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Thread: I f***ing suck at this.

  1. #1
    ShortStuff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I f***ing suck at this.

    (Part two in an interminable series on trying to grow a pair.

    This is not a happy field report. This is how an inner game problem manifests itself.)


    Cinco de Mayo.

    On a Tuesday at 11.

    By myself.

    Why the fuck not? I'm doing nothing else with my life right now.

    I was prowling the 355 corridor a few miles north of DC tonight when I saw a bar that dubbed itself an ale house. Fair enough, I was looking for craft cervezas. I walk in, plasma TVs everywhere, and there's a handful of people scattered around the circle bar and the nearby booths. It's fairly dead, but then it is a weekday. A couple of decent-looking Asian chicks are sitting at the bar. I strategically seat myself a couple stools out from them and order an Irish red. It's kind of sour.

    A few minutes pass and this Dave Grohl-looking gentleman seats himself between me and the girls. He knows them; they order shots; I make one passing (lame) attempt at conversation with him ("where is everyone?"); he seems (understandably) uninterested. I instead talk briefly with an older Mexican man on my other side who's out for the real thing. Protip: If you want to meet people on CdM, you talk to latinos first.

    I finish a good three-quarters of my beer, leave a tip, and start to consider hopping bars when I notice Foo Fighters pouring the remnants of his friends' shots into the dregs of his own shotglass.

    "The first step is admitting you have a problem," I offer.
    "Are you talking to me?" Then it hits him. He laughs. The girls are curious. He explains, they laugh and give me an inquisitive look. I don't think much of it and watch the back-and-forth between them and the bartender.

    Somehow - and I don't remember the details well - Nirvana gets out of his seat for a smoke break. One of the two girls with a goddanged gorgeous face gets out of her seat and steals Beard's seat to sit next to me. She's leaning in, she's all smiles and giggles, this girl is eating out of my hand for whatever reason. We're playing guess ethnicities (I'm bad at it), and it turns out this Asian-looking girl doesn't have an ounce of Asian in her.

    It doesn't matter. Somehow, she's in theater, somehow, I guess badly that her friend is Laotian, leading not-Asian to ask if I thought she was "luncheon" since I said Laotian and called her a ham for being so dramatic, and somehow, she's fun and bubbly and cute and I (successfully, goddamn it) invoke my best nonchalant in telling her she's fun and asking her what her number is.

    "You get straight to the point, don't you?"
    And now I fuck up.
    "I'm tired, I've got work tomorrow, I lose my mojo after a certain point in time." Which is true, but it's totally not what I need to be saying. But now I feel pressure and my lightweight self is feeling the beer. (I'm 120ish pounds, it happens.) Weakness exposed, point avoided, frame changed.
    She says something about Cinderella and turning into pumpkins at midnight. She starts to give me her number... Local area code... Three digits I don't remember... Two spanish numbers I know... And... Ni-ni.

    What the fuck?

    "Oh, sorry. I changed up languages on you. Would you guess that I'm so-and-so?"

    She asks if I have a Facebook. Nope. Instagram? Nah. Snap? I say yes, and that I literally got it last week and-

    INNER MONOLOGUE: Dumbass. You want to make yourself look like you live on an island? Well you do now, because loose lips sink ships.

    "You know what? Never mind." Hot to cold. Done. Just like I do it every time. Every goddamn time. I don't think you understand, this actually claws me up inside to the point that I wanted to drive my car into a Jersey barrier on the way back up 270.

    I go to the bathroom, knowing this is giving her a fantastically easy exit. She and her friends have ghosted with impressive speed by the time I finish.

    I don't think I can. I can't internalize this idea that I actually have some worth. Not when this goddamn shit keeps happening to me. Not when I actually legitimately feel lonely by myself and don't have any friends in this place.

    The worst part? I remember what ni-ni means. It's Japanese. Two-two. And my phone's forgotten the rest of the digits I punched in. Good game, you scrub.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: I f***ing suck at this.

    "You get straight to the point, don't you?"
    this was sarcasm, she was making fun of the fact that you went strait for the number instead of staying out and going for broke (witch could have gotten you laid)

    note, number closes are usually a waste of time at bars and clubs. women are expecting you to go for sex and anything less than that is bitch behavior.

    that said, I want to point out something good you did.

    you went out by yourself to an unfamiliar bar and talked to complete strangers.

    that in itself should be a small victory for you. that took courage.


