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Thread: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

  1. #1
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    Default Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    I get a lot of guys telling me that I don't understand the basics of pickup because I'm friends with girls that I find attractive, and yet don't try to fuck them. Now, to be fair to them, this does sound rather counter-intuitive. But to be fair to me, these are generally girls I'm not particularly compatible with- a few are lesbians, a few are 1000+ miles away (although I love talking to them and learning from them because they are cool people), some are married, some have kids, etc.

    Well, tonight I reaffirmed that I was on the right path. Several weeks ago, I went out with a girl more than 10 years my junior. It was a dutch date, although our night out cost into the low 4-figures. It was just an extravagant thing that we both wanted to do and decided we'd rather pay our own way to go together than bother with anyone else. It was a great time. Lots of laughs, a few great memories, but it was really just a night out with a close friend.

    But after that, one of my FB's stopped texting me. She went cold for a few weeks. I felt like she may have been jealous, but we already had the polyamory talk, she has a new bf, so instead of freaking out, I just kind of ignored things and let them roll.

    Well tonight was funny. I had the day off from work. I was bored, I wasn't going to go out on a Monday night. I succumbed. Around 9pm, I flipped on a few pornos, I had a massive erection, my dick with in my hand, I'm pumping away, and suddenly, I get a text from my FB asking if I'm around cuz she has 20 minutes to kill in my area. I agree. I jump in the shower and I turned it on, cold as hell. When she finally got here, I was super nervous. I was expecting some awkward break up speech. We hung out awkwardly for a little bit and she asked if she could have a drink. I didn't have anything to her liking so we popped over to the liquor store and she bought a bottle. It was about then that I got out of my head. I started being silly and fun and carefree. We got back to my place and I continued The Vibe. She handed me a gram of a substance which will not be named, but it's sort of like oregano. Then she gave me head (she was on her period) and then she left.

    After that, I was feeling better, a lot less nervous. Kinda bored too. I got on FB and hit up a few female friends. I guess I just wanted to banter a bit and be a cool guy. The friend of mine from the "million dollar date" was on and I started chatting with her and a few other girlfriends of mine. I was kind of high at this point. I'd already gotten my rocks off. Mostly, I just wanted to have some cool conversations and a few laughs and maybe flirt a bit. I told my girl friend what happened earlier and said that I had the munchies and I apologized to her because I just then realized that I had totally blanked out on the fact that we were supposed to go together to see a movie tonight. She said she'd forgotten too and it was cool. It was 2am. I suggested we go out and grab something to eat. I picked her up. We went to a 24 hour diner. We would up dancing and shaking our asses as we waited for our table and laughing like silly kids. Then we sat down and talked about life, talked about how my night went, I told her the details. She picked up the tab for dinner, I drove her home and we did donuts in the parking lot in the freshly fallen snow and she gave me a huge hug as I dropped her off.

    That was my night. A bj, some weed, several fun conversations with female friends. No judgment. No hiding what I'm doing. I got what I needed and even managed to have an unexpected, relaxed dinner afterwards with a friend. And my total expenditure for the entire night was less than $20. All in all, a pretty satisfying night.


    Now some guys will point out, "Wouldn't you feel better if you were banging her too?" And I'll concede that the answer is yes. But does she add a lot to my life and make me a better and happier person? Does she take care of me in a genuinely 50/50 manner? support me? Help me when I'm having troubles? Is she always there for me? Does she watch my apartment when I go out of town and always act conduct herself like my partner when in my presence? Yes, she absolutely does. And in my eyes, that's worth something. It's worth a lot, actually. She's one of the people in my life who I can truly count on and I'm not too concerned with screwing that up... not so long as there's other girls around who want to come over and give me head. Yes, I can see that it'd be a major frustration for me if I were coming from a place of scarcity, if my love life weren't as varied and amusing as hers, but we're pretty equal in that regard, so I really don't have any place to be jealous. It's fine. I treasure our friendship. And as long as she doesn't cock block me, she's more than welcome to remain in my life.

    Anyway, that's a little bit about how I view social circle game. It's all about making genuine connections with a lot of people and just adding to that, any girl who wants to join your harem. If they don't that's fine too. You are complete. They are special in your eyes. They are with you because you give them value. But you do not require their validation.

