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Thread: First time sarging went awful

  1. #1
    Bruce Wayne is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default First time sarging went awful

    I've been reading into PUA techniques all week religiously. I've looked at openers, techniques to show dhv, build rapport, kiss close, etc. I am normally very nervous when I talk to girls that I am try to "game" on but I have no issue holding a conversation with just any girl I dont really find attractive.

    Anyway, I've been wanting to address this area of my life and step out of my comfort zone. So, by my dorm there is a bar that always has college kids packed in it on weekends. I decide to go out that night to practice some of the stuff I learned to see what works and what doesnt. Definitely did not work out the way I wanted it to.

    Firstly, I didnt go out till much later than I should have when my vibe was pretty weak (I prefer to do this sober so drinking isnt an option). Then I also went out with a group of like 5 other guys so that probably didnt help my case either.

    We did get to the bar though, which is more like a nightclub since it's so loud to the point that you cant really converse without half the conversation being lost in the sound. That lead me to my first issue. I know I needed to break off and create social proof but how can I do that when all the openers Ik felt like they would be so random or BS if I used them so I didnt even open any sets, which is my major issue that I wanted to work on to begin with. There is a patio where its not so loud but it is SO crowded with people I didnt feel comfortable even attempting to open any sets there with the openers I knew. The only social proof I got was from some other guys from the university that I knew at different parts of the dance floor.

    Whatever though I go rejoin my friends thinking okay I'll just find some girl that makes eye contact with me and I'll dance with her. So we go to the end of the room with the couches and we're all sitting down and this cute girl tries to get one of my friends to dance and he doesnt dance so I tried doing what I normally dont and went up to dance with her instead infront of the entire lounge and this is where I fucked up I would say. I grabbed her hand and twisted her around a bit but then when I let her go she notioned me to "show her what I got" and I did. Which I guess made me look like the "dancing monkey" since I could tell I no longer seemed like an AMOG at all.

    Anyways at this point my legs feel like jelly cause my social anxiety is kicking into full gear so I just go back to sitting.

    Later on another girl HB7 tried to hype us up since we were all looking pretty bored just sitting there. She was dancing infront of us notioning us to get up and dance with her group of friends 2 HB8, and HB1. One of the HB8 was my target but I got up and danced with the HB7 since nobody did and this time I felt like I did actually build a bit of rapport since I pulled her in close instead of releasing her after the spinning her around. It was going good but I didnt know how to entertain her group of friends at the same time and my friends didnt come up to help out with the others either so after like 5 min she like had me waiting as she talked with her HB1 friend so I just gave up and sat back down.

    I'm still determined to atleast have one successful dance though so I pulled one of my friends up with me to the dance floor by the bar. I found a few girls that I would love to dance with but they were always in a 3-4 set of HB7-9 and I have no idea how to open sets on a dancefloor without looking like a fool and costing me HV points.

    One situation Im still hitting my head about was this super cute HB8 that I knew from middle school and we recognized each other and she was like hugging me and grabbing my face but I could hardly hear what she was saying and she didnt hear what I was saying so I couldnt build any rapport whatsoever and was too pussy to simply grab her and start dancing. I ended up just moving away from her group so I dont look awkward.

    So instead I try to wing my friend with this girl by using the "do you think my friend looks gay" opener but just as I suspected half the shit I said wasnt heard and she ended up thinking that I was gay and was interested in him so she notioned me to go check for myself since he was standing a short distance away.

    All in all, it was a terrible night for me. I felt like it was counter productive in helping me build confidence and it just showed me how little ik though I felt comfortable with the material I had been reading for the past couple weeks.

    Sorry for the long read guys just really disappointed with myself and could definitely use some tips on game in a loud ass bar.

  2. #2
    Sam981 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    Doesn't sound that bad to me at all. In fact you did pretty well for a starter. You can not eliminate the anxiety in one night, of course it's going to take some time. Just keep doing what you are doing and results will come soon.