    [QUOTE][The worst part? I remember what ni-ni means. It's Japanese. Two-two. And my phone's forgotten the rest of the digits I punched in. Good game, you scrub./QUOTE]

    you shouldn't care so much about any one girl you meet. after all, there are several hundred thousand women in d.c. what makes this one so special?


    INNER MONOLOGUE: Dumbass. You want to make yourself look like you live on an island? Well you do now, because loose lips sink ships.
    island living is the shit! you obviously need to watch pirates of the Caribbean. lol


  4. #3
    SpiritualGangster is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I f***ing suck at this.

    Let me tell you the pickup experiences that happened with me over the past two days and why I think not giving up is a better idea. I prefer to tell stories 4chan style.

    >be going to tanning salon for a while
    >one day girl I recognize from highschool is there
    >she's lookin kinda cute ouuuuu
    >decide not to hit on her immediatly because I know her already, and she knows my ex from 4 years ago, who broke up with me because I had bad breathe. which i still kinda do and I'm working hard to get rid of it
    >every time I come in and see her, engage in small talk, throw a neg here and there, all good
    >watch some dudes on youtube walking up to girls and kissing them like within 10-15 seconds, decide to copy their vibe
    >put on some cool new combination of clothes I haven't discovered in my wardrobe yet, feeling good like michael buble
    >walk into tanning salon expecting her to be there, she isn't
    >just hit up the booth
    >walk out, back to the front counter
    >look back, she's there
    >turn 180 degrees, go up to her and hug her (I've never engaged in any type of Kino with her yet)
    >it's too soft and awkward, and I immediatly recognize this, become fucking nervous
    >"I-I'm curious about you."
    >her: "Uhhh really? I've known you for like...2 years."
    >"Oh, I don't know, just wondering what you've been up to all these years you know."
    >her: "I'm going to school."
    >"What for?"
    >her: blahblahblahblahblah blahblahblahblah
    >me: "Oh cool. Add me on facebook!" in the most softest fucking weird beta voice
    >Her: "No, there's like a million of (my name). You add ME."
    >Me: "Fine okay"
    >main boss lady starts laughing as I walk out of the salon, I feel like a fucking retard for not only hitting on a girl I will 100% see again, but they know my mom too. She's going to figure out soon
    >punching the steering wheel and call myself a fucking idiot and that I should kill myself on the way home like a dramatic woman
    >get advice on this forum and get the fuck over it like a man, I'm going to shut the fuck up and do learn how to do this like a man, I dont care how long it takes
    >learn about being congruent with your current natural energy state, if you don't act within it people detect it easily
    >fast forward next day
    >go to my weekly hot yoga class
    >see cute australian girl I've been talking to before classes
    >walk up to her and high five her since I haven't seen her in forever
    >start crazy story about how I stepped on an ant with my bare feet, how I'm fucking terrified of ants and that I'm going to get over my fear by sticking my finger in an ant hill this weekend, we talk about a million different things and I just feel like the king of the world because me and her are the only ones having an actual fun conversation, with no sweat, in a room full of like 30 + quiet people. I felt alpha and in control.
    >finish up an amazing yoga class because I was fulfilled that day


    Pickup is like any other skill. You're going to have good days and bad days. The more bad days you have, the less they will happen, and the easier you will recover from them. If you write shit down, take notes, create and perform exercises that will build up on your weaknesses, and watch a video about pickup everyday, you're going to go from 0-100 really fucking quick man. I know, because that's how I became gym educated. I stuck with it, did my homework, and now I'm teaching the newbies, and I know when experienced people are bullshitting me

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  6. #4
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    Default Re: I f***ing suck at this.

    Saturday night 03-15-15

    Went out Saturday Night. I was tired after volunteering at the martial arts school all day, but I felt excited about going out. Went to moms for dinner but had to cut out by 10. I got home, cleaned up and got myself psyched up with my playlist.