    Now, I'm not suggesting you always expect girls to buy you stuff (however, I really think that if I wanted to be a cheapskate, I totally could float by on female generosity!). The point is, sometimes spending time with you is valuable enough to a girl that buying a bottle, or buying a dinner is a fair price to pay. The one girl said to me, "Sure, I could have done this ($1000+) date with some guy who could afford to take me, but then he'd be all grabbing at me, being annoying and awkward, and it just wouldn't have been fun, so I'd much rather go with you and pay my own way. Truth be told, I wouldn't have paid to take a girl on that date. I'm not rich like that. But it's just something I really wanted to do, she sensed it, agreed it would be fun, and so she ponied up the bucks to go with me and make it a "date". The other girl brings me over a bottle or whatever from time to time or whatever.

    Part of the trick to getting good at social circle game is that you recognize when you should pay, when you should tell her to pay, and when it's best to go dutch. If you don't run social circle game this way, you'll either find yourself surrounded by fake friends and gold-diggers, or run out of money. Pfft. Forget that. These girls are real friends. I have no issues whatsoever with telling them that I'll go out with them, but they need to pay... even the ones hooking up with me. I'm my own person, I'm on my own purpose, my money goes where it goes because I have things that I do. If you want to hang out with me, it's got to more or less balance out on the ledger. And if you're not hooking up with me, then I'd say it's got to fall even a littler farther than that in my favor, whether financially, or in some other area where she improves my life.

    Sure, a true master PUA will come along and tell me that I should have 100 girls exactly like this who are ALSO sleeping with me. But the truth is, I probably only go out one night a week because of my schedule. I also find that I do better in pickup when I have a bunch of wonderful cool fun and exciting girls surrounding me whenever I go out. So I take the good with the bad and accept some cool friendships, and intersperse them with my girls who hook up with. And I'm never in short supply of either these days. And I feel pretty good about that.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    This is great stuff ..... GOOD FOR YOU, do things on your own terms, who are we trying to impress anyway ......, and for the record I have female friends that are just dinner companions or drinking buddies and it's great that the whole trying to sleep with them doesn't get in the way of having a good time and the great thing is I can shoot them a text or email at anytime to go out and they are usually ready to go. I had a work dinner a couple of weeks ago and instead of going through all the work and effort of looking for a date, I called one of my friends and we had a great time with no drama and nonsense, so keep them female friends around, they are useful ...... as a side I always keep a bottle of sparkling Moscato in the fridge ..... girls always seem to dig it
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    This is why I seldom offer advice to guys who come here getting frustrated because a girl doesn't return his texts or whatever. The truth is, they're acting from a position of severe scarcity. I can pick up my phone and have as many as a half dozen (maybe more) girls show up just by directly asking. Believe me, I completely and totally understand that it's not the same with a new girl you've never hung out with before, but in my view The Vibe you want to give off with that girl is the same as the one you give off when you text your female bestie and say, "Hey. I'm here. You should really stop by..." Who knows? Maybe she's fucking another dude at that moment and can't make it. That's just her life and her schedule. But if she can find a way out there, she generally will because she actually cares about you and wants to spend time with you. Don't think for a second that we don't "game" these girls just like we game the ones we're actively trying to sleep with. Absolutely, we send fun texts to them, call them endearing names, and probably tease the living hell out of them. That's all game. But we also stop and get to know them as people. And that's why they show up when we text them. So I don't often respond to forum posts asking about text game, because if you need text game, you're doing it wrong. lol. I text girls all the time... to meet up and have a fun time. That's the vibe I give off, and that's also the reality I maintain. I have girls on Tinder that I've added to FB and I haven't even messaged them once... because the things I'm doing and the things they're doing haven't meshed. One day though, when I'm in their town, and have a crazy idea, sure I'll text them and invite them. It's like a friends thing. And odds are, if they aren't fucking some other dude at that exact moment, they'll show up to finally meet me. Text game, to me, is rather silly. It's just for setting up dates and times, nothing more, really. That's basically how I run my game. When it comes to actually meeting people, it's all about being a cool guy who's not too concerned with hooking up. That's why I'll let things percolate for awhile if the logistics aren't right.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  5. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    Blackbird, I'm wondering how old you are because the things you are saying is the stuff you hear from older guys with more life experience.
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  6. #5
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    I'm 37, man. So yeah, older for sure... not that anybody has ever called me old. LOL

    Most people I meet think I'm about 26-30. It's mostly in how I act and carry myself.