    Good thing is you are taking action at least. Honestly I can't even understand why you are 'disappointed with yourself', considering that it was your first night out after getting into PU.

  3. #3
    Bruce Wayne is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam981 View Post
    Good thing is you are taking action at least. Honestly I can't even understand why you are 'disappointed with yourself', considering that it was your first night out after getting into PU.
    I'm definitely not gonna give up but its just frustrating cause I look back and realize I did almost everything wrong but I dont know what would've been the right way to do it.

  4. #4
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    1. at least you got out of the house, that is the first and sometimes the hardest step towards success.

    2. going with a group always takes some of the pressure off the night. if you don't meet anyone, you can still hang out and have a good time with your group.

    3. the cure for all forms of anxiety is "exposure therapy", that is, the more you expose yourself to things that make you nervous, the less nervous you'll be around those things. consistently exposing yourself to less than ideal social situations will make you better able to deal with the stress and anxiety they can cause.

    4. "dance game" is not game. if you're going to dance, do it for fun, not to get girls. now of course if you are having lots of fun, attractive women may want to be a part of your fun.

    All in all, it was a terrible night for me. I felt like it was counter productive in helping me build confidence and it just showed me how little ik though I felt comfortable with the material I had been reading for the past couple weeks.
    5. when rating how a night went, the focus is entirely on you. ask yourself these kinds of questions. "did I have fun?" "did I meet some strangers?" "did I get any good laughs?" "did I face my fears?" "did I have some fun conversations?" "did I make myself laugh?" "would I do it again?"

    that is how you rate a night, it doesn't matter if you get numbers or kisses or sex, what matters is that you had fun and got out of your comfort zone.

    6. forget about "material" too many newbs rely way too heavily on it. it will only handicap you later. most pua material is way too focused on the women. you are the only one who matters. I've had some nights where I got laid, but it wasn't a fun night for me. I've also had tons of nights where I went out, got drunk, had some good laughs, shot pool and danced the night away without taking any girl home, but I would still rather do that than have sex with a girl that bores me to death.

    7. keep getting out there, you'll get much better with practice. once you get in the habit of going out every weekend, you'll be far more comfortable talking to women at bars/clubs.

  5. #5
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    How is this a bad night? It was your first time trying out PUA material, don't beat yourself up too much, you are going to fail, a lot, but practice makes perfect and you just took a step forward. Don't focus on negative thoughts, you went out, had a good time with your friends, stepped out of your comfort zone, met new people - sounds like a good night to me. When I go out and I fail, I really don't think about it too much, yes it bothers me if the girl is really attractive but I'm proud of myself for at least trying, I already warmed up on her so approaching other girls will be easier to the fact that I'm in the "zone". Thinking negatively will kill your vibe, she will sense that you're nervous, don't sit around for too long and overthink things, apply the 3second rule and rip the bandage off immediately, it'll be much better, believe me. Also about the whole "dancing monkey" I liked "Hoop Theory" that you get a girl to do something for you first, before you do something for her, she jumps through your hoop, then you jump through hers if needed, in this case - she asks you to show your best moves, you tell her to show hers first. My favorite thing in a club is challenging not just girls but people in general to a dance off, I don't care if they're dancing better than me, I'm acting as if I've won and if I get ioi's I'll give her a little neg and Kino escalate "well that was.. good? let's see how good you are at kissing" or if she's nice just "wow, that's great, let's see if you're as good as kissing as you are at dancing"

  6. #6
    Bruce Wayne is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    4. "dance game" is not game. if you're going to dance, do it for fun, not to get girls. now of course if you are having lots of fun, attractive women may want to be a part of your fun.
    No of course I totally agree I've been going out for the past few months on the weekends so I've always gone and had fun just for myself but Im just trying to address this weak point in my social character as well. I was referring to lets say I am dancing and, yes having fun, but I spot a HB that I would like to dance. The PUA mentality is that yes you can get the girl I'm just wondering the how.