    I was excited because I had just gone out Friday night. This guy I work with is Kid, 12 years younger than me but I can tell he's a little resevered as an engineer, even though Kid plays in multiple hockey leagues, he looks a little older because of his hairline and maybe that messes up his confidence I dunno. I told him I like to go out solo and opening with groups and that kind of impressed him so I said we should go out and wing each other and sarge for girls and he seemed open to that idea but he barely read any pua shit so we exchanged numbers and I let him borrow my MM hardcover. We agreed to go to the game bar on Friday night. He cut out and didn't call me, when I went to his desk, I stopped to talk to another coworker who says he gets out and we talked about pua stuff because he is somewhat savy he read the game and few other things, and he tells me he tried to tell our friend what was up but he wasn't doing it at a party and he could help with his game and then this guy said he felt guilty about
    doing it and I tell him I wouldn't use it to intentionally hurt anyone or manipulate them and how it teaches you to network and connect with people and how thousands of years of evolutionary psycology couldn't be completely wrong.

    I text Kid and go home to feed the cat and shower and change. We meet at game bar. I get there earlier pregame with a car of beer in the car while I bump my playlist. I walked in before he got there because I was finished with my beer and I wanted to check this place out. I walked in alpha style and got some funny looks from the moms out with their kids haha. The bar was crowded but I walked around the back and found a spot with maybe an HB6 and HB7 seated and some dude nearby over their shoulders. So I sit down and attempt to make eye contact with the bartenders in the normal fashion. This place is kinda like a reserved hooters the servers are mostly younger hotties and the Kid said he went there and the one server thought he was me which was funny because I hadn't been there in 3 years. The girls comment on the servers boobs cause she's showing them off, I make a Victoria's Secret Woinderbra joke. I'm already joking and talking with girls but the time the Kid shows up and I get up to turn and
    shake hands then he gets a drink and then I say lets play some games and we walk away from the bar.

    We start talking about the place and going out. I'm like hell yeah we left those girls back there. He's like yeah you're crazy anyone else would stay there & I say that's why because that's how attraction works. There must be a chaser and a chasee. He didn't believe me, but it's funny how these things work out. We play some air hockey and talk about women and attraction. Here I am spilling this female psychology lecture to him with a bunch of 10 years olds racing around.

    So we get bored with the games then go back to the tables not too far from the original set. We continue our talk and pretty soon the one server comes by and gets us drinks. The kid is drinking beer at a ratio of about 2:1 with me and now he wants a fireball shot, he also buys me one and the server. He says he knows her from before when his other buddy was in and he says his other buddy was real good at talking game but is now out of state. He messages his buddy about this server and she lights up when he mentions his name to her. She starts giving the kid IOIs but he doesn't seem to believe they are authentic. We get a second round of fireball shots (he gets another for the server, how generous of him). Eventually he gets up to go to the bathroom. I didn't wait too long then I made my move. I talked the HB6 who was little chubby and had arm/cleavage tattoos. I said half-sarcastically, "Were you talking about us?" (I already knew they were, because I heard them mention me and the kid). She's
    like "We WERE!... and the chick just starts going. I realized she was hooked, so I took a seat between both girls. Her friend turned in and pretty soon the kid returns from the bathroom to find me sitting back at the bar between the girls chatting away. I don't think he was expecting that so fast. We made quick intros, they were really into our company and we were locked in for a bit. I talked with and kinoed the HB6 for fun, she let me trace her tats, and lift her clothing up a bit. I wasn't really into her the other girl had some friend coming in to meet her, Then some dude some in who could do rubiks cube in 7 seconds. We just bounced a few more places but it had to be an early night because of work in the AM.

    Saturday, I decided I would drive up to the Irish Sports bar. I used to feel a little funny about going out solo, but I kind of enjoy it now. It is the weekend before St. Patty's day so I threw on my Rondo Celtics Jersey with some jeans and crisp white rebook kicks. Hit the road got the parking lot and noticed it was packed. Pregamed with a can of beer in the car, I really am a little more relaxed buzzed. checked my phone reviewed my list of icebreakers and set up a little memo pad for names when I went in. listened to soome music to get me into an energetic state. On the way in there were some groups standing outside smoking, honestly I felt a little aa slip in, but I let it go and went inside. Showed the bouncer my ID hah I'm 37. My favorite band just happened to be doing a show so I was ecstatic. They do a show there once a month with no cover. Walked toward the bar feeeling socialable and said hello to several people, but nobody seemed to be very receptive with all the music. I grabbed my
    beer and soda water, then stood up and put my phone and wallet in my pants pockets.
    wandered closer to the stage a little bit, stopping to toast glasses with an old gentleman who is always posted at the same spot in the bar every night. He seemed to recognize me, and we exchanged pleasentries. I did some quick sipping. It was some good beer. Then I remembered my goal is to not get drunk, as that will impact my ability to game properly as the night goes on, and is in general a bad idea.