    As they say, growing old is mandatory, but growing up is entirely optional.



    Speaking of which, there's a girl at work. I think she's 20. She's really digging me. And then it dawns on me, holy crap, this girl is really close to being half my age... On the one hand, that's sorta pervy. On the other hand, it's sort of hot.. haha. One thing I do know, is that you gotta laugh at things.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  7. #6
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    well, at least your honest, Bro! your not trying to be someone your really now so you have my respect. thats probably why these women dig you cuz ur not hiding behind some mask acting like your rich n famous like some guys do.

  8. #7
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    That's pretty funny .....I'm 47, look young for my age, everybody thinks I'm in my early thirties and are totally surprised when I tell them how old I really am. I'm definitely never going to grow up and refuse to grow old, my last girlfriend was 25 and an HB9 , I'm now seeing a 27 year old Swedish stewardess ....... the funny thing is I have an 18 year old daughter from my first marriage so I'm thinking maybe I'll have to start going after some older girls ....... or maybe not, I seem to get along really well with the twenty year olds ... LoL
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  9. #8
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam12 View Post
    well, at least your honest, Bro! your not trying to be someone your really now so you have my respect. thats probably why these women dig you cuz ur not hiding behind some mask acting like your rich n famous like some guys do.
    Hey, thanks man! But actually, I do act like I'm rich and famous. I often refer to myself in the third person as "The Benny" and sometimes I refuse to acknowledge people who do not put "The" in front of my name.

    As you can see, I'm a very self-amused person and most of my asshole-ness is over the top and I make it fun. The goal is to make them kow-tow to you and do what you say, while simultaneously making it so ridiculous that it's actually fun for them to buy into.

    Even my bosses at work now call me "The Benny". All of them. That's my name. I expect it.


    What I think you're really trying to say is that I'm self-amused and have a solid frame... meaning that I basically set out the rules for the interactions early on in kind of a take-it-or-leave-it fashion. It'd be like a famous movie star meeting you and saying, "We can totally hook up, but you have to treat me like crap and call me a whore." If she demanded that of you, you'd do it just to spend time with her, right? You'd be like "This is totally worth it!" and you'd accept her frame and do what she said. But the problem is, you'd never truly feel dominant doing that because you're actually following her lead... but you'd still happily do it, right?

    Well my frame is kind of like that. I figure out what suits me and what I want it to be, then I figure out how to make it fun. "I'm The Benny. Some guys will tell you that they're a big deal, but we both know they're not. Me, I'm not a big deal at all. I'm just lots of fun and have lots of friends. But I am not rich, famous, or going to be your sugar daddy. So this is all just about having fun and being two cool people. That's how it is. Now what's your name?"
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  10. #9
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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    Great Mindset to have. Having a healthy social circle creates a lot of opportunities to game their girlfriends because of the connections and having preselection. It will also make you feel more comfortable and have fun with women.
    Elevate Your Game | Check out my blog for lay reports, attraction and dancefloor game tips !

    willedward.com

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    Default Re: Why I Love Having a Social Circle

    Gotta be willing to put yourself out there and show the girl you have balls to go for what you want. It might help if she's seen you with a few girls that are as attractive or more attractive than her before you make your move though; hence pre-selection.

    I started out gaming by myself and prefer it to being with others, just because I get SNL's easier. The only reason I even have a social circle is to show off what I can do and get some respect in my group. However, I find it important to be very picky about who you let into your social circle as well. Keep the haters at distance and the care-free supportive types of people close.

    Sometimes you don't have any choice but to be around the hater-types, but you can easily avoid talking to them if necessary. Don't be rude, but also don't let them try to push you around either. But ideally, if you have the choice of whom to surround yourself with, most likely out of work, then bring in the most positive people. They won't only improve your chances of pulling when you're out, they will also be fun to hang out with as well.

    Anyway, just my 2 cents.
    Fear of rejection = Fear of success


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