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  1. #1
    novice.pua is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default My beta mistakes

    Guys,

    First of all, if anyone replied to a thread that I posted here a few months back, and then went cold, please forgive me. The website got banned in my country and only now I got a vpn.

    And sorry for the long post, but the details are important.

    I'll give you the story, and then I need some advice on a three-way drama.

    Lately my game has improved, and I now have three girls that I can call up anytime and they will drop whatever they are doing come over as long as they aren't at work.

    I have changed work recently, and am now working in a small team. I work freelance as a technical expert. I am not the leader of the team, so not the natural alpha, hierarchy wise, I would say I am second layer from the top. The guy is the layer below me, and the girl one more layer down. The guy is very quiet and very rarely says anything. I wouldn't call him beta he is comfortable in his own skin but quite shy. The girl on the other hand is super alpha. Extremely territorial, bosses everyone, even the team leader, around. She is decent looking (HB7), and probably was very good looking a few years back. I am much older than her, and the other guy is much younger than her. Looks and status wise, I am much taller, better built and make 5-10 times as much money as the guy (and the girl knows this). She has been in another relationship and doesn't seem to fully have recovered. She also knows that I fuck other girls, not how many and how frequent they are, but she knows they exist.

    I got instant ioi's from the girl when I arrived. She ran in to some emotional trouble the day after I arrived, and I saw her cry in the office, and I call ed her after work and asked if I could help (my first beta bummer I guess, but there is something in me that just couldn't sit and watch whilst she was hurting). Our relationship has been very on-off. I have approached her, she comes out with me, she somehow doesn't comply, I cut her off, she slowly weasels back, and we go through the motions once again.

    She is very flirty in the office, not only with me, but with everyone. Numbers wise she will flirt with me two thirds of the time and the other dudes one third of the time. This other guy is the one she flirts second most with, however he never initiates anything and just looks down and the flirting ends quickly, whilst I on the other hand am more outgoing, and initiate as often as she does, and we can continue a flirting session for very long. It is all verbal however, she never gets within an arm's reach of either of us. Every sentence we say either one of us will twist into something sexual. We will rarely say the "bad" words, but keep playing on words with double meaning.

    She has on a couple of occasions signaled to me that she thinks i am a player.

    I have been taking her out quite a bit. In the beginning I tried to take her to do things she hadn't tried before (yes I know, beta bummer number two) and she was very excited about it, but after the first time we had a quite deep and personal talk and I thought we were comfort-building, but then she kind off stalled out and was inapproachable for a while. Slowly we have come closer and have been going out more and more often. I initiate about 2/3rds of the time and she initiates about one third of the time. She outright calls me up and asks if I want to go out for a meal. She offers to pay but I always insist on paying (beta bummer #3 I guess, but there is just something old-fashioned in me that feels repulsed by the thought of having a woman pay for me. Plus the I make 20-30 times more money than her so it is only fair that I pay).

    The last few weeks I have felt that we were getting closer. However she still kept her physical distance. When we get into a restaurant she will position herself so that it is difficult to reach her. In the car she will sit leaning away from me so i have to stretch my arm across to touch her. She never responds to any touching. I have tried to get her to come for a walk with me or do other things were I could get closer, but she always finds an excuse.

    A few nights back however we were invited to a company function. Because we have been getting closer it was natural that I picked her up and took her there. In the car she was for the first time sitting with her elbow on the centre console. Our arms briefly touched and I tried a little bit of Kino (just touching on the arm), but she didn't really respond. When we get to the function she sits down on the other side of the table again so I cannot reach her. This other guy comes later and sits down next to her. I thought fuck it same story as normal, leave her alone and get involved with the guys around me. And she was left with the other guy plus one more guy. never saw this other guy as a threat because he was so shy.

    Half way through the evening I noticed she touched the other guys arm, just a little bit with the tip if her finger, but there was something in her look or the situation that caught my attention. A while later I positioned myself so I could see under the table, and sure enough they were rubbing feet. I didn't say or indicate anything, but continued my conversation with the guys around me. I checked a few more times during the evening, and they were still rubbing feet.

    Up until now everything is very clear. I was the beta provider and the comforter, but she wanted a stud to fuck her. And that was my first reaction.

    However now comes the bit that confuses me. When the evening was over she comes back to me and asks me to drive her home. I tell her that the other guy will be happy to drive her home. But she insists on me driving her home. I tell her that I saw what happened, and it is better she goes home with him, but she insists on me driving her home. In the car she brushes it off and says they sometimes play games like that and that she even kicked the third guys legs under the table, and I shouldn't take tings too seriously. I remain friendly, tell her that I am old enough to understand the interaction between men and women and tell he to pursue her new found love. She keeps brushing it off.

    In the office the day after she was just as normal, tried to flirt with me and in general bossed everyone around. There were no signs of remorse or anything.

    In principle things are easy now. She is out and I will not have anything to do with her anymore. I have enough girls to fuck. However the reality is a bit more complicated.