    I drank all of my water and rocked out with the band on the dance floor, a little ways from the speakers, cause I like my hearing. I should've put my beer down because at one point some grinding songs came on & I've been more interested in freak dancing and opening with girls on the dancefloor, so I decided to give it a shot and act like I do it all the time and not get creepy with it. I got in a circle with some BBW girls who looked like they were out having fun and I noticed there was a more attractive girl HB8 to the right of me doing her thing and I bumped her and should've done more kino because she wouldn't make eye contact and I need to try dance classes again anyway just so I'm smoother at the whole thing.

    After a few songs things broke up and it was a little more high energy before the band took a break. I met some tall alpha dude who looks like my cousin, dancing with some lady who had a sash on. I asked her if she won something & she said it was the dude she was hanging all over. She was FOUR OH and she made sure to tell me, I wished her happy birthday and moved on.

    The bar got real crowded and I stashed my coat on some back tables. I rememeber the best place to get drinks at this stage is the other end of the bar on the other side of the room so I head there. I find a spot, have a seat, get a drink and chat with the dude to the right of me breifly. I spot a HB8 across the bar. I think I caught her glancing, I didn't make eye contact, she turned away too quick. No big deal, then suddenly a young woman HB7 (with glasses so for me a HB8) approaches on the left to pay her bill, I open with a little thing about the number on the bar, becuase I realize now that it doens't matter what I open with as long as long as I am confident, it's relative and I can get her into conversation. I ask her about the number thing next to her that they bring out for food when people order at the bar. I already know what it's for, but sometimes it's better to play dumb, than act smart. She flips the 6 to a 9 and back several times, I sarcastically freak out and tell her that she's
    destroying humanity and then I ask her if she believes in humanity, and then before she can really answer I ask her if she believes in zombies and then she gets all excited and starts telling me about walking dead. I respond that I don't really watch it and I don't always have time to watch tv and then I'm like, zombies are too trendy nowadays. everybody talks about them, kids think they're zombies. She starts to explain how people's personailities clash on the show and I add that the original night of the living dead was in many ways a social commentary when the lead character, a black man is accidentally shot down by the national guard when they clean up after restoring control. I pushed the zombie thing a little more which maybe is bad strategy, but she said how good she was with a video game sniper rifle and how she didn't know how great she'd be with it IRL. Her friends came over, and positioned to her side, they hadn't been far, she had a friend who vaped and I made dominating eye contact with her
    smiling while her friends talked. I did get back her friend's attention a few times as she I suppose I since I was already at a hook point, I could've stood up and properly introduced myself, greeting, then repositioning my chair into the set and gaming into the set. I should have asked what they were doing after the band and got digits. I should really be more socialable especially with other members of the group when they arrive. I realize that it is a very alpha male thing to take control of the conversation and introduce people properly so I will work on that.

    The band was warming up. I needed to go so I stopped by this mature woman HB7 with super closed body language and just for fun I asked her to watch my drink. She said ok, so I did my thing then came back out grabbed my drink and as turned to walk away to the stage, fired some conversation over the shoulder about the band to her and then got her to talk a little, I noticed she had a ring on about midway through so I continued ejecting as her man walked over and positioned himself appropriately. I tried to make friendly eye contact with him but he didn't seem hip to it, so I was polite and said goodbye because the band was tuning up and I didn't have much left in my glass so I polished that off and went to the floor. watched the band for a bit and then things got kinda fuzzy. I see the bartender I know make recognizing eye contact and he calls me by name because we actually have the same name and I reminded him of it last time. He asks what he can get me & I eye the taps for a minute but then I say ehhhh,
    I'd just
    really just like a soda water now. He's like cool and gets me a soda water in a big pint glass. Now it looks like I'm drinking a cocktail, but I'm not. At one point I really didn't think it would be possible to go to a bar, talk to girls and not get totally drunk... BULLSHIT. I'm a bit of a lightweight too, at least I'm a cheap date.