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    5. when rating how a night went, the focus is entirely on you. ask yourself these kinds of questions. "did I have fun?" "did I meet some strangers?" "did I get any good laughs?" "did I face my fears?" "did I have some fun conversations?" "did I make myself laugh?" "would I do it again?"

    that is how you rate a night, it doesn't matter if you get numbers or kisses or sex, what matters is that you had fun and got out of your comfort zone.

    6. forget about "material" too many newbs rely way too heavily on it. it will only handicap you later. most pua material is way too focused on the women. you are the only one who matters. I've had some nights where I got laid, but it wasn't a fun night for me. I've also had tons of nights where I went out, got drunk, had some good laughs, shot pool and danced the night away without taking any girl home, but I would still rather do that than have sex with a girl that bores me to death.

    7. keep getting out there, you'll get much better with practice. once you get in the habit of going out every weekend, you'll be far more comfortable talking to women at bars/clubs.
    Yeah thats a good scale to grade a night. I think it was just that since this was my first time going out attempting to sarge that it was my only goal and I completely forgot about the having fun aspect. Honestly looking back I realize that the fact that I wasnt having fun prior to approaching the girls probably gave off a very dull/negative energy.

    I'll try to address these things next time for sure. One thing I was still wondering was the HB8 that knew me from middle school do you think I should've isolated her to a more quite place so I could actually converse with her and run routines or would it have been imprudent to pull her away from the group?

    I very much appreciate the detailed advice and I realize when I wrote this I was being very pessimistic but I am definitely switching it out with optimism.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alergy View Post
    Also about the whole "dancing monkey" I liked "hoop theory" that you get a girl to do something for you first, before you do something for her, she jumps through your hoop, then you jump through hers if needed, in this case - she asks you to show your best moves, you tell her to show hers first. My favorite thing in a club is challenging not just girls but people in general to a dance off, I don't care if they're dancing better than me, I'm acting as if I've won and if I get IOI's I'll give her a little neg and kino escalate "well that was.. good? let's see how good you are at kissing" or if she's nice just "wow, that's great, let's see if you're as good as kissing as you are at dancing"
    I actually attempted that hoop theory on the second HB7 that I danced with and it actually worked a bit since then I was able to get some grind action but the fact that there were 3 other friends did not work to my advantage.

    If there would be something I would take away from messing up that set is how can I get my target consciously from her set while dancing with minimal talking (cause of noise).

    Definitely grateful for the advice though bro I am gonna think about it if I try again tonight.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    Honestly looking back I realize that the fact that I wasnt having fun prior to approaching the girls probably gave off a very dull/negative energy.
    1. energy is magnetic. if you're the life of the party, everyone will want to be in on your fun.

    2. negative energy usually has the opposite effect. if you look like you are sadly depressive drinking, people will avoid you to keep from loosing their energy.

    3. when at a bar or club, everyone is there to raise their energy. loud music, alcohol, and lighting is all used to raise the energy level of a venue. that's why people go there. now, if you can raise the energy level even higher with some good laughs and teasing any girl in her right mind will go home with you.


    One thing I was still wondering was the HB8 that knew me from middle school do you think I should've isolated her to a more quite place so I could actually converse with her and run routines or would it have been imprudent to pull her away from the group?
    4. knowing a girl previously is the perfect way to get into comfort and get "in" with her group. you definitely should have at least made conversation with her. pulling a girl away from her group is perfectly fine. you're going to have to do it any time you approach a group of girls.

    5. stay optimistic. you're going to do well if you keep getting out.

  8. #8
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: First time sarging went awful

    I will leave mine short and sweet, as you are taking the step many of us have, and probably forgetting one of the most important things that many of us do as we get lost in the game.

    You spun the first girl around and let her loose, it didn't work out so well for you. You spun the second girl around and pulled her in, and got "some grind action." You just learned something. Write it down. This is how you progress, you learn, and that my friend, is not failure.
    You don't need her


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