    I need two pieces of advice from you guys:

    - If anyone could help me understand what happened I would really appreciate it. Not to get the girl back, but to understand in general what goes on in a girl's mind, because that bit is really haunting me. Why would she rub up against him when she could have had me, and more so, why didn't she want me to drive her home when she could have had him? He doesn't have any girlfriend. If she was scared by my player vibe, she could possibly have had an LTR with him.

    - How does an alpha deal with the situation in the office now. I have taken the approach that I will just be professional, don't respond to the flirting and that's it. Remember she is a very strong woman, and will put in any amount of fighting to win an argument.

    You guys are welcome to beta-shame me if you think that will improve my game. But please no comments about I shouldn't have gone with someone from the office. I already did, and I can't undo it. I need advice on how to proceed without succumbing to the alpha female.

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Slickwilly is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My beta mistakes

    You might be a player in your eyes, but your a bitch in hers. Don't mean to be so harsh, but it's true.

    You answered the first question on your own. "Why would she rub up against him when she could of had me" she knew she could have you, you've been trying to get into her pants every night you two have gone out together. She wouldn't fuck u then and she ain't gonna fuck u now! Get over her and move on. Oh and you're also a meal ticket for her, stop buying her dinner!

    Just be professional and do your job. Live in your world and Don't let her suck u back into hers.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Slickwilly For This Useful Post:

    novice.pua (01-21-2016)

  4. #3
    novice.pua is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My beta mistakes

    Thanks Slickwilly,

    Appologies if this post shows up more than once, but it seemed to dissapear the first times I posted it.

    Yes, I do realise that I have been a beta. I normally don't see myself as a player though, she was the one who called me a player on a few occasions.

    And yes, I have no further intentions about getting in her pants. She is gone and that's that.

    What I need help on though is how to continue in the office. She sits right in front of me, and every time I look up I see into her face. I don't want to look down and avoid her all the time that would be even more beta. For now I just stare her down whenever our eyes meet. I win the staring contest, but it is artificial, I have to think that now I look away from my screen, and I will see her and if she looks at me I have to go for the fight.

    The other thing is she chips in every time I have a conversation with anyone and tries to make flirty comments like we used to have. I ignore her and keep talking to whoever I was talking to, but again it is artificial and if they invite her into the conversation I am kind of snookered. So any advice on that would be appreciated.

    The other thing which is just to allow me to try to settle the whole thing in my mind is: Why didn't she go home with him. She could have. Why did she insist on me driving her home?? And why does she try to weasel back? As you said, she is clearly not interested in me. Why can't she just leave me alone?

  5. #4
    novice.pua is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My beta mistakes

    Maybe I got the "why didn't she go home with him" part. After actually putting everything in words above, and Slickwilly chipping in with his blunt remark, i think that yes I was a beta orbiter, but she wasn't trying to sleep with him. She was just trying to increase the numbers of orbiters, and it was working. The day after he was trying to get to sit next to her in meetings so they could rub feet again (if they did any rubbing I don't know though). Thinking about it almost all of her behaviour is aimed towards being queen bee.

    Thank you for this forum, and thanks to Slickwilly. It has been a great help to be able just write down what happened and bounce it off on someone.

    Although I am not very troubled by the whole thing anymore, I would still appreciate any advice on what is the best (or the most "alpha") way to continue with the daily life in office. The other information that I forgot before is that within the next two months they will both be pulled away from what they are doing now and will be working for me.

  6. #5
    novice.pua is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My beta mistakes

    After reading up on the subject a bit more I think my approach in the office will be as follows:

    I will be friendly and polite, but professional. I will ignore anything private. She does a lot of "pity things" like complaining about some pain, or she is hungry or tired. I will just not react to any of these things.

    I am a bit unsure whether I should continue the playful sexual conversations we used to have. Of course I will cut out all of the longer and deeper ones, but playing with words and adding sexual undertones to a conversation is a very big part of who I am. I do the same thing with everyone else. If I stop doing it I am effectively reacting to her every day, which is what I am trying to avoid.

    The next thing is, what do I do when she comes back to me? If I stop the sexual word play and am cold and hostile to her, chances are she will not come back (she will never get into a situation where there is a high chance of rejection).

    However if I continue the sexual word play, I am sure she will come back. I have cut her off so many times before and she always comes back as soon as she senses I have cooled down (invites me out and insists on paying). Shall I then just ignore her messages (and then she will definitely understand), or shall I then call her and tell her I am surprised she contacts me back because after what happened the other day I thought it was obvious that any private interactions between us must cease. She will start giving excuses and brushing it off, I can then either:
    1. give some sarcastic comment about I though I was more than her driver (which is a bit beta), or
    2. I can tell her that I don't tolerate betrayal (which is kind assuming a relationship was there which may never have existed in her mind) or
    3. Just be polite and continue to reaffirm that we will not be going out anymore

    I am over the hurting phase. I don't want her back, but I need to pull a functional team together and I need to remain the one in the team everyone gravitates towards, especially when there are problems (and that usually means I get loaded with a few personal issues too, both from guys and girls)


    Thanks everyone


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