    Rock out a little more on the floor because I really do like this band. Band took another break and so I head outside the back patio briefly for some air and to stretch (no one was out there) Someone left a beer out there so I brought it back in and back to the back of the bar again and sat down by the taps, placing the orphan beer on the bar and ordering myself a special pint and I was still pretty sober from all the water this other guy was sitting next to me and I joked free bottle of beer to the guy, so I chatted it up with him about the bar and he talked about service and he kept talking about how hard it was to get service sometimes and I commented how this place was actually pretty good and how difficult it was to get service at the other bar I went to on friday night and he agreed and then I mentioned the second bar & he commented how awful it was and the last time he and his friends were there they were treated like a bunch of... and then he dropped the n-bomb multiple times in the next minute
    during his tirade about poor service in the bars and I just kinda laughed it off while never turning to face him. He seemed like a negative person so I kinda just let the conversation dwindle and got absorbed in march madness highlights on TV. Eventually the dude just kinda picks up his beer and storms off.

    I've been noticing this set to the left of me for a few sets now. I've been getting closer but taking breaks to go up and see the band. My sneaky quick-glancing HB8 I almost locked in on from across the bar along with three HB7s. great set, let's go. I stand up and walk like I'd leaving the opposite direction, then pause like I forgot something and reverse and head back directly to my HB8. I open with the same silly thing about the number. But they are number one, so I'm like oh you guys are first place, and do some silly Nelly banter with the number one song with one of the girls. All were smiling and seemed thrilled to see me. So, I assumed attraction and rapport and instantly started talking with them. They are watching a scenario unfold with the alpha male I met earlier the sash birthday girl is feeling him up and making a fool of herself. She wants him but obviously he is not too into her. We all kind of chuckle about the situation.

    Band does last song, I go over to the floor again then one more song. I go to the bathroom, tall alpha guy is next to me at urinal, so I joke at urinal cause what's more alpha than that? Do you need help with this birthday girl? He shakes his head laughing. I'm like you're in way over your head.

    When I return to HB8, I talk about the band, She's like yeah I saw you out there on the floor. I asked the gang how they knew each other and learn they all work together at a local modern mill/facility where they bottle cider and water. I ask a little about the operation because I'm curious. HB8 shows me video of a water leak they had on her phone. Country song comes on some of the girls start to dance, I comment oh country girls? Some of them say yeah. I tell them I'm a city boy becuase I am. I like country music, but I like the older stuff like hank williams and willie nelson. not so much of the newer pop stuff. I mention I want to HS downtown and HB8 adds she went to another HS in the city.

    Tall alpha guy is in the group with one of the other HB7s, my guess he aligned himself with the other HB7s to keep FOUR OH lady away. I stay in the circle maintaining light fun conversation with the girls. She comes over and we all kinda sheild her from him. I comment I'm not trying to be cocky but I was scared she'd come after me next. Alpha guy tries to bring this other shy guy with a hoodie on into our set. I guess he was trying to be nice and it was kinda cool because everyone got reintroduced. The conversations continued, hoodie guy just kinda sits there not talking for a while then kinda walks away. Poor fellow, I'm sure I was probably him years back.

    HB8 and one of the girls is putting on their coats to go outside. I say hey you guys bouncing or are you going out to smoke? They answered smoking so I led them outside explaining that I don't smoke but I enjoy fresh air and talking with people. I tell them I don't smoke tobacco cigarettes, which we joked about and I found out they both smoke trees. I talked about the cardio dialating effects and then were talking about berrys at thier farm and so I went into a little history about Walter Knot and how he preserved the Boysenberry from old man Boysen and then properly credited it to him. Knot didn't steal it and call it the Knotberry, and he had phenominal success afterward with Knots Berry Farm and park. They seemed to enjoy my story as they smoked thier cigarettes. I really kind of find butt smoking a turnoff, but it's not a dealbreaker.

