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  • 1 Post By drgnsfire12
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Thread: Getting shot down

  1. #1
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Getting shot down

    I have to say it's been a long time since I've been shot down but it happened to me the other day. There was this girl at work I was interested in, we spoke a few times had some good conversation, we exchanged phone numbers and had some good text sessions with lots of funny lines back and forth so I sent her this text " Hey xxxxx, we should totally grab lunch soon, just got a coupon from Checkers to buy one chili, cheese, bacon, onion, relish sauerkraut hot dog and get one for free and what's better then free hot dogs ???" ....
    She didn't respond to this, so the next day I sent her "brought four day old left over Kung Po chicken for lunch, we should really go get those hot dogs so you can save me from making a big mistake with this Chinese food "..... she respond "hey xxxxx please don't be upset but the only men over thirty I have lunch with are my father and grandfather" ...... now that was a huge curve ball and I was at a total loss as to what to say but after thinking a bit I responded " well that's cool, the only girls under thirty I have lunch with are my last two girlfriends ....... and that was it, she never responded and we haven't texted again. She now is totally avoiding me ...... now I was annoyed by all this because I though it was pretty immature on her part but then I realized that it was her loss because I am an incredible amount of fun to be with ..... I also realized that it's also OK to get shot down every once and awhile because it keeps you focused .....on to the next one
    ..
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  2. #2
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    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting shot down

    That sucks man, but it happens. Sometimes women shut you down when they ARE into you. I got shut down by a woman I know for a fact was into me, because she had a boyfriend who she lived with (I was unaware of this). I also got shut down by a woman who told me she was into me for years. She got sucked in by a sociopath who brainwashed her and now controls her housing, food, and transportation. She quit her job, moved in with him, and is now in a pyramid scheme with him. I don't judge her for it though, she was in a very vulnerable spot and he took advantage of that. How do you compete with someone who is actively using her weaknesses to manipulate her?!

    I'll agree with you that her text was pretty damn immature. Do you want to be with someone who is that immature and passive aggressive? I doubt it. That actually saved you allot of trouble down the road. Her loss!

  3. #3
    Levi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting shot down

    I agree with DirectIsBest. Women don't always shut you down when they are not into you. However I don't see what she said to you as being a total shut down. More of a, like you said, curve ball. Im not sure what you meant to accomplish by telling her about your two past girlfriends being under thirty. To me that sounds almost like bragging. She probably either a) is having qualms with being in a work relationship [ie dont shit where you eat] or b) she is sincerely hesitant about being vulnerable around somebody your age because she knows shes an easy target. I think personally both aspects are in play here but since A) isnt a dealbreaker for most women, unless you are way older than her and working the same job type as her with how many ever more years experience than she has with no real ambition to do anything else which falls under category B) as well.

    As I fall in the mid-twenties range, I don't have the problem with age that you're experiencing because 18-21 year olds hold little appeal to me, and those ranges might consider my age to be a definitive factor. I do however have some issues when dealing with women 10+ years older than me as they see me as unfit for being too young for their standards and immature when compared to the years of experiences theyve had. I generally don't like to have to prove myself on command and as my father always told me, your actions should speak so loudly that no one is listening to what you say and it doesn't matter anyway.

    If it were me in the position you were in I think I would have responded to that curve ball a little bit differently. I would have reassurred her comfortability with me. Told her that i admired the way she acted so mature for her age and that i saw it as wanting to be more accepted by her peers. Id say something like i thought of her like a wise young person and that I appreciated that in a society that is overrun with drug addeled bimbos who cant even tie their own shoe laces. I would have made it clear that i was obviously wrong as none of your friends liked to place people into age categories with who they could and couldn't have friends with and that you were disappointed but relelived that she showed you how shallow youth really can be when they have poor guidence towards humanity.

    Basically she says age is an issue and you're agreeing with her! But instead of taking a sucker punch over your age, you could counter and put that same restraint on you. At this point though less is more. I have a nasty habit of over explaining things (Im sure nobody here could ever guess that) To correct for this I write down a detailed feeling version of how i would counter, and depending on how much pain i wanteed to inflict to open a wound about her age, then I make myself reduce it to a single paragraph where guilt trips are removed as you dont want to openly conflict with her about her feelings, and instead you're lleft with a bare bones paragraph about how you feel and what you eexpected. This allows you to never leave this up to her, and you are direct on your terms. Make her chase you.

    I guess Direct[really]IsBest

  4. #4
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Getting shot down

    . she respond "hey xxxxx please don't be upset but the only men over thirty I have lunch with are my father and grandfather"
    that might be a lot more reasonable than you think. even when a girl is into you, she has screening methods for deciding who she wants a relationship with. (odds are she's just into hipster kids who wear their pants at their ankles lol) I have had the same kind of experience when gaming cougars, I distinctly remember one who was totally into me until I made references to some new movie I had watched. (after I had to explain them she realized my comedic genious, and also realized her teenage daughter had recently gone to watch that same movie.. lol) point is, some women are going to filter you out for whatever the reason, even if the attraction is there and a good connection has been established.

    another example, sometimes women tell me I'm not tall enough for them. I tell those same women they are too superficial for me. (and just to clarify, I'm not quite average height standing at 5'8" ) for this reason all of the ladies I've been with were shorter than 5'6"

    rejection happens, no reason to get flustered about it.

  5. #5
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting shot down

    What's interesting guys is all the signs of attraction were there, conversations were good, text was good, she could keep up with my sense of humor, all positive things ... I think what really threw me for a loop was that I'm 47 and the last two girls I dated were 25 & 27 and I had gotten to a point where I didn't think about age, but this not going to lunch with anybody over thirty really got to me and made me think that maybe I need to go after girls in my own age group, you never want to become the dirty old man creeper guy ..... but then I realized I get along so well with girls in their 20's, I've had really good relationships with girls I their 20's so I'm probably not going to change what I'm doing right now ...... maybe I'll wait until I hit 50
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet


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