I was talking with the dating coach known as “Daxx” – and we had an idea that can help your game, right now. All you have to do is read.
Daxx has written a step-by-step summary of a recent pickup of one of the hottest women at an A-list nightclub. And then both of us comment on what he’s doing and why. It’s the next best thing to being there.
(We all know that the best way to get really good with women really quickly is to watch a master at work. That’s part of what makes live training so successful. But, if you haven’t been able to get into a bootcamp or 1-1 training yet, this is as close as we can get in email).
Same Night field report
I was out with Dahunter. We were only planning on having a couple drinks and relaxing, but like most of the nights out lately have ended up, throw us in the mix of a club filled with hot women and prepare for the night to escalate faster than lightning.
Something we say is that your first few approaches “don’t count.” Whether they go well or whether you get blown out, it doesn’t matter. What this does is it takes the pressure off of you, shakes you out of ‘logical mode’ (which you will be in after being at work all day), and throws you into social mode.
The inner game seminar goes deep into how the brain works along with how to understand and control our feelings and emotions, but when you ‘don’t feel like opening’ you only feel like this because you haven’t ‘warmed up’ the social side of your brain yet. Once you open, your mid-brain reaches back and throws up the reference experiences you need to overcome that situation.
After a few warm-up approaches and some groups that “hooked” well, we were having a drink at the bar and noticed a bunch of women we’d approached earlier hovering around us. When women do this, they usually are ‘inviting’ you to approach or to re-initiate.
We’re pinging from group to group and creating the ‘whirlwind’ effect, social proofing the venue.
* * * DAXX ANALYSIS: Social proofing is when you’re out somewhere and you see a guy who seems to know everyone. The bartenders know him, people look like they’re having fun with him, people come up and shake hands with him, and you say to yourself, ‘Man he knows everyone; who is that guy?’ It creates an almost mini-celebrity type of status. Even if the guy has never met them before, it looks the same from a distance and has the same effect on women. * * *
I go to the bathroom and surprise, surprise when I return Dahunter is making out with some hot blonde... time to go lone ranger. In my peripheral vision, I notice a cute brunette woman on my left look over in my direction. When you’re good you begin to associate ‘seeing a hot woman’ with ‘approaching a hot woman,’ and it will actually feel more awkward if you DON’T say something to her. I turn my head, catch eye contact with her and say:
Daxx: ‘So, just because you’re hot you think you don’t have to say hi...?’
Her (while smiling): ‘(Gasps)... Hi...’
* * * DAXX ANALYSIS: She responds positively so I know I can escalate. However, if she didn’t respond well then I would have had to take a step back. I like to think of it like ‘pinging.’ In other words, what you say next is based on her reaction. If you say something (the ping) and she responds positively (the pingback), then it’s all systems go, but if not then you take a step back and slow things down until she shows some interest. * * *
One of the best ways to create attraction at the very beginning is through teasing. I started firing off this weapon like it’s a turret. Like clockwork, in a few minutes I could see from her body language and response to my touch that she was becoming attracted... which meant – as it does for most hot women - that she was about to “test” me.
And sure enough...
Her: Are you a player?
Guys – this is a GOOD thing. She’s not going to ask if you are a player if she isn’t interested in you. Why would she care?
But, it’s still a test. And I still have to pass.
Daxx: ‘I’ve only got 653 numbers and hooked up 17 times in the last 5 minutes, so the answer is no I’m not a player.’
* * * SAVOY ANALYSIS: Okay, what’s going on here? You know from the Magic Bullets Handbook that the basic structure of a pickup – at least on the emotional side – goes like this:
• Approach -> Transition -> Attract -> Qualify -> Comfort -> Seduction
And Attraction, especially with young beautiful women, high-energy environments, etc., often goes like this:
• Man Teases Woman
• Woman Feels Initial Attraction
• Woman Tests Man to Validate (or dismiss) Attraction
• Man Passes (continue) or Fails (let’s just be friends)
• Man Solidifies Attraction with disqualification and other “deeper” Attraction techniques
• Woman Repeats Tests as Required
• Woman Settles her Attraction – move to next stage (Qualification)
That’s not a rigid formula, but it’s pretty common and is happening here. * * *
She tests me again, and I smile without responding. She laughs and I carry on. But, I can feel she’s slightly resistant so I need to pull out some big guns... time for a takeaway.
I get her laughing and as I feel the interaction hit a high note, I half turn away from her, get my phone out, and start reading a text.
I can tell her head’s scrambling because I was just making her laugh, she was having fun, and now that feeling is gone because I turned away from her. Now, if I didn’t do this at a high point or if she wasn’t into me, she would most likely lose interest and walk away. That wouldn’t have been a takeaway; that would have been me giving up. But, because it was on and the conversation had just hit a high note, she grabs my arm and says playfully –
Her: ‘Hey, don’t ignore me!’