    We went back inside, I went to chill with HB8 and her HB7 friends. I'm still assuming attraction and rapport. I'm isolated with HB8 then her other friend comes over and gives her a kiss. As she walks away I say, "where's mine?" and point to my cheek. She puts the brakes on and walks over and smiling, she puts a peck on my cheek. She says something about her friend making out with her. I want to kiss this girl. I should kiss this girl. Why didn't I kiss this girl?

    I'm chatting with HB8, she's on her phone on FB, occasionally sharing what she sees. I should have just got the digits there, but she mentioned she is divorced with 4 kids, she was still younger than me, but I guess that made me gunshy. I kick myself now because I'm overthinking it and being fearful at that moment instead of going with the flow, she might have made a good friend, you never know... Anyway, I should've escalated just for practice. A phone can be viewed as an IOI in the correct frame so you should always view it that way. i realized I should be using more kino, I tell her another story and touch her shoulder briefly comment on her hair and I sniff it but has no real smell so I don't say anything. She left way too quick, I think they bounced while I was in the bathrooom. Maybe they got bored/etc... Maybe they really had to go, it was kinda late 3AM?

    A couple of the girls stuck around, the one had a boyfriend who was kinda chillin back the entire night. Alpha guy that looks like my cousin says he can profile people because he works in intelligence. Turns out he's a USMC recruiter. He's trying to talk up the chillin boyfriend into being more assertive. Duh. It was getting late so I had to go...






    Takeaways:

    From now on when I'm with a girl I want and she throws some shit out like she has 4 kids or rides a unicycle or whatever I'm not going to let it phase me or create excuses not to escalate. I can always second-guess myself *AFTER* escalating, but I'm not going to let something she says in the moment make me reconsider escalation when I'm already attracted to her. So what if she has 4 kids? Who cares what others may think? Now you don't have her, because you talked yourself out of escalating with her.
    When a girl pulls out her phone to show you something it is generally an IOI (she wants to share an experience with you)
    When a girl pulls out her phone to text or whatever it might be a minor shit-test, or not, but you can always just brush it off, focus on something/one else or even just keep talking. You could also mirror her and use your phone (everyone's on their phone these days, and it is quite normal to do this around friends)
    Many girls will listen to a live conversation and use a phone at the same time.
    I don't use facebook on my phone, but I've been considering adding it to my phone when I'm out in social situations like this.
    I didn't need my list of icebreakers to open, just having them ready gave me the confidence to open naturally with situational openers.
    I need to work on transitioning to phone number, setting up a bounce or instadate.
    Being a regular and getting the staff/regulars to know you can pay good dividends, it's easy social-proof.
    Assume rapport. Assume attraction.

  7. #5
    DSAN1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I f***ing suck at this.

    All that and you didn't get a single phone number ????
    You should change your screen name to Lame Lover

  8. #6
    ShortStuff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I f***ing suck at this.

    Thanks for the responses.

    Just to speak to a couple things you guys have said... First, I definitely have no intention of giving up. I know that it'll take time, practice, and rejection to learn anything. That's why I'm going to go out as much as I can.

    And it's not so much this one girl into whom I'm overinvested as just a recurring problem in which I hook a girl, realize I've hooked her, and become nervous that I'll screw up, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    If I had core confidence and outcome independence, this wouldn't be an issue, but I don't right now- and when I don't, the fun social part of my brain stops functioning properly and I act like a total chode.

    I wanna beat this and know I can. If there's anything else I should be thinking about lay it on me.

  9. #7
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I f***ing suck at this.

    I wanna beat this and know I can. If there's anything else I should be thinking about lay it on me.
    in many cases, the worst problems are the ones we create in our heads. its easy to feel like you're screwing up when you're really doing ok.

    you keep mentioning that you're falling into "chode" behavior. who sets what "chode" behavior is? your definition of it could be far different from how the girl you're talking to sees it. overthinking about it only causes it to become true. ignorance is bliss, chode behavior is only chode behavior if you believe its chode behavior.

    that's not saying you shouldn't have some common sense about how to act, but you don't need to be stressing over little mistakes.

    its so easy to self criticize, and tear yourself down. you did better than guys I've seen who sit at the bar the whole night staring at girls from across the room, trying to get drunk enough to say hi to them.

    I hope to see more field reports from you short stuff. if you need anything, feel free to message me.

    METEORA


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