I've been in a relationship for awhile but my girlfriend recently went to Africa with the peace corps for two years. I told her that I wasn't going to stay celibate for that long so we broke up. I had mixed feeling on this. On one hand I was super stoked to get back out there and be with different women. On the other hand she was super awesome, good in bed, and cooked me breakfast AND dinner whenever she stayed over at my house. That's ok though, she'll be back in two years.
I'm a graduate student and I teach classes at the university. I had this attractive girl as a student last semester who gave me HUGE ioi's. I decided, now that she's not my student and I'm newly single, that I would get her number when I saw her next. Last week I was working in my office when she walked by so I ran out, got her attention, and she came into my office. The conversation was as follows.
Me: Hey Beth how's it going!
Her: I'm doing good, you?!
Me: blah blah. Give me your number. My phone died so write it down on this piece of paper.
Her: Ok (writes down her number)
She then looks a little puzzled. She's obviously nervous and doesn't know what to say so I say
Me: I noticed you gave me allot of signals last semester but you were my student and that's not allowed. Now that you're not my student it's not a problem.
Her: Oh. I'm sorry if I gave you signals but I'm not interested. I have a boyfriend...that I live with.
Me: Oh okay. You have good night.
Her: You too!
Honestly I was super nervous. This was a former student and I hadn't done this before. I'm sure she picked up on this but it had been a long time since I approached a woman with intent to bring it further. I was also very surprised she shot me down. I'm very good at reading body language and this girl is definitely attracted to me.
I was curious if she was telling me the truth so after she left I looked her up on social media. Low and behold she had a boyfriend. It also appeared like he did, indeed, live with her. I didn't get a real brush off. She was being honest. This brought me to some revelations that I think newbies need to realize.
1. If you don't use it, you lose it. I know what I'm doing but I'm obviously a little rusty. This manifested itself in how nervous I was. I haven't been that nervous in a LONG time. Hell I barely ever get nervous, period.
2. A girl can be attracted to you yet still be unavailable. This girl is definitely into me but she's unavailable and even if she wants to get out, she lives with the guy. This is a bad situation for her to get involved with someone else.
3. The butterflies never go away. That feeling you get in your stomach when you approach a girl never goes away. You just need to deal with it and do it anyways. When I was single and approaching more women the butterflies were allot less but they were always there. It's not going away so stop avoiding and start doing.
4. To win you need to fail. I failed but you know what? I just made a seriously ballsy attempt and I pulled the trigger right away. I had no hesitation and ever since this has happened my confidence has been way higher. I had nothing before so I didn't lose anything!
I know I could have done better but it also wasn't the worst approach. I'm just happy I pulled the trigger right away and took a chance. Ten years ago I would have never done this! I realize now I shouldn't have gone direct, but if I hadn't gone direct I could have wasted allot of time. Also, I don't want to get involved with a girl who has a live in boyfriend. Being direct saved me from this situation. I live in a small town. There's plenty of attractive single women I can be with.
I've been super happy and pumped every since this interaction. Don't let failure get in your way. Even guys who have been with allot of women fail more often then they succeed. The difference is that they aren't afraid to fail. Cheers!