofy blobs of fur!! ' or 'Yeah you're sisters great, we're all sad she's leaving. My family is close too. I'm really lucky, my parents still act like teenage lovers'. You don't have to talk about saving the world. Just subtley remind her of your attractive virtues and potential as a great boyfriend (good job, stable family background, passion for life, positive attitude). You don't have to say much at all. Just get her opening up and then be a good listener. When she is back laughing at your texts or being interactive, hit her up for the next date. Perhaps don't say 'come over to my place' - go out somewhere first. She's also young. You're the slightly older 'mature' guy so be exactly that. Lead the situation rather than being reactionary to her, because that is being immature.

    Possibly she really was tired, or drank too much, or it's her period. Don't be too hard on yourself or her.

  10. #10
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Exactly what happened with this girl? It looked perfect at first

    Whitedragon pretty much said everything i wanted to say to clear up my point.

    At this point I 'd move onto getting her to meet up again. Remind her through text what a great guy you are. I wouldn't try sexually escalating too much via text. Keep it light and playful. Once you get her to meet up try again.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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