I smile, turn back, and re-initiate conversation. The thing with takeaways is you want her to get the feeling of loss - not necessarily anxiety like she would if you stated a boundary, but more that she feels has to chase you. Then the reward, which was a smile and re-initiating conversation, is essential to make her feel like she’s got your attention back. The reward of a takeaway when she chases you is vital; otherwise, she will feel like she has to chase you too hard and will give up.
Even after that small takeaway, her grabbing my arm and having to chase a little made a big shift from me chasing her to her chasing me now. Back to pinging again, takeaways can also be used as pings; you can tell how much a woman is into you by how much she is willing to chase. A couple minutes later, however, she says again –
Her: ‘Seriously though, are you a player?’
Daxx: ‘I told you just because I’ve got a different girlfriend for every day of the week doesn’t make me a player!’
Her: [Laughs]: ‘Honestly though, are you a player?’
Alright, enough’s enough. Time to push more towards boundaries so I say (In a neutral tone) –
Daxx: ‘Look, I think you’re really cute and I’m having fun talking to you. It was funny before, but it’s pretty rude of you to keep asking that.’
Takeaways give the woman the feeling of loss, but stating boundaries gives the woman the feeling she needs to correct her behaviour. That’s not a huge boundary, but it’s enough for her to feel it. She then responds with –
Her: ‘I’m sorry, I just didn’t know if I was just another number to you.’
Now she’s on board. Remembering that the reward is essential, I say –
Daxx: ‘It’s cool. Look, are you having fun?’
Daxx: ‘Then let’s keep having fun!’
It’s not too long until it’s 2am and the lights start to come on so I say –
Daxx: ‘You ready to get out of here?’
Her: ‘Yeah, my friends are outside.’
Daxx: ‘Let’s go.’
We make our way outside but her friends aren’t there so she says –
Her: ‘Wait here; I think my friends are still inside.’
Daxx (playfully): 'Well, be quick because I'm not waiting forever!'
We talk with her friends for a bit and while doing so out of the blue a woman from a couple weeks before comes out of nowhere, playfully hits me on the arm and says –
Other Woman: ‘Hey mister, do you remember me?’
I hadn’t hooked up with this woman or anything, but was with Braddock a couple weeks back and it was “on” with these two women he and I were talking to. So, now I have to keep it cool with her, keep it cool with the other woman, and keep it cool with her friends. With some friendly teasing out of earshot I tell the woman from a couple weeks ago that we’ll hang out with Braddock and her friend soon.
Back to woman #1 and her friends. I whisper in her ear ‘Let’s go.’
We say goodbye to her friends and start walking to catch a cab. It’s going well and from all the hard work this is going to be an epic pull, but the best is yet to come. I hail a cab down and literally as the cab pulls up she goes –
Her: ‘No, we can’t do this. I never take guys home and I know if you come back we’re just going to end up having sex.’
(Credit Braddock, and get ready for this hardcore takeaway/boundary of a champion.)
Daxx: (I let go of her hand and say in a neutral/breaking rapport tone) ‘You think the only reason I want to come back with you is to have sex? If that were the case I wouldn't be here. Look, I know you could have had any guy in that place, and I could have gone home with any woman in that place if that was all I was looking for... the fact that I wanted to keep talking to you is because you're pretty cool and I want to get to know you better. But if you think the only reason I want to come back is for sex then that's disrespectful. You know, forget it, I’m out.'
I turn to walk away.
Now, what happens here is down to her. If she does nothing, that’s the end of it.
She grabs me back and says –
Her: 'No, don't!'
Daxx: 'Alright, let's go.'
* * * SAVOY ANALYSIS: Using hard boundaries like this is an advanced move. It’s easy to see where it could have gone wrong. Daxx and Braddock cover how to use Takeaways and Boundaries in their hour-long interview.
Also – never do this by phone or voicemail... e.g., “Okay, this is the last time I’m going to leave you a message blah blah blah.” Doesn’t work. * * *
I hadn’t even made out with her up to this point. We jump in the cab and out of nowhere she’s all over me like white on rice. We go back to her place and it all worked out.
Where most guys would go wrong is trying to deal with her objections logically, instead of changing her emotion to give her the feeling of loss.
She said I was the first guy she’d taken home from a club. She’s also a great example of how women will work against their own seduction even when they really want it to happen. She was a really cool person and I’m glad it happened, but the thing is I could have lost her at several points throughout the night, and, more importantly, she knew she could lose me as much as I could lose her.
* * * DAXX ANALYSIS: When I turned to walk away, if she didn’t grab me, I wouldn’t have looked back. If you’re going to use takeaways and boundaries you have to do them with 100% meaning. You can’t use them half-heartedly.
Without the size of the takeaways and boundaries building up, and her becoming more and more invested as the conversation went further along, that pull would not have happened. Aside from the fact that Dahunter and I had great social proof at the club after meeting everyone early on, the takeaways and boundaries are what made it work.